


Sail Away

by wheretobe



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Cruise, Divorce, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Friends to Enemies, Friends to Lovers, Heartbreak, Slow Burn, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:15:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 64,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22424665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wheretobe/pseuds/wheretobe
Summary: Eve is a Cruise Hotel Manager who gets paired with her not so fave female captain
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova, Villaneve - Relationship
Comments: 321
Kudos: 850





	1. Chapter 1

The smell of the sea still got to her years later. Seagulls screamed overhead as Eve Park got out of the taxi at the harbor, smiling as she saw the ship anchored not far off. It was the newest class. Not the biggest ship with only 3000 guests and 1200 crewmembers, but still a promotion nonetheless.

The driver put her two bags and a backpack next to her and then left, having been paid by the company in advance. There was a bit of a nervous jittery feeling inside of her, knowing that the position of general manager was something special. Overseeing all crewmembers from shop teams to cooks and room service made her basically the head of the cruise. Above her stood only the captain in matters of ship’s crew. Deck crews, technicians, and officers were under the hands of the staff captain.

Eve had been in the middle of her three-month vacation, after six months at sea, when she had received the call from her boss, Carolyn Martens. Due to an accident with the general manager, they needed someone able to take over and would only trust her with it. Her vacation was cut short but she did not care, it would be three months of a hefty pay upgrade and, if she did well, she knew she had the chance of keeping the position.

The Cruise industry was booming and it seemed there was an endless hunger from the people wanting to travel the world by sea. She had been working in a 3-star hotel as the manager when she had arranged evenings of entertainment for a guest and had impressed her so much, that she asked for Eve to join the cruise industry. Her mother had balked at the idea. To her, it was a downgrade from being the hotel manager of a prestigious hotel. To Eve, it was a possibility. Working and seeing the world.

She was now six years into the work and still remembered her first job with clarity.

A frown etched onto her face as the memory of that first cruise surfaced, shaking her head in hopes to shake it away. It had not been an easy tour. On the contrary, it had been her, thrown into ice-cold water, with a boorish captain and a young second in command...

Her phone rang and broke her out of her thoughts as she fumbled to take the call.

"Ah! There you are, Eve. Are you at the port?"

She smiled brightly as said captain, now working on teaching young captains and crews the ins and outs of the new ships, happily greeted her on the other end, his accent less thick than it had been.

"Yes, Konstantin. She is a beauty."

The Anastasia truly was. She had not found any interest in their even larger ships, but this new cruise class catered to middle-aged people that craved luxury cruises with fine dining and exclusive trips and shows, and thus was closer to what she knew from their hotels.

"Oh, I wish I could be there with you once more. We had such good travels. No?"

She bit her lower lip, "We did mostly."

She heard the boisterous laugh that he was so famous for explode through the speaker.

"Oh Eve... Let go of it."

She sighed and wanted to do as Konstantin had told her. It just was not easy. She was happy though that she had been on her first 3 cruises with him, his last before retiring to teach. Konstantin had taught her everything she needed to know about ships, the sea and so on.  
She had just no good memories pertaining to his Second in command and, later, her captain on another tour. Her free thumb touched the spot on her right ring finger, empty now, not even a telltale ridge left.  
It had been 3 years since her divorce from Niko and there was only memory left now.

"There is something I need to talk to you about, Eve."

Konstantin's change in voice made her frown once more.

"Give me a second Konstantin..." she said as she was approached by a crew member from security, who checked her papers and had her bags gathered to be brought to her cabin. She followed the man up the gangway, all the way explaining to Konstantin what was going on and about how her mother took her news of being deployed again. Once she was finally handed her staff papers and staff card, she found herself in the belly of the ship. In the middle of the still lifeless promenade, she used one of the chairs at a cafe there and sat down.

"Okay, Konstantin. Sorry, I am inside now. What did you need to spea..." her question was stopped short as the board-wide intercom switched on with a scratch.

"Attention crew, attention crew! Emergency training over and done with. Sadly we lost a dummy to the sea gods. May he rest in peace."

Eve felt her heart plummet to her toes as she heard the voice.

"Ah, shit... I wanted to warn you," Konstantin muttered into her ear.

"Are you fucking kidding me..."

Oksana Astankova, Captain Astankova, repeated her intercom message again and asked for a minute of silence for the dummy, her voice bringing Eve to a quick boiling point.

"No... No, Konstantin!"

"Eve... I didn't know. It was a last-minute roster change. When I saw I immediately tried to contact you."

She felt her face redden and there was a mixture of anger and panic inside of her chest, as she felt her fingers dig into her own thigh.

"You guys know I refused to travel with her again. That it's a deal-breaker for me."

A sigh and a few seconds before Konstantin spoke.

"Eve... You want to advance your career. You have to get past this grudge."

"Grudge? I lost my husband because of her!"Eve wondered if she sounded as pathetic to him as she sounded to herself.

"I love you like a daughter, Eve. As I love her. We both know that it was never her fault alone. You are a professional, Eve. You can make it much farther. But you have to move past this, or Carolyn will keep you back. She doesn't care about what happened. She wants the best crew on this transatlantic cruise."

Standing, Eve felt her legs wobble. He was right, she knew that and Konstantin was always, somehow right.

"If you complete this tour without a hitch, you will keep that fourth stripe on your shoulder. You will be one of our few high ranking general managers."

Swallowing thickly she moved to the elevator, "It feels like someone wants me to suffer."

She said and heard the man on the phone stutter as she hung up on him, feeling the overnight flight to Europe suddenly catch up on her.  
She had a few hours to sleep and hoped this was all a bad dream until she had to present to her captain and take over her crew officially. Eve knew the kind of work that was coming, knew the next few days would be stressy team meetings, work plan, and rotation check-ups and so on. First, she would check which crew members she might know. It was usual that new ship classes were filled with oldies and newbies and the first transatlantic would usually be a test and teaching run before they did a little Carribean tour and then went back to Europe.

She would gather her oldies and see who would benefit her as a team leader and at the same time, she needed to know everything about the new ship and be able to find her way around it.

Adding to that, she needed to somehow stay professional and not try to kill her captain.

She was woken from knocking on her cabin door. She got up, rubbing her bleary eyes. In front of her door was one of the cleaning staff, smiling understandingly at her sleepy look.

"Ma'am, my name is Sonny. Your uniform is ready."

Before she had fallen asleep, she had been smart enough to hand over her uniform for pressing, deciding the only way to get through the shit show this would be, was being the top professional.

"Thanks, Sonny," Eve said before closing the door. She let her finger run over the fourth stripe on the shoulder pad. How long she had hoped to achieve this.

Once she was in her uniform, white pants, short-sleeved shirt with the cruise logo stitched on one arm, onboard officers pullover on top of it, pens in the arm pocket.  
Eve snapped a quick picture for her mother before she finished the rest of her unpacking, then finally could not ignore her messenger inbox any longer, finding a flurry of texts from Konstantin. She had slept through his texts and by the sound of them, he thought she was ignoring him.

With a sigh, Eve shot Konstantin a message back. Saying she would try to do her best. But that she hurt because she had trusted her employers not to put her into such a situation again. Konstantin simply reminded her that this was a multimillion corporation. It was business and she was after all one of the best in it.

"I hate when you are right," she mumbled to herself. Once more, Eve checked that her uniform sat perfectly, righting the collar showing from under her pullover, checked she had all identification and then she ran out of things to do. Her hands shook and she had a lump in her throat as she thought of whom she had to face.

**

"I beg you Oksana..."

She rolled her eyes, staring at the screen and watching the onboard cameras supervising the rescue process.

"This is a prestige project. The first time a company doesn't build a bigger ship but smaller and makes it high-end luxury. We only send the best with you and we need Eve you can not antagonize her."

Konstantin begged and she liked the sound of it truly. For her staff captain, she pointed something out on the screen and he went to his walkie talkie, adjusting the teams working down there. Oksana knew the rescue teams were made up of the standard regular staff and new staff to be taught but she had no time for incompetence and there were many more emergency exercises to be done, so the loss of time was a no-no.

Amongst the captains of the cruise lines, she was one of the few Russians working for a non-Russian company. It boosted her ego and Oksana had pride in her achievements, especially as one of the only few women.

'You'll never be a captain. Women don't belong on a ship. You are bad luck'

She remembered her father say and wished he was still alive, so she could stand in front of him a full captain, giving him the middle finger, telling him to get fucked.

She was ten times the captain he had ever been, the drunkard.

"I am just saying... Please, just treat her civilly and let her do her job. Carolyn won't be happy if this doesn't go 100% as she planned."

A snort and Oksana slumped into her chair, ending the exercise for that team with her usual flair. Something she could only do without guests on board, something she did to keep morale high.

"Anders, have the firefighters prepare for the fire drills."

"Tell me, Konstantin, is this a threat?"

"Yes Oksana, it is. She will demote you and possibly fire Eve. She won't accept another newsworthy scandal between the two of you."

She rolled her eyes at the warning. Carolyn was a bitch, but she knew she still had a job only because she was a brilliant captain and Konstantin had vouched that she would not cause any more trouble. For a year she had been demoted to a small ship class only doing Baltic sea tours and every damn week she landed in a Russian port. She hated to be forced to dock in Russia. She had hated Eve even worse because the other woman had gotten away a lot better she felt.

"Why should I care again if Polastri is fired?"

"You know she went back to her maiden name after divorce and you should care because both of you will face consequences this time, I will make sure of it."

She wanted to throw something at the feeling of betrayal from Konstantin, opting instead to toot the ship's horn. She watched her cameras as a young server in training at the outer bar dropped a tablet of fine wine glasses. It gave her some satisfaction.

"Don't worry about your precious darling..."

"Oh stop it Oksana! I am doing this to make sure both of you stay in line. I have never pulled favourites. Had I wanted to protect her, I would have made sure she was kept off this ship or warned her so she could have refused the position."

Oksana could smell a lie ten miles against the wind. She grinned in glee as she heard how Konstantin’s breathing changed to a bit panicky at having given the ruse away.

"Oh oh, Konstantin... What would poor Eve Polastri say, should she find out you could have stopped this. Tsk tsk..."

His fingers drummed on some surface and Oksana wanted to cackle.

"Park. And you know I had no choice. Don't you understand that this is the redeeming job for both of you? This is the only chance you both get, that's why I had too."

So the old hag Martens probably wanted them to fail so she could finally fire her, Oksana realized.

"You owe me..."

"Come off it... You owe me twenty times over, Oksana."

She hung up and watched her staff captain ran the fire drill, deciding she would try and delegate working with Eve to him as much possible.

Eve Polastri...Park. The woman that had almost been her downfall. There was anger building inside of her, as she fought the memory of the other woman. Blinding anger, that felt as if it could rip her apart. She wanted to lash out so badly but, besides liking to be a pain in the ass to Konstantin, she understood the threat to her career quite well.

"Anders, I'll go down to mess and grab a bite."

She said and got up.

"Nope captain. The general manager is on board and being brought here for the crew debrief."

She frowned at her second in command who was usually such a faithful staff captain to her. So willing to follow her command.

"Come on... A bottle of Aquavit...linie..."

"Oksana... Nothing will get me to do this instead of watching you and her try not to kill each other."

She gave him the finger and rolled her eyes at his stupid, melodious laugh.

Just as Oksana was about to say something, she heard the bridge door open and a lower officer announced the arrival of the hotel and crew manager to the bridge crew.

**

"Ma'am! Hi, I am Daniel Nielson and one of the ship's Bridge officers. I will bring you to the bridge now."

Nielson had a clipped Nordic dialect and she smiled back nervously after he had greeted her. Eve had tied her hair back in a ponytail, hands in her pants pockets to stop herself from fidgeting. She felt like she was going to be sick and puking overboard was neither fun nor would you live it down. She had spent her first few days on her first cruise with puking bags In her hand and the constant knowing smirk on Astankovas face. Back then it had been a storm they had gotten in. 10 meter high waves and a ship without the underwater Stabilisators made her belly tilt.

Now she felt sick for other reasons and as the bridge door opened and she was announced, Eve wondered if she could just run away. She was glued to the spot though as the familiar Figure stayed turned with her back to her, long legs and thin frame, topped by haughty shoulders. The blond mane was tied in a low bun, uniform impeccable.

She stepped up and nodded to the staff captain, then shook his hand before she squared her shoulders and prayed her voice would not shake or sound weak.

"General Manager Park reporting onboard, Captain."

All eyes seemed to be glued to them as Eve waited to be acknowledged.

When Oksana finally turned to her she looked down on her coldly.

"Mrs. Park, welcome aboard the Anastasia. You are a bit late to the party, so the ship tours will be cramped into after dinner."

The accusation stood and Eve felt her face heat up.

"I wasn't planned to be here, it was last minute."

Satisfaction lined the Captain's lips and Eve wished she could use her notepad to slap it off her face. Hands clenched in her pant pockets as she told herself Astankova was not worth her career.

The standoff was seemingly catching the attention of the whole bridge crew and Oksana stared at them annoyed.

"I think we have drills to complete gentlemen."

She said and then motioned to the door of the meeting room the captain could use.

"Mrs. Park..."

**

Their initial crew report went without a hitch but the women had both used all of their mental strength not to lash out and Eve left the room at a brisk pace with her crew book and ship book. She had hated every second of the meeting, the harshness hidden behind elegant features had been almost too much and when she made it back to her cabin, Eve slumped on her bed, rubbing her temples tiredly.

For a second she wanted to call her mother but then thought better of it. The elder park had been rather happy about the fallout Astankova had caused between her and Niko. Even more happy was she after the divorce was finalized while Eve stared at the shambles of her private life.

She had been angry at her mother long enough for that and did not wish to stoke that fire with the news of her being on a ship with Oksana again.

Feeling well and truly drained, Eve grabbed the crew book, a pen and then went to mess. She had missed lunch by a lot but there was still some fruit salads laid out and coffee. After years of traveling on ships she had gotten almost fond of the on ship coffee.

Her first job would be selecting team leads and then getting them to proper work with the new staff on ship. They also had a different book from the company describing rules of how to dress which the leads had to control for their teams. She would then check all the cabin classes and see where she had to tell her steward team they had to take special care when cleaning. Martens had told her in their call that this was a luxury cruise and she had to treat it like her old hotel, and she would.

She had not realized someone else had entered mess until she heard the angry stomping and she knew the step pattern and wanted to look up, stick her tongue out, instead opted to ignore Oksana when it was not work related.

She hated being on this ship with this person. She hated ever having met her.


	2. Chapter 2

"Ah welcome! Welcome aboard the Primus Mrs Polastri! This is your head of management, Mr Vasquez from the Philippines. He will get you to meet your housekeeping and event staff. Also my staff captain will show you around ship as soon as possible and we can get this little Beast moving to our first port."

They were anchored in their home port of Nassau with the Primus, the ship having undergone repairs and modernization. In a day they would leave for Miami and have their first passengers board the ship. The one day at sea would be used to train staff and get acquainted. By evening Eve had decided to get out to eat off board one last time. One of the girls from the spa came with her and showed her a bar close to Port that did carribean barbecue and served decent beer. She knew that making friends on board was vital for sanity and was happy Dana from Spa was pretty down to earth. They chatted and ate and at some point Eve got up to search for the rest room and somehow instead ended up out the back door.

Blinking against the dark she tried to find the doorway again, almost yelled when she heard moans and cursing and turned the direction of the sound. Eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness she made out a car and a woman perched on the bonnet, another person between her legs.

She blushed.

"shit sorry!"

Eve cursed.

"Either join or fuck off."

A female and Russian accented voice said and since the girl on the bonnet was still moaning, Eve realised the person between her legs was female too.

She finally grabbed the door handle and ripped it open, basically running inside and back to her table.

She told Dana what she had witnessed, the girl laughing and patting Eves hand.

"Eve calm down you'll never see these people again anyway... Oh..."

She turned to the hallway that led to the backdoor and watched a tall blond woman saunter in, Danas eyes glued to her.

"Another beer!"

The woman with a Russian accent ordered, chucked it and then went past their table, looking them up and down with roguish eyes. They settled on Eve and she knew while she had seen nothing, the women outside had seen her, possibly when getting back into the restaurant.

"Liked the show? See ya for my Massage Dana."

And off the woman went leaving Eve mortified.

"Ah... Well now you met the staff captain."

Eve was flabbergasted and horrified, Dana grinned to herself as she sipped her beer.

"Stop grinning Dana!"

Eve said.

"Eve.... Things on ships are a bit different. You aren't going home after your shift. You go to your cabin at your workplace. You have dinner with us. We grow pretty close and if you share a cabin... You are prone to walk in on someone."

Eve was lucky enough she had her own tiny cabin, she knew usually 2 shared one.

"Fraternization rules?"

Dana shrugged.

"Every captain knows you are not stopping your crew shagging. We are stuck together for months on end. The only rule we follow strictly is: flirt the guests into spending money but keep your hands off them. Come on, time to get back we leave early in the morning"

Eve could not sleep that night and by midnight she went to the crew bar to get some cocoa, texting her husband as she walked. She opted not to tell Niko some things. He had been livid when she told him about wanting to go to sea and right now she would describe their marriage as on the rocks. Eve just felt suffocated by their home life and the adventure of being at sea had called.

He had been right though, this wasn't a marriage friendly move and yes maybe she had taken this move because while she wanted to see the world, Nikos idea of traveling was deans Forest. Every minute of their life seemed to suck energy off of her and here she walked the main road of the ship, called Hamburg road, after the city the ship had been built in, and tried to explain to him via text why her decision was valid and that she had to do this for herself. There was still some life in her and while she could, she had to take a risk.  
Niko had told her flat out he gave her one tour and then they would have to settle in Kent, have kids. Maybe her mother was right and her subconscious was making her run away from that prospect. Was she sabotaging her marriage on purpose?

Niko was of course texting back aggressively, telling her he didn't care about the damned ship he only cared about the day she came home. She rolled her eyes and felt herself get angry again. Not looking up as she angrily typed back, mug of cocoa in the other she slammed into something not fully solid and heard a slew of cursing. The hand with the mug had connected first with a white blouse and Eve hoped the ship would swallow her up as she let her eyes travel up from the brown stained shirt to find the Russian staff captain staring her down.

"OH MY GOD! Shit... Fuck... I am so, so, so sorry Capt... Staff captain...Ma'am..."

She put the mug down on a pipe and clumsily patted the other woman's chest, not even realizing that it didn't help.

"You could have just told me if you wanted to grope me... Mrs...?"

Her eyes widened and her hand had stopped straight on the very well formed chest of the officer.

"Po...Polastri."

"Well hello Mrs Po Polastri! While you are holding my breasts, I feel the need to inform you that I deserve at least a drink before this goes further."

Eve felt like the biggest idiot ever, as she dropped her hands, blinking. The other woman took note of her two stripes and then went past her without further ado, turning once to say:

"See you around Po Polastri."

"Just...Polastri..."

Eve said meekly and then turned to the wall, hitting her forehead against it a few times.

"You fucking... Fucking... Idiot..."

**Present**

Eve finished her fruit salad and then grabbed the crew book, zipping up her blue woolen officers jacket and with straight shoulders she went towards the table where Astankova sat.

"Captain... Sorry for the interruption..."

She wasn't, she couldn't care less. The blonde stirred her smoothie and then looked up annoyed.

"What is so important that you felt the need to approach me in my break, Park?"

She faltered only for a second.

"As I sadly arrived just today, I wanted to ask if I could use the Turku road to brief to my staff team leads? And go over the new clothing and cleaning rules as well as brief them on the companies views on how we should approach our customers."

Oksana waved back bored.

"Please don't ask me such stuff again and just do it and do your job. Now I would Love to enjoy the rest of my break in peace."

Eve wanted to scream in anger or throw the smoothie on Astankova, but she knew she would tell Carolyn and Eve needed this damn position.

"Thank you."

She forced out instead and stormed off. Of course she had to ask, had she not, Eve was sure Astankova would have reprimanded her.

She had the staff captain call together the crew she had written down and then waited and started putting people in groups. It needed maybe 10 minutes then everyone she had needed was there and she started with a greeting, explanation and briefing. She would use her time after to go to the rooms with housekeeping, then she would check the progress of the new people and see how the servers did.

Arriving late meant her next days were cramped to the brim and she needed this meeting to go over well. Funny enough the captain chose that moment she was briefing about clothing rules to enforce, to call out an evac fire drill in the kitchen. This meant Turku road got flooded with more people from Prep, bakery, patisserie and the large kitchen itself.

She knew the asshole had done this on purpose but instead of stomping up and asking Astankova why she was being such a massive bitch, Eve dissolved the meeting and said she would approach everyone soon.

Firefighters came running as Eve’s groups tried to get back to their jobs and Eve wondered if Astankova watched the cams and if an up yours would be seen.

**Bridge**

"With all due respect..."

She shrugged.

"Drills are important."

Her staff Captain stared at the chaos on Turku road, cooks and preppers storming from the kitchens, firefighting teams getting into their gear, Housekeeping staff trying to get out of the way.

"Look... Oksana, we have been touring together the past year and I have mad levels of respect for you. This just cut that down some. She has to do her job."

Anders said and Oksana rolled her eyes.

"It was just a meeting on dress rules. She's taking it way too serious..."

Anders gave up and said he was taking his mandatory break, telling her to just ignore their general manager instead of causing more trouble. She rolled her eyes at his dramatizing her little joke and made sure the drill ended well.

**Past**

After leaving Nassau to Ft. Lauderdale, Eve felt elated at the things she saw as they left Port. Dolphins and flying fish accompanied them some of the way, until they were further out and until then, Eve had enjoyed standing on Deck six and staring at the azure blue oceans. She watched the waters being cut by the ship, enjoyed the fresh air and felt she was in one of these postcard scenarios.

That was until the sea got more ‘choppy’ around noon. The ship lurched and bobbed on the atlantic waves, a storm coming up, just close to staff lunch time. She was walking Hamburg road towards the crew mess, when one roll of the ship made her stomach drop in synch. The sudden onset of nausea caught her by surprise and she emptied her stomach, ridding it of the coffee and fruit she had had earlier. 

When the ship moved, Eve had stumbled towards the side of the road, grabbing onto something and then leaned against the wall weakly, tears streaming down her cheeks from retching. She heaved, feeling miserable. A strong hand landed on her shoulder and Eve squeezed her eyes shut in shame as she was helped along, hearing her captain use his walkie talkie to call a clean up and request barf bags for mess.

“Well...you will get your sea legs. It just takes some time with you land kids. Sometimes when the ship is being annoying even I feel my stomach upset some. Come now, don’t frown.”

Captain Vasiliev led her to the mess and she sat in the corner miserably and clutching a barf bag. When he joined her, he placed a cup of ginger tea, saltines and a green apple in front of her.

“These three things help. Also our info desk hands out sea sickness pills, but they sometimes make people sleepy.”

Eve ate, needing her whole break to get the bit of food down and praying she would feel better soon.

“Go to the middle of the ship on the promenade deck. It moves less there.”

Konstantin had told her as he left and after she finished the last cracker she did just that, hoping her stomach would settle. She was mortified at having a barf bag at the ready next to her. As she sat at one of the benches in front of a still closed shop, watching it being stacked, she saw the staff captain saunter on, hoping she could just go unnoticed.

“Heard you tried feeding the fish Po-Polastri.”

Of course not. She seemed to be out of luck where the other woman was concerned. As she looked up, Eve saw how expertly the blonde stood and moved with the ship.

“Will this get better?”

Something softened in the cold hazel eyes but only for the fraction of a second.

“Here…”

From the jacket pocket came yellow packaged sweets and as she looked closer, Eve saw it was ginger treats. Before she could say thank you, the other woman vanished into the spa.

Her day was shit and she was excused and told to get a sea sickness pill and sleep. As the Captain had warned her, the pill made her sleepy. She woke before dinner by a knock on her door and Dana peeked in, smiling worried.

“Hey you. Heard you didn’t take the weather too well and brought you some stuff from the mess.”

She bet it made the rounds on board. The new gal puking her guts out. Sitting up a bit weakly, Eve tried to smile, letting herself try to see how her stomach felt now. It seemed calm.

“Thanks Dana. I am so embarrassed!”

“Oh don’t be, besides what they all say, many go through this. It will get better you just need to keep eating and drinking.”

As Dana put down the tray on her desk, Eve saw a large hickey on her neck. That certainly had not been there that morning, and Eve remembered that Dana had a massage therapy session with their staff captain.

“Jesus, Dana are you sleeping with her?!”

She blurted out and then clamped her hands over her mouth, blushing ashamed. Dana just laughed and shrugged.

“Not gonna say no to that, to be honest, Eve. Never came like that in any relationship so...I’m taking her up on it.”

Her blush intensified at the words and it only made Dana grin wider.

“Eve, Darling...I have been on this damn ship without a break for 3 months. I have another 3 months to go before I take my 4 month vacation...I need relief, She is more than willing. We are grown ups. You will understand better in a bit.”

“I’m sorry it’s just…”

“No worries, Eve. Come on you must be hungry.”

She was relieved Dana had not been offended at her stupid question, not wanting to ruin that comraderie. She sat at her little desk, Dana on the second chair, sipping a coffee.

“Don’t...are...are you okay with her sleeping around?”

Dana’s laugh was what had drawn Eve into the spa her first day on the ship, it was soft and melodic, like a wisp of a hummingbird's wings.

“You married folk...I am not really looking for a partner here, Eve.”

Dana had brought her an assortment from the staff mess, adding the pudding Eve always went for.

“I might not be married for long after this.”

Eve mumbled as she cut her sandwich.

“I mean...it's not a relationship friendly move. But I do get you and the need to see things. It's why I left my home.”

Eve was not ready to admit it yet, but deep down she realized something was worryingly off in her marriage to make her take such a step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the support guys!


	3. Chapter 3

**Present**

Eve watched closely as the cabin steward set the cabin up, pointing out things to him and then repeating the process ith each of the cabin he was assigned too, until the man was cleaning and setting up rooms to her satisfaction. In each cabin she also checked who was booked and if they had children’s life jackets if a child was booked into the cabin. Her first job each morning was to check that the crew got used to their new uniforms and proper dress style which changed depending on what job the hotel crew held.

As this was a cruise with less people it also had non standard cabin sizes. The bathrooms were more spacious and most cabins came with a separee living room.  
Admittedly Eve, when she was told about the new ship class and the luxury on it, had dreamed of working on them one day. The suits and the presidential apartment had a bigger team that took care of it and Eve wondered if maybe one day she would be privy to take a cruise herself in such nice quarters. There was even a grande piano in the living room of the largest suit plus it held a private pool and spa. Martens had outdone herself with this idea Eve thought.

Just as she was inspecting that suit/apartment the ship’s intercom system sprang to live announcing a shipwide exercise all personal on board would have to partake in. Everyone coming aboard a ship was first informed what his job was in the unlikely event that the captain called for leaving the ship.

As head of House and entertainment boss, Eve had other evac tasks on her to do list compared to her staff. She had to make sure her staff members were on their stations and had electronically checked all guests in so no one would be forgotten, then she would report to the Bridge and oversee evacuation until her staff and their assigned guests had properly boarded the lifeboats and left with them. Once that was finished her job was to lead the rest of her staff to the crews lifeboats and oversee their evacuation then leave with them as soon as she had the captain's command. The last people to leave with the last lifeboat were the captain and his bridge crew.

Since she had arrived late on board she had used her off hours to make sure she knew evac routes which usually followed a repeating system and felt secure now going from evac station to station, beeping everyone with her handheld and then reporting to the captain all accounted for. Astankova sounded clipped and precise as she noted the number in the log and then send her to gather the rest of her staff and wait for further orders. She had to admit the captain handled her exercises more than professional this time and for a crew with lots of newbies on board they did more than well in the end. She thanked her staff noted things down she had seen needed more exercise for her captain and then went back up to the bridge. Only the staff captain was there.

“The Captain is down to check on a lifeboat that’s been giving us trouble.”

Her staff captain Petterson explained with a friendly smile, pouring Eve a mug of coffee and pointing to the monitors. They watched the Captain talk to a technician.

“Sorry for the grief during your briefing…”

Eve shrugged but mustered a smile. 

“Can not be changed now. I have managed to instruct my teams.”

It had taken her more time than a full meeting, but Eve had gotten it done. They watched the monitors while Petterson watched closely, listening for any commands.

“Anders, we think we repaired the mechanism but please send a report anyways.”

Astankova said as she entered the Bridge minutes later. There was a smudge of oil on her cheek and her hands were dirty, reminding Eve how hands on Astankova had always been.

“Park, how many wheelchair users will be on our first route?”

She was asked, watching the captain write everything down in her log books.

“Four, the reason I am here actually. I would like to request one more exercise for wheelchair evac and people that might have trouble walking but will inform us at boarding.”

When wheelchair accessible cabins where rented you automatically got a report which meant the cabin stewards were schooled how to help with evac. But usually once the cruise started there would be guests with trouble walking which needed further adjustments. 

“I have instructed the stewards for the wheelchair evac but I think a reinforcement that there will be guests with walking aids…”

A hand was raised to stop her explanation and she was about to protest as the Captain nodded to her staff captain.

“Anders check our times and see where we can fit it. I want the newbies to be properly schooled on evac of older people and walking disabled guests.”

“Yes Captain. I will contact you Mrs Park.”

Anders said and smiled at her.

“Thanks staff captain.”

She took that as being dismissed and sighed in relief as she could finally leave bridge. Her shoulders loosened and she frowned feeling the stiffness in her body. She would be a wreck after her time with Oksana.   
How was she supposed to get through six months on this ship?

Eve frowned and then sighed. This was her one chance to advance and she hoped that after she would just be able to switch. If Martens had it in for her though…

By evening she and the staff captain had commenced one more evac exercise and they finished both feeling the teams where properly instructed.

“Hey have you heard about the new departure day event the line has? Officer Mixer?”

Anders asked her as they made it through the ship to mess.

“Yes and I heard that the Captain, you and me will be having a table in the dining room which we are supposed to dine at.”

“Yes that is mandatory dinner each night to seem open to the guests. So have you already chosen a cocktail for officer Mixer?”

She shrugged and thanked Petterson as he held a door for her.

“Not really solid on cocktails, I admit.”

Drinking as crew was frowned upon. You could get a drink if you were off and not on call but still in the event of an emergency you were supposed to be sober. They often had one light drink at the end of shift in the crew bar but she had already read in her personal info booklet that she was supposed to mingle more with guests, seem more hands on and was thus allowed one drink per night if invited. It was supposed to make guests feel they were open to invite her as a high ranking officer. 

“I already told the bars which mock cocktail to make for me if invited by guests so…”

“Do something easy like the Caipirinha then.”

That was a solid idea! She actually remembered that one from being out with her friend Elena one day. 

“Come on, I'll show you and call me Anders please”

Petterson said with his boyish exuberance and she felt compelled to follow as he pulled her along. Once they started mixing in the Crew Bar they amassed a little flock of viewers and fellow crew members happily trying the drinks and judging.   
10 drinks in Eve and Anders where laughing and a technician had whipped out a ukulele playing over the rainbow claiming Eve’s drinks where either rain thin or made you taste colors.   
The evening was a relief though. They laughed and later, without alcohol danced and sung celebrating their last free days together before the ship would welcome the first guests by midday in two days. 

Eve was pulled into a dance with Anders and others but then it was time for the staff captain to get some well needed rest and Eve decided that was a sound idea.

“Thanks.”

She said as they walked down Turku road.

“What for?”

“I feel really stressed here. But this helped soothe it a little.”

Eve explained.

“Whatever happened between you and her? I mean everyone has heard you two weren’t to be working together any longer but...why?”

Eve stiffened and came to a halt next to Anders, frowning and shaking her head.

“It doesn’t matter. Please...don’t ask again. I am ashamed enough by it. I need to take this staircase...goodnight Anders.”

He looked at her and nodded, then waved and let her go with an apologetic look.

She knew people wondered how the two women had gotten where they were. Some might still remember, some might have heard rumors, who knew how much truth was in those. It was no lie that she was ashamed. 

**Past**

The ship groaned as it was shook by the waves, water bashing against the hull. Eve laid in her bunk, trying to swallow down the bile rising in her throat. She felt stuffy and at some point the room gave her major feelings of being locked in so Eve grabbed her officers pullower and stumbled out. Along Hamburg road, stopping ever so often to take deep breaths. It was in the middle of the night and the ship practically empty. 

The Captain had warned them after Dinner via the Intercom that the storm would get worse on their way to Miami. As the ship lurched under her step and she felt like floating for a second, Eve wondered if this was worse or if worse was yet to come. Slowly she tried to adjust her gait to the ships movement. Suddenly it felt like she was walking up a steep mountain before a second later she had to stop herself from running downhill. Senior crewmembers looked at her worried but she somehow made it to the promenade.

On deck six, hoping to be able to get some fresh air but finding the doors to the outside locked, water pressing in through the doors. She saw the waves and that they were as high as deck six and felt desperate need for air.

Another lurch and she reached for the wall to steady herself, cursing.

“You look like shit.”

She heard the russian accented voice in front of her, looking up from the ground and wanting the sea to swallow her whole. Why did she always have to meet Astankova like this? Eve must have looked particularly bad for it seemed like the staff captain looked sorry for her.

“I just...need fresh air.”

She muttered.

“I don’t think you are dressed for fresh air and the only spot to have a chance to go out right now is the top deck.”

Her face fell and the Staff Captain sighed before speaking into her walkie talkie and explaining that water was pressing in on deck six already. She ordered a team down to board up the doors and then walked away, turning back around to her after a sew steps.

“Come on. You wanted fresh air?”

A shaky nod later Eve followed the lanky blonde, amazed at how her legs seemed to compensate the ships movement. Once at the crew staircase they went down though and Eve was confused.

“I thought we were going for fresh air?”

“That too. But I still have a little ship tour to do with you.”

Eve wanted to protest at first it was almost 10 pm and the ship rolled back and forth.

“I don’t think now is a good time.”

“Now is the best time Po Polastri. It will get your mind off the ships movement.”

They started in the machine room, went to kitchens and patisserie. She was shown the sick station where she was given more anti sea sickness pills by a concerned looking Dr. who was finishing up his paperwork. In the crew mess she was given a ginger ale and Astankova grabbed a green apple for the way up. In between deck 6 and the top decks where several bars and restaurants as well as all the cabins from low paying on deck 6 up to the suits. She was shown the theatre and nightclub before they finally ascended the last set of stairs.

Deck 14 and 15 held the pool deck and launcher area with bars and a sun deck which was closed off by a domed glass building. Eve felt the wind press through the doors, the glass panes rattled and outside all had been tied down.

“Does...this storm thing often happen?”

Eve asked looking worried, as wind whipped rain against the glass dome. 

“Depends on the season and region. We have had some in this area.”

The staff Captain explained and went into a locked off room that held cleaning utensils but also tick jackets for the crew that had to go out. The way it hund on Eve, it was clearly a males jacket.

“Zip it all the way up the wind outside will take your breath away if you don’t.”

Eve did as she was told, not sure any longer if she wanted to go out for some fresh air. The wind whistled harshly as it was forced around the ship and Eve was about to voice her worry when Astankova pressed the button to open the door and went out. Stiffening her shoulders, Eve followed suit and had Astankova not reach out to grab her, she would have been forced back into the domed sun deck. Outside the wind was so loud it seemed impossible to hear.  
The eyes of the staff Captain danced with mirth as she watched the other woman leaned into the wind and it only took a few steps around the outside pool to make Eve drip water from being pelted with cold rain. She was pulled back inside and once shielded from the wind outside, Eve felt how out of breath and weak this had left her.

“Now you have learned why we sometimes have to close off the decks for our guests.”

Eve nodded dumbly, feeling cold and shaken.

They went back down to the crew mess and got some tea to warm up cold hands.

“How are you so unaffected by the movement?”

Eve asked sipping her piping hot beverage. The blond shrugged.

“My family has always been to sea.”

By the time they had finished up and walked back to the crew sleep quarters, Eve suddenly realised standing in front of her cabin door, that the sickness had not bothered her while she had been distracted with listening and following her staff Captain. She was about to tell her thank you when she realized the other woman had already vanished in the hallway.

With a confused sigh she sat down on her bunk and checked her phone with the onboard crew internet she was allowed to use. Slow but you could at least message people or check mails.  
She had written niko earlier about her day and that a storm was making her feel sick but there was no reply. He had read it, but that was it. 

She got it really. She had up and left him for some 6 month endeavor and Niko was not stupid. Of course he must have realised that she had run away from wherever he had tried to steer them in their marriage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading guys!


	4. Chapter 4

*Present*

“Good Morning Cap!”

Anders said good naturedly as he stepped onto the bridge early in the morning. Oksana was already on post, sipping coffee and watching another boat dock in front of them.

“Mikkel tell that oaf on the ‘Temperance’, that if he gets any closer I can read the warning on the Pool deck signs! What is he trying to achieve here?”

Mikkel flinched, unsure what to do and looking for help from Anders, who realized their captain was in a foul mood. Her accent always grew thicker and then it was best to keep a good distance. Oksana rolled her eyes when she saw Anders take the radio from Mikkel and then talk to the Captain of the ‘Temperance’, about how close they had gotten in his always so formal and friendly way.

Soon after that the other boat moved a bit forwards and Anders gave Mikkel thumbs up before standing next to Oxana at the Map desk, the Captain reviewing the coming route on the state of the Art digital display.

“So ...fell out of bunk this morning or did they run out of honey for your sausages?”

Oksana’s shoulders tightened and she wanted to push Anders for his stupid comment.

“I slept perfectly fine, I wasn’t the high ranking crew member mixing drinks for the staff.”

It was a harsh whisper and she hated the snort that came from Anders. She usually really liked him and it was rare she clicked so well with her seconds that they were both transferred to another ship. But Oksana was a woman that only liked Chaos if she had caused it. From her crew she needed perfect synchronicity at all times with her and Anders fulfilled that. He was just a little shit sometimes.

“Report me Cap. We are officially not yet en route. You know that and you yourself drink those days.”

She wanted to retort something but Oksana knew it would make him realize where her anger stemmed from, looking up into his dancing blue eyes though, told her he knew.

“Next time join us. Eve is a lovely gal even though her drinks are lethal or piss thin.”

Eyes narrowed at him and the fun he had with this but then he leaned in and sobered up as he whispered to her.

“Oksana...I have no clue what happened but here is the deal, either hate her and be professional or get over your ugly jealousy. I love my boyfriend very much and you should know me better.”

“I am not…”

“Then drop it. Get this tour done, shag a million girls in a million ports. Just deal with this how you usually do, professional.”

Her fists clenched on the desk as anger coursed through her. Anger at the situation, anger at it getting to her, anger at Anders knowing her too well.  
Nothing had ever been able to sway his captain like this and Anders was simply confused by what was going on. His friends brows knit and she seemed to be in a turmoil with herself.  
She hated this, she hated what Eve had done to her and how it got to her years later. 

“You know you can talk to me…”

She straightened her shoulders and pushed away from the desk.

“Thank you for making sure the idiot didn’t bang up our new ride.”

And that was that. There was no reason to talk about what happened in the past. She felt ashamed and felt she did not want anyone to know more than stupid rumors had already said. She did not care if she was gossiped about, she never had as a female cap[tain she suspected it and she stood above it.

Until Eve Polastri came along again.

** Past **

“She seems to be doing better, yes?”

Konstantin said, coming to stand next to his second in command on the bridge, watching as the passengers flocked into the ship, being greeted by Polastri and staff with drinks and brochures and the like. Polastris job was to help cruisers find their cabins.

“Why...do I care again?”

“You tell me…”

Konstantin said with the smirk in his voice that grated on her because he was right. She had been staring at the camera with Polastri on screen for longer than she should. 

“Well...seems boarding is almost complete. I want you to make rounds and see if staff is prepared for our security exercise.”

She nodded and watched as Eve Polastri greeted an older couple with a bright smile, checking their board card, not waiting to watch the other woman explain for the hundredth time where the cabin was, before turning on her heels and leaving.

As she walked the crew staircases down, Oksana cleared her mind of intrusive thoughts and instead put on her stern face, checking with the crew members she would need, watching the flurry of movement on Hamburg road and simply wishing they were back on sea.  
Oksana hated the ships unmoving mooring.

A few more hours, then she would have to put her finest white Uniform on and smile brightly next to Konstantin at a special Sail away Captains Dinner, then she would watch over the parade before being again where she belonged, the bridge.

The next few hours were filled with explaining countless times how the safety jacket was put on with something resembling a smile. Then she walked the promenade decks to see if anyone was not where he should be.

The sounds of the casino always caused her headaches, the constant beeping and cheery machine sounds, the lights and the smell of old smoke. She frowned and was about to fled the place when she heard Polastris' voice. It seemed she was talking into her walkie talkie.

She was mesmerized as the other woman carded her hands through her, for once, open hair, black locks barely tameable. Rooted to the spot, Oksana stared at the other woman lights and sounds muting out as only the woman fluffing her hair and redoing the ponytail mattered.  
The static from her walkie talkie pulled her out of her reverie and also alerted Polastri to her presence. She steeled her shoulders and answered, hearing the captain say they found the missing kid at the Ice cream parlour.  
Once she affirmed she would resume her rounds she found herself looking back to Polastri before nodding stiffly and rather storming off, leaving Polastri with a half raised hand in greeting.

She cursed at herself inside of her head and busied herself with the tasks of her position. Soon the exercise was done and people started requesting pictures. She hated this but smiled fake brightly as she posed for picture after picture, knowing her captain was probably watching on the bridge having a good chuckle. An hour later, Oksana finally stormed into a crew passage, finally free. Basically skipping down the stairs and around the corner at them bottom she yelled as she felt something hitting her roughly and hot fluid spreading over her chest.

Her fresh white dress shirt was drenched in coffee and in front of her, wide eyed and stammering, stood Polastri, empty mug in her hand and holding a clipboard.

"staff...captain…"

"Why are you always such a nuisance, Polastri?"

She said pulling the soggy shirt away from her chest and fuming. 

"Excuse me?"

"Just get out of my fucking way…"

"You ran into me, you absolute dick!"

Her eyes narrowed as she stared down at the shorter woman, who was positively fuming by now, staring back up stubbornly.  
She took a deep breath, aligning the words for a tirade in her mind, finger twitching to raise accusingly.

"Oksana...new shirt now."

Konstantin said from somewhere behind Polastri in the hallway. Her fiery eyes shot up to his, where she found a sternness calmly staring back at her.

"She…"

"Was almost bowled over by you. I saw it. Shirt, now."

Her eyes said 'how dare you chose her over me' but her body turned on her heel and she cursed as she went back to the crew staircase.

Eve stared after the lanky woman for a second before she turned to her captain.

"Why is she like…"

"Stress. She has been up since 3 am greeting the pilot and getting him up to the bridge and we will have a long night today. She didn't mean what she said, mhh?"

Konstantin said to her softly, seeing her still fine angrily and staring down at the coffee spill.

"They need you at the info front desk now Ms Polastri."

Back in her cabin Oksana cursed in all known to her languages as she changed into another dress shirt and posted the stained one for wash. Konstantin taking poor Polastri's side had dipped her mood even more. There was a jealous streak in her, she knew it. Konstantin was the only person she had close to a father or good uncle. After her own father had kicked her out with 16 she had floundered what to do. She met Konstantin at the marina of the city she was sent to school in. A desolate youngster like so many.  
The sea had always had a calming effect on her and she had sat for hours, duffel at her side staring the the boats bobbing and wishing she was like a boat just bobbing up and down with the stream of waves.

_"it is nightfall. Go back home kid"_

He had said, standing there in his uniform and looking at her with gentle eyes.

Her father had never even looked at her nicely, certainly not after she had been expelled from the boarding like school for having been caught in the broom closet with her French teacher.

She was still there the next morning and as he passed her again, he threw her a bakery bag filled with bread.

Oksana had not been used to kindness and had felt shamed. Wondered if the man wanted something in return. Konstantin had not and instead offered her work, after she had not moved from the spot by evening the same day. 

And now she stood in her cabin Infront of her mirror, staring at herself in her uniform, knowing Konstantin had done his best to help her achieve her dream, something a father should have done, and she was annoyed he had told her off. 

"You are needed on bridge Oksana. If you aren't up in ten, I will make you walk the promenade for more pictures!" 

Konstantin said through the walkie talkie and she growled, hastening to grab her hat.  
But as she passed.the mirror she felt a smile tug at her lips, which made her roll her eyes at herself. He knew her too well. Before she ripped her cabin door open, she ordered herself to look as disgruntled as possible. She would not let Konstantin off the hook for the thing with Polastri.

**

"What are you looking at?"

Danas voice asked softly, almost in a whisper as she came to stop next to Eev who was standing outside, staring into one of the large floor to ceiling windows into the main restaurant.

"These uniforms…"

Everyone looked so posh and formal. The captain and his bridge crew all sat in formal wear, eating at a round table in the middle of the room.

"Captain's dinner. Come on, Cinderella, it's been a hell of a first day. And hey, you haven't puked…"

Eve let herself be pulled from the window and followed Dana along, back to the underbelly of the ship to their own dinner in the crew mess.

"Heard you and Oksana had another run in."

Dana almost sounded like she was laughing while Eve felt anger rise in her again.

"She's a stupid little prick. Just because she is an officer…I can't believe you would... with her…"

Danas hip bumped hers to push her along the buffet line. Not just the captain dined fine tonight, the crew was privy to the same food as the guests in their mess. 

"She's got an ego I give you that."

Dana simply seemed to not take the whole thing seriously, sitting across from her at their usual table and wagging her brows.

"You like that don't you.."

A shrug from the blonde and then a grin.

"There is certainly things where she deserve to have it"

Eve rolled her eyes and threw her napkin making Dana explode into her stupidly melodic laugh and somehow Eve felt compelled to at least smile.

"So...front desk huh…"

And Eve told her how her front desk day of hell went while they enjoyed an easy going dinner.  
It was minutes later that the captain and his officers actually came into the mess, a short greeting speech by Vasiliev and a toast to a good trip and then the captain and staff captain made their compulsory greeting round. Dana explained it was to welcome the newbies aboard.

They did stop at hers and Dana's table too, Konstantin smiling down at Eve.

"Ah we have met already. Quite a few times. You look better today Mrs Polastri. I am sure you will be a fine addition to the staff."

Oksana next to him nodded short at Dana, then stared at Eve, the intensity of the gaze almost make the older woman squirm in her seat as she thanked her captain.

"Well she at least makes sure the cleaners always have some stains to get rid off…good day Po Polastri"

Of course the stupid arse had to open her mouth for a quib against Eve.

Konstantin's eyes simply sparkled with an apologetic mirth as he ordered his staff captain to the promenade, to use her unarming charm on the guests instead. A death glare that did not faze the older gent and off the other woman was with her strict, fast gait.

"Well there is certainly no love lost between the two of you."

Commented Dana as she finished her pudding while Eve's face looked like the past storm itself.

"Hey little rain cloud, loosen up a little. Tomorrow is your first real port day. I'll show you my favourite Nassau beach and we'll just get a good tan."

Eve, felt her shoulders loosen and she smiled back at her friend nodding.

“Better one of your ideas to be honest.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

** Present **

"Ma'am...you are requested in the main dining room."

Eve looked up from her desk in her office, which was situated behind the info desk area, to find her second in command at her usually open door.

"I…"

"You had no itinerary on your desk Ma'am. We are doing a test dinner set up for lunch. Since you will be requested to have dinners in the main restaurant each night."

"did this missing itinerary also state which clothing will be required?"

She asked while already standing and making sure her uniform was impeccable.

"I will get you a new one and put it on your desk. Also the cruise line has sent an array of uniforms and dresses for you. Some will be formal so uniform, some will be evening wear."

She groaned, following the young lad towards the restaurant, which was positioned in the middle of the ship and was three decks high. She loved this new ship class and the timeless elegant style. It mixed 1920’s with modern strokes and it felt balanced. A bit for each.

In the dining room she found Anders and Oksana and Eve tried to sit across but the first waiter quickly shook his head and instructed her next to Oksana, the captain flanked by her and Anders.

Both stiffened in reaction to being so close. The table allowed them plus 3 on the other half for varying high ranking crew members. Explanations followed and then Eve was handed notes on when to dress how.

“Why don’t you have to dress up?”

She asked disgruntled, Oksana’s mood having darkened the longer they sat at the table, clutching the cutlery as if she would stab the next waiter readjusting her table set up.

"Well I for one am happy we can wear our uniforms."

Anders answered and then attacked the test lunch put in front of them while Oksana excused herself as soon as was polite, not touching her food any.

Eve bristled but Anders small talk distracted her from her renewed annoyance.

"She's never liked formal evenings…"

Anders commented and eve thought back having mixed memories. She knew Oksana had not liked them all. She had liked a few though…just before their fall out.

**Past**

"Hun, you look breathtaking!"

Dana exclaimed, watching Eve snap a picture.

Eve stood in front of her mirror and mustered a smile for the shot, about to send it to Niko, then stopping herself. All she did now, 3 months into her cruise endeavour, was saying she was alive, he said ok, that was it. She had tried instigating conversations. Had asked him about his parents, his friends, the bridge club. Niko was cordial but short. 

"Now let's go the club isn't waiting…"

Eve laughed at her bouncy friend and let herself be dragged out of her cabin.

They were in Rotterdam and would moor overnight, thus the possibility of actually going out. Dana knew a club from past tours and had decided they and the others they were friends with, needed to go.

At the security check out the found the 1st Security officer helping a staff member with something and he grinned at them as he checked them out with their crew passes.

"Ladies...don't do anything I wouldn't do. Remember, curfew is 2 am."

The time when the gangway would be closed and no one would be able to check them in. Anders winked at them once more and then they took one of the last tour busses into the city.

The Bahamas tours had been nice but Europe was certainly something else and Eve enjoyed the days off where she was able to leave the ship. Rotterdam was their first port and then they would do a few between west European cities before going to the Mediterranean. The last of her tour travels would be the Transatlantic.

They went across the large space in front of the famous Rotterdam market hall, looked at cubic houses before walking towards one of the many inner city side streets. Soon Eve could hear pumping music and turning one more corner she already saw the line. They did not need to wait for long to be allowed in as Dana remembered one of the bouncers.

The music inside was so loud they had to yell at each other and the first thing Dana did was get them a gin tonic before they found a booth to sit in.

Eve was sure she was supposed to feel strange out partying without her husband, but the cruise job had taught her that she wanted more from her life than endless cookouts and bridge meetings. She really thought that after her tour they would need to talk, she wanted spice in their life and not just the boredom of before. 

While Dana got them drinks Eve found some others of the staff sitting in a booth, calling her over. She secured her and Dana a spot and soon time was forgotten as they drank and danced, Eve making sure she had ample water between her glasses of Gin tonic, and laughed, joking around .

“Well look who's been let off the ship.”

Dana joked and nodded into the general direction of the Bar. There stood the staff Captained, all casually dressed. Eve had to take a double take at how different the younger woman looked.

"Close your mouth, darl!" 

Dana said and she shook her head a bit confused. That woman looked nothing like their staff captain. She looked like she was from some. Posh place in Paris. Cat like eyes landed on them and Eve felt like she wanted to hide from that gaze. Before she could think further of the scrutiny, Dana pulled her up on her elbow.

"I love this song!" 

Into the dancing masses she was pulled and soon forgot the staff captain all together as they danced and laughed. She felt elated and free in a way. Her mind completely off anything but enjoying herself for once. They danced the night away until at some point Eve felt eyes on her, looking around she found the staff captain in a booth, a girl's lips firmly attached to below her ear and staring at Eve. Something in her stomach dropped heavily and she felt the alcohol of the night take a toll as Eve felt exposed almost.

She had to leave then and there. The odd feeling stayed with her until she was outside in the fresh air, Dana following her a bit worried after her sudden departure.

“No worries Dana...I think I am just ready to head back. You stay here…”

Dana was about to protest when another of the spa staff members said she would go too, and Eve nodded feeling safer like that. 

Once back on ship Eve was riled up too much to go to bed and found herself wandering the ship after getting into more comfortable clothing. Not many were still awake at close to one am but Eve still decided to use the crew pathways. 

_Those eyes…._

She felt their burn still wondering why the staff captains eyes had been glued to her like this. 

In the crew mess she got Manny one of the servers to get her an extra strong coffee and asking for a cig. He grinned at her and she shrugged. 

"Long night Ma'am?" 

His grin was infectious. And she felt herself relax a bit as she walked her strong coffee to one of the deck spots at the front of the ships which was only accessible to crew. 

"I heard I need to be careful around you and beverages…" 

The soft voice of her captain spoke, his accent a bit thicker this late at night. 

"Not you too…" 

His eyes sparkled as he grinned and shrugged. 

"These will kill you." 

"I don't… not often at least." 

Konstantin leaned onto the railing next to her and together they stared out at the city in front of them. Rotterdam was one of the few ports where you could more right in the city. The lights around not giving away how late it was.

“Your Cruise Manager is very happy with your performance Eve. It seems you have found your calling.”

“My staff captain would say otherwise.”

She chuckled and drew a deep one, blowing out the smoke and watching as it drifted away in the slight breeze.

“Oksana has a tough shell but a good inside. She doesn’t like to show that to people.”

Turning to look at him Eve tried to make out the emotions in his face. He was fond of her so much was easy to see. The way he dealt with her moods, how he could call her out and discipline her without suffering her foul moods.

“Are you related?”

The captain shook his head.

“No. But I have known her since she was a teen. She could be mine for all its worth and I am certainly very proud of all she has achieved.”

Looking at him as he spoke of her confirmed it. Eve saw the understanding a father held.

“Besides her dickishness, the crew loves her and I understand why. She works hard.”

Eve had often heard how hands on she was.

“Yes, also doesn’t listen about not accumulating overtime as she does. I heard you are much the same. Maybe your little run ins are caused by that huh?”

Eve’s shoulders sagged a little as she shrugged. 

“I don’t have many fans lately. Captain...how does your wife deal with you always on tour?”

“She doesn’t like it. But it gives her a nice life. She has a husband in a uniform, lives in London and her daughter goes to the best private schools. I took this job for her and my child. To give them the life I think they deserve. Also she is always happy to see me go on another tour after being home for three months.”

His laugh was infectious and Eve grinned with him as she finished her cigarette and then coffee.

“Well I think my husband won't be as understanding as your wife.”

There was a kind of head tilt in understanding. 

“It is a strange move to take in the middle of the marriage. But some of us...need more than a home somewhere. Oksana...she is never homesick. It is more like when she has to be stationary she gets that feeling. Because she isn’t traveling.”

She felt that in a way. But she also imagined being stationary again. But when she thought of that, Niko wasn’t in the picture. She held on because...well she was used to him and his presence and it felt good knowing what was home. There was no excitement though and Eve knew that was not good.  
She had always wished she would be in love like her parents but that seemed far out of reach.

A hand squeezed her shoulder and she felt relief at the gesture.

“Goodnight.”

**Present**

“Captain a shot with your team please.”

The photographer said and Oksana was wearing her friendliest fake smile as she was put in the middle between Anders and Eve. 

“Closer please.”

A rumbling growl and Eve felt the lanky body press into her side, arm slinging around her waist like directed and heat seeping into her, so familiar. The flash went off and she wondered if her cheeks would hurt from all the fake smiling. Soon enough at least Eve had an excuse to leave as she was needed in the main dining hall to check over if all was ready for dinner service.  
She hastened herself as much as she could in the heels she wasn't used to, guests already in line in front of the still closed door. First evenings were tough. Generally the first and last day were.

Once Eve was happy with everything inside, she let the doors be opened. Waiters and cooks alike stood at the sides greeting the guests with friendly smiles. As soon as she saw that guests were properly seated, head waiters introducing themselves to their personal guests and so on, Eve went to her own table, feeling under scrutiny of her captain. As was proper, Oksana stood and helped her with the chair. They played their roles almost too well and Eve found her throat closing at the memories of times past where dinners like this together were something welcome.

But now it felt like they sat a bit too close, the heat of the other woman radiating off and Eve almost painfully aware.

“You look very beautiful Eve.”

Anders said and smiled at her brightly, some of the tightness in her chest vanished.

“You all look very dashing in your new Uniforms.”

The staff members smiled and while Oksana stayed silent throughout the meal, the rest of the table enjoyed easy conversation. Due to these dinners there evenings seemed even more stressed as each tried to complete the evening tasks. Eve excused herself straight after the main course to make sure the first show of the evening was well on the way while Oksana hastened back to the bridge.

When it was finally time to retire to bed, all Eve could think off was the look the Captain had thrown her as she had approached the table. An unguarded moment, both caught in the past maybe, old memories taking over. Appreciative is what it had been. Oksana had liked the dress and that her hair was open.

_”Leave your hair open...its amazing”_

So so long ago she had heard these words last.

She sighed as she got ready for bed, laying in her bunk and fighting memories as the ship softly moved. Usually this movement would lul her to sleep easily, this time though her mind was full of Oksana and it had not been in a while. She cursed Konstantin and Carolyn as she tried to banish thoughts of the other woman. Suddenly a salty tear caught on her lip. A shaky breath later, Eve wiped it clumsily.

_”I loved you!_

_”More than all the other girls in all the other ports? You don’t know what love is!”_

The memory cut like a knife and Eve knew she was in trouble. This was the first evening and she had months to go. Her and Oksana on the same ship was just a combination waiting to go off. 

_"No …. I loved you like the sea."_

Eve had walked away, pretending not to have heard these words while her heart ached. Now that pain was back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

**Past**

Southampton, compared to other ports, was relatively…bland. After having moored directly in Rotterdam, Eve thought it was normal to frown at the bleak Southampton port.  
She checked her outfit, and frowned at her frumpy looking self. Today she would finally meet her husband, him having driven down just for the occasion. Eve had gotten Niko a visitors pass and would show him the ship and maybe he would have enough courtesy to mask his anger with the appropriate ooh’s and aah’s. 

She ate breakfast rather quickly and said goodbye to Dana and her small circle of friends before she went to the gangway, through the port building and then out, where busses waited to bring the cruise goers into the city itself.

For some Reason, Eve felt herself squaring her shoulders as she waited for Niko and just as she saw him walk up, a perpetual frown etched onto his face, it started to drizzle.   
His mustache twitched in distaste as he saw the ship and Eve tried to muster a big smile for him, trying to look excited but the way Niko had looked when he had arrived, was enough to make her weary.

“Can we go?”

He asked without a hello and nodded behind himself.

“Oh...Hi. I got you a visitors pass. I thought I could show you the ship. It even allows you into the crew passageways and so on.”

His eyes bored into her as he stared down at the pass as if it was an insult. It was then that he noticed she was not at all dressed to get off board.

“We’ll go in to get you a jacket but I don’t care to see this thing.”

She wanted to yell at him and his bullheadedness but then Eve kept reminding herself, she was the one that had chosen a job away from home. His anger was partly justified. Maybe, she hoped, once inside Niko might be interested after all so she trotted in front of him, almost apologetic. 

“So this is my cabin. I lucked out and have no one to share with this tour.”

“Can you hurry, Eve?”

She was standing next to her cabin door, wanting to let Niko in, but he looked stiff and angry.

“Get your jacket we don't have all day.”

Something inside of Eve bristled. 

“All day for what Niko? I thought you would be happy to see me again.”

“I booked a few hours in a close by Hotel and it's hard enough finding a Hotel doing that without asking questions.”

She must have looked incredulous and shocked.

“Are...are you for real? A hotel room?”

His mustache sat in a strict line, face slowly getting red and the vein in his neck protruded.

“I have needs too, Eve.”

She shoved him back against the wall, staring up absolutely burning with anger.

“That's exactly why I left, Niko. because your needs always trumped mine. Like stupid Kent. Or endless camping trips to Lake district.”

“YOU SAID YOU LOVED LAKE DISTRICT!”

“No Niko, I said I am going because you love it! I did everything because you love it and your inability to deal with things I like. But I am done Niko. I left because I am getting older and older catering to your needs while craving things and never achieving them!”

His face was a mask of anger and incredulity.

“I haven’t seen you in months and all you can think off is showing me the stupid ship?”

His voice showed he was seething and Eve felt getting more and more angry herself.

“And all you cared about is a stupid Hotel and treating me like a whore Niko? I tried to keep in contact and you couldn't even be bothered to write back and now this? You really think I was thinking of sleeping with you today?”

Niko stepped closer to her, pointing his finger accusingly.

“Step away now before I call security, Sir!”

Eve’s shoulders actually sagged in relief as she heard the staff captains voice, her accent harsh with anger and she watched Niko move back, staring at the woman in uniform.

“Listen I am talking to my wife.”

“No, Sir, you are yelling and you seemed threatening towards a crewmember. Now I am asking you only once to get off the ship.”

Eve knew what was to come as she saw her husband's annoyed eye roll. Like Oksana was one of his unruly kids at school and he had to reprimand. 

“Listen lady...I dont know who you think you are but my wife and I are leaving, no worries ok?”

He was about to reach for Eve and Oksana just shot her one look, for some reason Eve’s reaction wasn’t in favor of going with her husband, so Oksana stepped in between.

“I am the staff captain and thus the head of security and I am asking you now, to leave the ship peacefully before I have you escorted off the ship Mr. Polastri.”

**Present**

“Absolutely no, Dimitri. I know you guys need the time to exercise but the movement of the ship right now wont allow you on the stage. Especially not on aerial exercise with those silk things.”

The by far larger man sighed heavily but he realised her tone was no-nonsense and her hand squeezed his large forearm.

“The storm might go on tonight and we have to cancel the whole show. Go relax some with your team. Right now we are busy helping sick passengers. If you guys need anything let my second in command know.”

Before she could say more she saw an older couple try to make their way along the hallway, both having trouble with the ship rolling with the waves.  
She went to them and helped them towards the elevators where staff waited to help people back to their cabins. Checking her watch, she went up to the bridge hoping to see if they had gotten an update on the weather situation.

“Captain.”

She said, the ship moved and she grabbed a railing making a surprised sound.

“Mrs. Park. How are the guests.”

“Walking the decks like drunken sailors. Cleaning crews are constantly called somewhere and sea sickness pills are being dealt like cocaine in Miami.”

A delicate eyebrow rose as the captain turned to her and Eve shrugged.

“What’s the weatherman predicting?”

Oksana leaned back on her big navigation desk where all about route, weather etc was logged, then with a sigh she grabbed the intercom after having perused the info for a few.

“Attention guests, this is Captain Astankova speaking. As you may have realized, we have come into bad weather. I advise elderly and sick guests to only leave the cabins if absolutely needed. Please use our in cabin service. The storm should pass tonight. I will keep you updated if needed.”

Eve nodded to Oksana and then called her higher ranking staff with a change of plans as the captain has seen fit and to make sure in cabin service happened fast. She also made sure to remind them that the hallways needed to stay absolutely clear for fire safety reasons.

“I’ll keep you and your staff updated. Evening shows will be out of the question. We will have to see about evening service.”

A nod and then Eve felt dismissed. Not in an unfriendly way, rather in a professional one as both had too much work at their hands.

While Dinner service was not canceled the ships other entertainment had been and the crew was busy caring for sea sick passengers. 

At Dinner service she found herself sitting at the dinner table in a not very filled dining room, alone without her captain and staff captain. She held position and answered the questions of passengers coming up to the table. The ship was already calming down and it was decided that instead of the silk acrobatics a movie would be shown for the guests feeling up to it, which was a good sign for the guests too.

“Alvarez, would you please make sure that Captain and staff Captain receive their meal on the bridge, as well as anyone up there who couldn't eat yet.”

Eve ordered her head of service.

“Yes Ma’am, anything else?”

“Make sure everyone is extra pampered tonight to make up for the bad day.”

Up on the bridge Oksana was not allowed to steer the ship itself as she was on mandatory break, but she watched Anders hawkishly, at his side if he needed her. He did more than fine though and Oksana trusted him like no one else.

They were debating the latest weather news when the Bridge door opened and service members brought meals and coffee for the bridge crew.

“Mrs Park sent us, Captain, to make sure the bridge crew had dinner.”

She nodded, actually feeling grateful at the thoughtfulness.

“She ordered extra strong coffee.”

Anders looked at her smugly as he dug into his dinner, smiling happily.

“Ah she is a lovely soul…We should make sure to say thank you, yes Captain? You could do that...when you go down to get the sleep you need to have before you are allowed back up here.”

“Are you kicking me out?”

She smiled though, knowing he was right. She needed to get her sleep and the storm was letting up. In about an hour they would have passed it and the sea would calm.

“Kind of. But politely.”

Thus she finished her meal and then excused herself, trudging off and feeling the tough day in every one of her bones. On her way down she used the normal staircases and passageways, knowing she had to show herself to the guests, smile, get pictures taken to soften over the stress the day had brought them. Although she felt tired, she smiled and posed, talked to guests and explained the weather and route and why some decks were closed off for safety. She felt her own nerves run thin though, being asked the same things over and over.  
Just as an older italian couple approached her, she felt her elbow being grabbed and heard Eve apologize but the captain was needed elsewhere, but to please direct their questions at the info desk who was putting in some extra hours to help guests.

Ever so fucking fakely polite.

Oksana, for some reason, let herself be dragged into a crew staircase.

“The fuck, Park?”

She cursed.

“A thanks for saving you from hours of stupid questions would suffice, Captain Astankova!”

She heard the other woman hiss. In some crew hallway they stopped and Eve shook her head.

“You are three hours overtime! Anders told me to save you from the promenade.”

“I did my job!”

Eve snorted, Oksana bristled, hands in fists at her side.

“Your job is steering the ship and being awake enough to do so!”

Oksana knew Eve was right, that did not mean she would admit it.

“Listen Park..!”

“No you listen. Me and my staff have done our best all day. You are looking beyond tired, Captain. We are handling it. Be apologetic to guests tomorrow, at breakfast, but otherwise, let me handle it, as is my job!”

There it was, the friendly and prim and proper facade had slipped. Eve was livid and annoyed and Oksana was livid because of course she had to be right. Oksana felt like dead walking on her feet by now.

“Hey...I am not done talking to you Park!”

Oksana called after her, watching the other woman walk away, pissed off that Park dared leave her behind like this.

“Yes you are. Go to bed, Oksana.”

The use of her name stopped her dead in her tracks and after a few seconds of deep breaths, the blonde turned stiffly and marched to her cabin, cursing under her breath in all languages she knew.

**Past**

She was on the Crew deck, staring out at the sea as the Primus cut through it. Eve was in her Uniform and complementing crew pullover, having finished her evening Info desk service and using her time off to mull over what had happened that day. Niko had written her just before they left the port, in a kind of apology. It was more an explanation of his anger and annoyance that was supposed to serve as an explanation.   
Eve had read and not answered. The scene he had caused and the way he had treated her, had shamed Eve.  
The door behind her to the crew deck creaked, then was moved repeatedly before she heard Oksana on her walkie talkie asking someone to re-oil the hinges. Eve smiled a bit but straightened her face so Oksana would not see. A mug was placed on a table next to her and when she turned slightly to peruse it, she saw oksana held her own. They were dressed alike, their only difference the stars on her shoulders and the two stripes on Eve’s.

“I am sorry for the scene..”

Oksana shrugged and leaned against the railing.

“You ok? So….that was him? Mr Polastri. The walking Mustache.”

She could not hold back the snort even though it was mean and this was her husband she talked about.

“I asked him not too...but well he likes it. And yes, that was him. I...he isn’t usually…”

There was just a look from Oksana, a knowing one that told her not to lie for her sake, then hazel eyes returned to the waves below. 

“Do….do you have somewhere you call home staff captain?”

She watched as the blonde sipped from her mug and shrugged.

“I travel around in my time off. I don’t like being stationary.”

Oksana thought of the few times she stayed somewhere. That was usually with Konstantin around the holidays if she was on break. 

“I am so bored at home. When I just think of it I feel as if my mind goes blank.”

She would be bored too with the walking mustache at home, Oksana thought. 

“I am not one for advice. But I am a firm believer of life your life however it makes you happy. We only have this one.”

Eve wondered if she craved to be more like this woman. Never stationary somewhere, always seeing and exploring things. She was not really sure right then if she wished to return to her home. Not if things did not change between her and Niko. She did not like the thought of leaving him, he was a constant and Eve liked constants. But then living like they had was not an option any longer.

She was about to reply to the taller woman next to her, when the door behind them opened and a janitor started oiling the door.

“Thank you for …”

Eve could not finish as her walkie talkie called her back to the shops to help with something. But Astankovas words of this being her only life, got stuck in her head. She knew she could not keep living their marriage like she had. She needed to be truer to herself.

**Present**

Eve had spent most of her previous evening taking care of guests and making them happy again after a day of a shaking ship. She had stayed up until 1 am, so the first thing she did after getting ready for the day, was grabbing an extra strong coffee and then making her way to her office to check if any complaints needed following up before most of the guests would start to wake. As she switched on the light she felt rooted to the spot, staring at her desk. In the middle of it was a handwritten note simply proclaiming thanks and a ginger treat on top.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed!


	7. Chapter 7

**Present**

She twirled the ginger treat in her hand, staring at the reflection her desk lamp left on the golden yellow paper. Eve’s thoughts had drifted into regions she did not wish to go towards any longer. Unbidden and making it hard for her to concentrate.

“Madam? We have News from Miami, they have allowed the free wine for each guest to make up for last night. They have also confirmed that a Band will join the crew in Nassau tomorrow. “

Eric, her second in command said, peeking his head into her office. She put down the ginger treat and smiled at him.

“Good please make sure we have signs written for dinner service tonight. Also can you make sure that the kitchen has their delivery lists in order by tonight? The company has sent some additional things to Nassau for use to load.”

The next Port after Nassau would be almost 11 days apart and they needed to make sure they were not running out of some essentials. Back in Europe they could restock for the last leg of the tour but Eve did not want to run out of champagne and steak as they went. Since the Chefs still taught new cooks she liked to make sure they remembered the not cooking tasks like keeping sight of their stocks.

“I will. Oh...Madam the Captain and staff captain asked you to join them in about 15 mins up at the breakfast buffet. I...sorry I should have said that first.”

Checking her watch she cringed as she saw the doors had already opened for breakfast and she needed to race up now. With a bit of annoyance she stood.

“Eric, next time important things first. Call the Staff captain and say I am on my way up.”

She spent no moment waiting to actually hear him do that as she made sure her Uniform was spotless and then got into an elevator with guests, saying good morning and feeling all eyes on her. She was used to people looking at her like this. Being in a white officers Uniform packed a punch even on the cruise ships. 

Oksana was in front of the doors to the buffett dining hall with Anders, her second in command wearing a stupid viking hat from their on stage shows while she wore her biker outfit and one of the servers held a Panda fur cyclists helmet for whenever Eve decided to grace them with her presence.

Eve had been right in her own way, Oksana had needed sleep, badly. And after dropping her thank you note, she dropped off to sleep in a second flat. Saying thank you to Eve had been like drinking vinegar. She did that anyways because like her, Eve was someone that worked hard. She was a professional and Oksana appreciated her work ethic. There was still too much anger and pain involved with the korean and Oksana felt like her skin was getting thinner and thinner each day she had to spend with Eve. 

“Ah...there she is. And she is turning to run!”

Anders was off his scooter as soon as he saw Eve turn back to the hallway. Her eyes had widened when seeing them and she had done a turn. But he caught her wrist and grinned while the older woman was already arguing.

Under her helmet, Oksana grinned devilishly, sitting on her motorcycle knowing Eve hated it.

**Past**

The Azores was really something else. The group of Isles was one of their mediterrean stops and Eve had heard a lot of the Isle with the two colored lakes. The climate was a strange mix and match of spanish heat and sudden british rains and fog. Eve was up very Early, unable to sleep still after the whole Niko thing, but appreciating the raw beauty of the Isle. 

Her fave spot was down in the belly of the ship when they opened the hatches to let air in and the Pilot, watching as they got onto the ship to help guide it into the ports. Just as this morning when she sat on one of the delivery boxes, munching a banana and sipping her coffee as she watched the waves through the open hatches.

She watched closely as Oksana greeted the Pilot, naming the ship, souls on board and then having someone escort him to the bridge.

“Not going with him today?”

Eve had watched this process so often.

“No….I worked overtime. I can't be up.”

Like truck drivers, captains and staff captains had mandatory breaks and Oksana must have gone way past hers to be barred from the bridge. 

“Why are you always down here?”

“It’s not always. Just when my shift is late. I like seeing the sea like this. Makes me less nauseous too.”

And she used the time to ponder her life silently, especially what she wanted from it in the future. Since the Southhampton Episode the staff captain had mellowed out towards her and Eve certainly liked this staff Captain better.   
“See you around Po Polastri!”

The blonde said and Eve did not even think of correcting her. It would only egg the other woman on to further use that moniker.  
Eve’s eyes followed the lanky blonde for a while before she finished her coffee and decided it was time to get ready for the day. She had it off and planned to check out what to do and see while the ship lay in port. Maybe she would just spend her day in Ponta del Gada and walk around, see some shops.

That was exactly what she decided for after she left the ship, walking into the city and checking it out, shooting some pictures here and there and admiring all the Hydrangeas growing on the Isle in all colors possible. By noon she was at a tourist information reading about the two colored lakes and wondering if she could find a tour going up there and coming back down just in time. Behind her the cities streets bustled with life, the little Isle rather full of it. A motorcycle revved, a honking sound and then loud spanish yelling followed. Eve was not registering any of it as she tried to find an english brochure with Taxi or Tour numbers.

“The two colored lakes. Lagoa Azul and Lagoa Verde. It’s a good day to go there, For once it’s not pissing down or foggy.”

Eve had almost jumped at the voice behind her, finding her staff captain in a rather unusual outfit.

“Are you wearing Biker Leathers?”

“Konstantin won’t let me off the ship if I don't wear them.”

Eve needed seconds to actually register the rest of the attire. A dark matte black helmet and behind her, parked on the curb a motorcycle.

“Where…”

“It's on the ship. I like to drive it whenever we stop in a good Port.”

Eve’s eyebrows rose and she was still staring at the matte black machine. Of course the young hot shot would have such a thing. Oksana was just the person she would imagine with a motorcycle actually. Rebellious. 

“So want to see the lakes? I am on my way to Sete Cidades anyways, I can take you.”

Her head shok before she could tell her body to say no. 

“I am NOT getting on one of these!”

The laugh that came from the taller blond was something else, deep and sincere and maybe the first time Eve witnessed a very sincere positive emotion from the staff Captain.

“One day Po Polastri! You will see.”

“It’s Polastri! Or...or Eve.”

She said, blushing at the nickname and then at the smolder she received in return, one side of Astankovas mouth lifting in a smirk.

“Eve then.”

The woman husked and as Eve was busy feeling slightly mortified at her reaction and blushing, the taller woman pulled her helmet on, winked at her and then put the Visor down. With a swift motion she was on the bike and started it, revving the engine as she shot off towards Sete Cidades, Brown eyes gazing after her until she had vanished in the city streets.

She felt like back in Rotterdam, that night when she had found a rather heated gaze glued to her and mazbe Dana’s description of the Staff Captain was accurate, she was like a hunter and for a short moment Eve had realized what Dana had meant with that.  
What Astankova wanted, she got.

**Present**

“Come on Eve. Time to tell our guests we are sorry about the shit weather!”

Anders said as he steered her towards the captain on the pristine clean motorcycle. Eve swallowed thickly while arguing, remembering that Bike all to well. She wondered if Oksana was hoping for a reaction from her. It felt so so wrong to let her mind even go to her memories and she wanted to yell out. She knew exactly what Astankova was doing and she was pissed and hurt but also so caught in times things were different.

“No...no! Give me the scooter then!”

“You can’t drive the scooter without knowing how it works! And I don't want you to crash”

As if it was the most sane explanation ever about what was going on. From inside the restaurant bustling of morning service reached them. 

“You said I should apologize at breakfast!”

“Come on Eve, the guests will love it.”

Anders beseeched and Eve turned beet red at the stupidity of the idea.

“I don't have time forever here, Park. I don’t want to make it a captain's order.”

They had until now co-existed on this ship without such a thing but even the threat was enough to make Eve take the panda helmet and pull it on angrily. Anders sighed and rolled his eyes at his captain who had once more made the whole situation worse with her boorishness.

“We would not want that, Captain Astankova.”

Eve hissed back and Oksana tilted the bike so Eve, who was much shorter, could get on behind her. Hands landed on her shoulders and Okssana realized the moment that the other woman was behind her, that maybe the idea had been stupid. The double doors were opened and Anders cruised into the dining hall on his electric scooter, ringing his little annoying bell and announcing to the guests to make way for their captain.

Slowly and carefully Villanelle drove the machine in, Eve waving behind her and smiling brightly while Oksana loudly announced, that she had the crew pray to Neptune that morning and that since she had promised a seaman's festival with nautic baptisms in the name of neptune, she hoped they were now granted better weather. The festival would be as soon as they made it to the Atlantic and started their multi day travel across, towards Europe. 

The Event was always done on Transatlantic cruises but Astankova gave it a twist that excited the guests, who were now looking forward and hopefully in a good mood that day. Good mood on a transatlantic cruise at the pool deck meant better drink sales. 

Eve admired the way the other woman always seemed to make people listen to her, She could bullshit her way through anything the Korean believed. She had seen Oksana talk herself out of trouble before, so it came as no surprise. 

When the Captain moved the bike again, Eve was surprised by it and out of instinct her hands went around the lanky and leather encased frame to hold on securely as they left the dining room again.

“Ah that was a blast Oksana. We should do this more often!”

Anders said and grinned as he bit into an apple he had grabbed on his way out. 

“Please don't. I'll send a cleaner in to wipe the floor just in case.”

Eve had been off the bike as soon as it came to a halt and she tried to look anywhere but at Oksana. Which she failed at miserably as the other woman pulled off that stupid helmet and shook out her hair, fluffing it. It was still such a nice length that the ends softly curled in big waves. Usually the blond mane was in a pristine bun.

Anders was already back at the elevators to go back down but Eve and Astankova were left behind.

“Don't ever threaten to pull rank like this again!”

The Panda cycling helmet hit Oksana’s chest harshly and for some reason she was delighted at Eve’s anger, face untelling of her inner emotion as hazel eyes calmly stared at Eve.

“Come on Eve. Didn’t you like being back on the bike. For old times sake.”

“I hate you…”

Came the whispered reply and Eve could not even look at her but the words stung still. After all these years, something inside of Oksana still pulled painfully at the words and she heard the way Eve’s voice hitched and knew the other woman must have had tears in her eyes. She could not move as she watched the other woman hastily take the stairs so as not to be in an elevator with her. But the feeling of accomplishment at her words did not really come and then she found Anders staring at her disappointed and Oksana had nothing to say.

**Past**

“Hey babe you usually don’t miss dinner!”

Dana smiled as she stepped into Eve’s cabin, sitting on the bunk bed as Eve occupied her desk, a piece of paper in her hand.

“You look like the world is on your shoulders. Which it shouldn't be. Your tour’s over and you’re going home.”

Eve nodded and then turned, facing the always so happy and relaxed blonde that had become such a close friend for her.

“Feeling the blues of leaving friends?”

“They are asking me to renew with them. They want me to stay here and take more responsibility. Second in command.”

Dana yelled and clapped happily, grinning from ear to ear.

“Oh my god Eve! That is so amazing! Oh…”

And suddenly both thought of why this wasn’t an easy decision.

“Niko won't like that. I have no idea what to do.”

The other woman nodded understanding and then reached over to squeeze Eve’s knee. 

No, no one could help her with that decision. Fact was, she had the best time of her life on the ship. She had seen places she had only ever dreamed off and the offer would come with a substantial pay raise. 

“As you see, I have a reason to not feel hungry.”

“I get it babe. I’ll let you get some time to think. You come find me when you need to talk.”

Eve had told her mother first and the older Park was delighted, telling her it was time to do her thing instead of withering away in Kent. It was no secret her mother despised Niko.  
After a while of pondering the repercussions, she felt the need for some fresh air.

The sea was so calm and soft that night, sky clear and full of twinkling stars. The fresh breeze made Eve’s muscles loosen up immediately. She would miss this, she knew. Yes the job was stressy, but Eve liked being busy. The job fulfilled her more than others had done and letting go of it for a marriage that bored her to death, scared Eve. Staying another tour would not go well though, she felt she would lose her husband and it scared her, while at the same time something else inside of her, woken by her travels, asked her if it would be so bad.

She heard the faintest sound of the door behind her opening and by now she knew exactly who would be there. Each time Eve had found herself at the spot she had not needed to wait long for the Staff Captain to arrive. 

“Hey Oksana.”

She wondered if it was really the other woman because for long seconds there was no answer and no steps as if the mystery person had stopped in their tracks.

“How?”

With a grin, Eve turned and leaned against the railing staring at the staff captain and shrugging.

“You look like something is weighing you down.”  
Oksana came to stand next to her, staring out at her beloved sea and taking deep breaths.

“How did you know this was the job for you?”

There was a soft smile at the question and Oksana's eyes changed.

“I come from a seafaring family. All my male ancestors were on boats and ships or in the Navy. Sadly I was a girl and my father never found another woman to put up with him, after my mother passed from cancer. So his family's legacy, he thought, ended with me. He always told me I would never make it to anything on a ship.”

A snort. 

“I thought Konstantin...in the beginning I thought he was your family.”

“He is all I have in a way. My Papa kicked me out when I was 16. Konstantin kind of took me in. He helped me achieve this career.”

Eve suddenly understood the bond much better.

“Thanks for telling me.”

“Does it help?”

Somehow the younger woman seemed to have understood something really was on her mind, heavily.

“They asked me to do another tour. I would be second in command next time.”

A knowing nod.

“Mustache man won’t like it.”

The silence grew heavy as Eve realized she need not confirm it.

“It’s your life. I….for one would be glad to have you douse me in cheap cantina coffee again.”

“Liar.”

She let her eyes drift to the other woman, taking in her delicate model like features. This woman could have been a model but here she was working endless hours in hopes to make it to captain one day. They had found a strange sort of raport the longer they traveled together. Eve found the other woman to be a delight to speak to. She hid so much behind her boorishness but sometimes she let Eve see some of her other side and it had lured the Korean in. Eve wanted to know more and somehow for all their differences their few minutes spent together here and there were the best part of her days sometimes.

“I have never seen her be friendly to someone and not try to fuck them”

Dana had commented one time after she had found Oksana and her sitting on the dock of a port, sharing some tapas and watching the ships as the blonde explained anything about the things they could see and how they worked. 

Thinking of not spending time with her new friends any longer hurt and Eve realized this was what it should feel like when she thought of losing Niko over her job.

“You still haven’t come on a bike tour with me.”

“And I never will get on that thing!”

There was a boisterous laugh and delicate brows waggled in delight and promise.

“Never say never, Eve.”

Oksana's eyes danced with mirth and her smile was cocky. There was a feeling inside of Eve’s chest, a tightening of sorts, as she wondered if she would ever see Oksana again after they arrived at the last port in Miami.

_Never say never._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its heating up!

**Past**

“Can you two please stop already?!”

Konstantin sighed annoyed, re-reading the same paragraph in the newspaper again as his wife was on the other side of the kitchen counter, preparing Dinner and Oksana and Irina were arguing in the living room.

His wife only rolled her eyes and turned her back to them before sending Irina to her room in russian, asking her to finish her school project. Oksana stuck her tongue out, grinning when Konstantin rolled his eyes at their antics.

“You can pack your stuff meanwhile.”

He said, his tone leaving no room for discussion.

“I have plenty of …”

“Now, Oksana. We leave tonight.”

Three months she had been stuck on land. Three months of traveling around and returning once or twice to Konstantins home. It was her home too. Alas she never felt home there. She lived in the garden house and barely was in it. Olga and Konstantin did not care about her flighty nature. Since she was of age she left and returned as she pleased. They called her a traveling soul. It was true and her chosen profession the only way to live that lifestyle.

Tonight they would finally go back to the ship. 3 months she could barely fill with enough things to take her mind off the sea. 

_”Some of us are born with the sea in their veins. The water will call them like a siren.”_

That had been the words of an old lady that had watched over her once, right after her mother had died from cancer and her father had taken care of the funeral. She did not believe in myths or gods. But she understood the sentiment. She felt best when on a ship, surrounded by the sea. Even better if it was stormy and wild. 

“Konstantin will we get most of the old crew? Anyone returning?”

“Who are you asking for, Oksana? The woman you have been sleeping with, from Spa? No...no you like her but you don’t care if she returns. Is it a certain Korean with a knack for spilling things on you?”

She forced herself not to have her head swivel around in reaction, his snort was telling enough, he needed no confirmation.

Oksana stole a Pierogi from the stack of finished ones, barely escaping Olga’s wooden spoon and smiling lopsided as she stole out of the house, munching down the steaming hot pierogi. Back in the garden house she packed the rest of her belongings into her large seasack. Irina had given her a picture of them all, snapped at Konstantins Birthday Party years ago, nicely framed. Carefully she hid it back in a chest at the food of her bed, stowed away so no one could take it. Like she locked everything away which was dear to her. It had been the first time she had heard Konstantin call her his daughter, telling his party guests about all he was grateful for, and Oksana stored it away, in her heart, in her chest of knick knacks that only she could access.

Konstantin had easily seen through her of course. She had asked a few times during their break for any news on the returning crew. Lower crew members were switched from boat to boat. The higher ranking one’s though could stay together to allow for trust building amongst officers. It was encouraged in their cruise line, thus why Konstantin had been able to teach her everything for years now. 

To say she had not been intrigued by Eve Polastri, would have been a lie. The woman was interesting because she did not fawn over her and she loved the job as Oksana did. Smart and not scared to curse her and call her out. She liked it.  
The shorter woman had annoyed her endlessly in the beginning, but the episode with that dick of a husband had done something to her and she had seen Eve in a different light.  
At first Oksana had thought it might have been because she often went for the unhappily married woman, but there was more than that.

A frown and huff and Oksana closed her chest with a loud bang, locking it and feeling anger at her own strange emotions. Emotions got you hurt and she wanted nothing less, than another heartbreak. That was memories she had locked inside her chest too, so it could not hurt her any longer. Anyways, Konstantin had not said a word so her last option was calling up a ‘friend’, she needed to let the phone ring for a minute straight before she finally heard the click in the line, indicating the call being picked up.

“No!”

“Oh hi, Kenny! How is my fave geek doing?”

A deep and tortured sigh had Oksana drop down on her large bed with a grin.

“Konstantin forbid me to tell you anything.”

It took a few seconds of silence before she actually laughed.

“Ah, he knows me too well. Come on Kenny, I’ll take you to a strip club, let you see a naked lady for the first time. I’ll even get you a Soda.”

“I am giving you the Finger right now Oksana. See you tomorrow night.”

She heard someone call for her through the garden, realizing it was probably time for food.

“I’ll see you Kenny.”

**Present**

“Aaaaaaaand overrr all the way to the left, we have our wonderful cruise Manager! Round of Applause for Mrs Park who will delight you with her Caipirinha. Since the Captain can”t make it tonight she has sent her second in Command, Our Norwegian Staff Captain. Come on guys cheer for Mr Anders Petterson who will mix a Tequila Sunrise.”

The DJ went on and on explaining the other 3 officers position on board and the drinks they would make. The guests were already buying poker chips to give to the officers as payment and at the end of the night the officer with the most Chips would get a nice breakfast in suite and a sleep in.

The roofed indoor pool deck was swamped with people dressed for a party, a live band was prepping and waiters were going around selling the officers drinks for 6 bucks a glass. It was cheap and supposed to be a fun night out. Eve went over the laminated list in front of her again, checking that she had all ingredients and just as she finished the Band started playing the first song and the Officer mixer was opened. 

The hour she stood there selling Caipirinha and joking with the passengers, almost let her forget her renewed episode with the Captain. Only almost though. After all her glasses had been filled and sold, she did her rounds and then left towards the crew mess, in need of a good tea.

“How could you abandon me in the fangs off that woman, Eve?”

Anders said, red lipstick on his cheek. Eve laughed as she watched him wipe that off.

“Did she..?”

“Yeap. Big old smooch to the cheek and her hand was about to wander from shoulder…”

The young man shuddered but then smiled at Eve. 

“Congrats you haven't killed anyone with your concoctions.”

His smirk made Eve roll her eyes, albeit playfully. Down to the mess they went, which was filled with people eating in preparation for night shift as they grabbed their mugs and then decided to go on a crew outside spot and take in some of the fresh air. 

The spot was almost like on the Primus, just more space, some chairs added, some benches and tables. Her mind wandered to old times, clutching the mug to her chest and letting the warm tea warm them. 

“What happened this morning?”

Anders spoke softly, as if wary of scaring her off. The day had worn Eve thin though and she felt her defenses were down, taking a deep breath as she remembered the haughty words.

“She said something...about our past.”

Anders let that settle for long moments, letting her gather herself.

“I have my two leading officers at each other's throat or fake friendly and I am...on eggshells, waiting for the next time you two blow up on each other. I don't get what is going on Eve. You are both top notch officers, professionals. But as soon as you have to work together one or the other always tilts the moment. What the hell happened that turned you guys into this?”

Blinking against the sting of tears, Eve turned her head sideways, not wanting her staff captain to see.

“It’s in the past and should stay there. But she always knew just how to infuriate me. The Captain caught me off guard this morning.”

The memory the other woman had caused more like. Sitting on her bike with her again, holding on. When she had been surprised and slung her arms around the thin frame, she had for a second been caught in a memory of better times. And being called out on it had stung deep. Oksana dangled it over her head. Over and over. 

“Eve...you are grown up women. What the hell could make you two fall out like that? People said you guys used to be such tight friends. What the hell could...oh…”

She had not needed to say anything, shaking her head and sighing. Eve could feel his mind go a mile a minute as he pierced together whatever he knew with what he had just realized. 

“Believe me, even if I explained it, it wouldn't be half of the story. We both made huge mistakes, we hurt each other and the past should stay in the past. Please Anders...please I just need to forget it.”

“Eve, we both know that won’t work out. You have to at some point just resolve this.”

“Resolve how? All she does is taunt me, Anders! I just want to do this tour and not...not be in constant battles with my Captain.”

**Past**

“Ah, finally back with the old Lady!”

Konstantin said as he got out of the cab, Oksana following him not a second later, taking in a deep gulp of air. She was home. Finally! Turning to Konstantin to say something she saw another person get out of a different cab not far away. Dark wild curls softly moved in the breeze and Oksana’s pupils widened as she found herself glued to the spot, watching as Eve pushed up sunglasses onto her head, staring at the ship and smiling and her heart did that thing she hated. 

There was a push against her shoulder, moving her slightly forward and Oksana turned, ready to lash out, but Konstantins eyes danced with laughter and she felt she almost blushed. Instead she lifted her head proudly, telling with her eyes to dare say something before she went and grabbed her sea sack, shouldering it and stomping towards the Primus, her foster father behind her, still snorting.

There was absolute giddiness in her, seeing Eve again, knowing she was on another tour with them, getting more time with the other woman. She tried to squash these feelings though, because feeling like this would leave her vulnerable and she had faced the consequences of that before. She had let feelings run rampant and it had caused her so much pain.

“Stop day dreaming Oksana. Put your stuff in your room and meet me on the Bridge.”

Konstantin ordered and strode off. Just like her he needed ships, he needed to lead, to decide.  
Being called out by him irked her. She did not like it, she was certainly not daydreaming about a certain korean, the way her hair always moved in the breeze, the way her smile made her face lit up.

“MADAM!”

Just before she could step into the sign on the landing deck greeting the crew members, the yell stopped her dead in her tracks, staring down at the offending thing with disgust.  
In her cabin she quickly grabbed her officers pullover and then hurried to the Bridge, trying to fill her mind with her duties, knowing that for now, her mind was needed elsewhere. Hours later when she had her crewbook she found herself propelled to the crew cabins and sure enough, before Oksana could stop herself, she had knocked on the door, she knew belonged to Eve Polastri.  
“Well hello there.”

The woman having opened the door was certainly not Eve and she took half a step back, posture changing.

“Please don't look so disappointed. Eve”s getting us water. I am her roomie, Elena Felton, Gym.”

Oksana stared for a second before she straightened herself, feeling foolish.

“Staff Captain Astankova. Welcome aboard the Pri…”

“Oksana!”

That voice! She turned and smirked at Eve lopsidedly, pushing her hands into her white Uniform pants pockets. 

“Hey, Po-Polastri.”

A playful eye roll before Eve handed the six-pack of water to Elena. 

“Hey, listen...we are going to Dinner…”

“I am eating out tonight. With Konstantin and friends. But I’ll find you later ok? Like always?”

A nod and then Eve waved before leading Elena Felton towards the crew mess.

“Sooo...wanna tell me about Mrs hottie?”

“Oh shush Elena! She's a friend.”

Eve said and bumped shoulders with the other woman. Dana had returned to her home of Maryland after the last tour, being offered the chance at her own massage practice. They had talked all the time via phone over their break time. Dana had helped tremendously with her decision making. Her husband...not so much but after his initial blunder and the mass of cash she brought back from her tour with promise of another pay rise, had mellowed him. They were still on the rocks, but at least he stopped complaining and she felt bad for this being all she needed from her Husband Niko right now. Stepping back and stop being angry. Accept she was leaving for another six months. When she had told him her decision his shoulders had sagged.  
Niko went to his bridge club, returned drunk and slept on the couch for a few days. And that was that.

“No but seriously...holy shit! Are all officers this fucking good looking?”

They giggled like school girls and Eve felt a blush creep up her neck.

“Some.”

After Dinner and a meeting with more of her team, Eve went to her usual spot, soon the door creaked, Oksana cursed and they laughed as they finally faced each other alone.

“You came back, Eve.”

Chocolate brown eyes lit up and a soft nod confirmed what needed not to be.

“It grew on me.”

They leaned on the railing next to each other, staring up at the starlit night sky. So close that they shared their heat and still Eve did not realize as she stared up at the sky, that Oksana was only staring at her, drinking in the sight, seeing the stars reflected in her eyes and thinking that Eve was growing on her too.

**Present**

Oksana sat in the captains chair and stared out at the dark night. Below her the ship slept while she was caught deep in her mind. So deep in fact she barely heard someone entering the bridge.

“Can you stop being a dick to her just for funs sake?”

She turned, staring at her first in command who looked tired beyond belief. Signing to another officer to take over, she pulled Anders into the Captain's office, shutting the door behind them.

“I will give you only one warning! You keep out of these things, it”s none of your business.”

“It is Oksana if the two high ranking officers cant work together! There was no reason to treat her like an ass this morning!”

She bristled, then remembered the perverse joy she had searched for in Eve’s pain.

“You stay out of it!”

“You apologize or…”

They stood face to face, both angry, staring at each other.

“Or what? You know nothing. You have no idea what happened!”

Something inside Ander shifted and he stepped back.

“Why do you hate her so much that all you can do is make this harder for her….for all of us?”

She wanted to yell, shake him, tell him that she had been hurt. That Eve deserved to feel the same. But the words did not come. Because she remembered the betrayal in chocolate brown eyes. She remembered the sheer, breathtaking pain staring at her as she stared back and the memory. Was so fresh in her head, as if it had just happened yesterday. 

_**Past **_

_Their eyes met, Oksana’s chest heaving wildly as she stared up at Eve. She tried to disentangle herself from the sheets around her waist, realising as she stood, that she was in her underwear and Eve was storming out of the apartment._

_She threw on the first things she could grab that looked like clothing, running with short breath and a splitting headache after Eve. Under her bare feet, the street felt cold and wet as her feet pounded down in pursuit. She finally caught up to Eve grabbing her wrist and stopping the other woman from running. Oksana was out of breath and felt her heart beat all over the place. When Eve turned though it seemed her heart stopped all together._

_“Happy...birthday Oksana…”_

_“Listen Eve…”_

_“I threw it all away for you...with her? Really. Gods I should have known better.”_

_Her mind was all over the place as she tried to make sense of what was going on._

_“Let...let me explain!”_

_“Oksana, I don't think you even know nor remember what. Just...never contact me again. You probably cost me my job and my marriage...and then this?”_

_No, it couldn't be! She would surely remember if she had! But would she? She remembered the party, She remembered being heartbroken, she remembered getting drunk, then, not so much._

_“You...you said...and I thought you meant there was no chance!...I loved you!”_

_”More than all the other girls in all the other ports? You don’t know what love is!”  
Eve walked away and the words cut deep. Deeper than she had believed it could cut her. She stared, hands clenched into fists at her side. She was never good enough for anyone! She had not been for her father. She had not been for Anna and now she had not been for Eve. She walked away from her, from them and treated her like a little child. Not giving her even the chance to explain! Her heart stung and she forced the tears to stay, dare not fall.  
"No …. I loved you like the sea."  
And it was true. She had never believed, she would ever love anything as much as she loved her home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so so much for reading!
> 
> <3


	9. Chapter 9

It was just after 3 am that Oksana was relieved from her duty by Anders, the hallways of the ship empty as it traveled along. At night they went a bit faster to make some way, at day the ship went slower for passengers to enjoy the cruising. She greeted the few workers still up, cleaning the hallways and preparing it for the next day, nodding at the bartenders closing their bar and staying to talk for a second. She tried to show her face as often as possible, be hands on and so for a few minutes she helped wiping down bar counters before she went on her way.   
Oksana had never been one to shirk work. Work kept her alive, kept her mind occupied, because if it went rampant she might actually take a second to think of what was going on. She might get to think of Eve, what had happened. She might be able to see this as more than a simple attack against her pride and instead see it as a chance.

Her little Episode with Anders stung. This was one of her closest kind of friends. She did not let people close usually, but Anders was closer than just a coworker you liked. Because they had been traveling since she had been made Captain but then sent to the northern tours. Seeing him so pissed at her made her jolt in a way.

Oksana knew she was out of line with Eve. But inside of her someone yelled Eve deserved it and Oksana's way to deal with pain was lash out. Protect herself, attack first, don't let them see weakness. Eve was her weakness. It stared right at her, lived on the same ship as her and each time they stood facing each other she felt the need to make her feel the same kind of pain she had felt all those years ago. Yes, she forgot that Eve had been in pain too. Because it was easier to deal with the whole fallout like that. She wondered if it really was only hating Eve, that feeling inside, or if it was hating herself for hating Eve.

In her bed, Oksana tossed and turned until she fell into a fitful sleep, dreams muddled with memories. Memories muddled with what ifs and dreams and by the time she decided to get up, Oksana felt not trying to sleep would have probably made her feel more rested. She chose to go to the Crew gym before breakfast, punching the punching bag in hopes to punch these feelings out with it. She worked up a sweat and kept training until her knuckles felt pained even through her gloves before she forced herself to stop. She sat for minutes on a bench in the changing room, staring at the ceiling and debating with herself before she hit the showers.

“Hey Captain.”

The Blondes hands were pressed against the tile next to her head, head bend to let the water hit her shoulders and back. Her skin felt like boiling from the hot water, and all Oksana had concentrated on was her muscles uncoiling slowly, so she had not realized someone else was in the showers. She turned to look over her shoulder, finding a brunette, she vaguely placed with the perfume shop team, showering. Petite form, as tall as her and definitely winking at her. Anders was right, maybe she simply needed to get laid. She stared back to the ground, watching the suds of her hair wash run into the drain.

It would be so so easy and she schooled her face into a come hither smirk as she switched off the water and slung a towel around herself, turning to walk towards the sinks opposite, already thinking of how to ask the brunette for a more private workout, when she found Eve at the sinks, tying her hair back and in jogging outfit, probably ready to hit the treadmill.

Their eyes met in the mirror and the words died in her throat. Eve looked tired, weary and knowing she had caused that once more made her go cold suddenly. 

“We have some nice massage oils Captain, I am sure we can loosen those shoulders…”

Her eyes did not leave Eve who was by then averting her eyes, checking something on the phone and putting her earbuds in while shower brunette was about to touch her shoulders.  
Oksana turned her body away and shook her head. 

“No. Thanks.”

These sad fucking eyes. 

She left the changing room as soon as she was in her clothing, vowing to blow dry her hair in her cabin, not wanting another run in with Eve.

**Past**

“So how is your nosy roomie?”

Oksana asked as they walked across the Nassau Pier towards the beach they would hit to relax some hours until Oksana was asked back onto the ship.

“Elena? She’s nice. I am just not used to a roomie. She has a lot more stuff than I, it being her first tour. Also...napping isn't working when she is off too. But it’s fun to hang with her.”

It was refreshing in a way after being home for three months only with Niko and his friends and colleagues.

“It's better than home right now. I swear if I have to go to another Dinner invitation I’ll break down crying.”

“Well you won’t in the next 6 months.”

Their shoulders bumped softly and Eve nodded deep in thought.

“Stop thinking off it now, Eve. Enjoy the weather.”

They found a nice spot at the beach, laid down their towels and set up their spaces, Eve getting out sunscreen and her book when she turned to Oksana she found the taller woman had already taken off her harem pants and silk shirt, revealing a well fitting bikini and flawless skin. She had not wanted to stare and theoretically she had known Oksana was good looking but seeing her in a bikini was …

“Eve? Can you put sunscreen on my back?”

Eve grabbed the bottle held to her and kneeled behind Oksana as the other woman plopped down on her towel. She felt like an idiot. This was Oksana, her friend! 

“What did you do in your time home?”

A shrug and then Eve was finally done with the sunscreen, handing the bottle back to Villanelle and shrugging out of her own light linen clothing. She wore a simple black swimsuit with nothing special about it, but Villanelle still watched her closely before offering to return the sunscreen favor.

“This and that. I was in Paris and Madrid, and spent a weekend in Prague... I had some classes too. Basics with the cruise line. Just...things.”

It felt like she had done nothing. She had been with some women, but mostly she had waited to finally be working again.

“I rented a Yacht and did a 4 week Mediteranean tour.”

“Oh, that sounds lovely!”

And Oksana was about to offer to take her as she realized Eve’s husband probably had something to say about that. But she wanted to offer. As a friend of course. Purely.

_Liar!_

Her brain scolded her.

How an oaf like Polastri ever got Eve to accept anything more than a first date, was beyond Oksana. Her hands warmed up the sunscreen between them before she rubbed it on Eve’s shoulders and the bit of exposed skin of her back. Eve was a woman that would look good in anything but she decided to always look like a little grey mouse. A sigh made Oksana smirk, paying more attention to taut shoulders and feeling happy at the sounds she drew from the smaller woman.

“You are pretty tight in the shoulders Eve.”

“I had to help out cleaning with the new guys yesterday and I admit I haven't done that in a while. We have a bunch of newbies.”

Eve was hands on like her and she admired that most.

“Well you have some time to relax now.”

Brown eyes met hers and a soft smile lit up Eve’s face. 

“Yes thankfully.”

The sun and sea did wonders for Oksana too. She tanned a bit before daring Eve to race her into the water. She won, because she had longer legs. Once inside the water they swam and enjoyed the water for a while before having to head back. Usually Oksana would have maybe stayed on board, found a girl to vent some of her energy on but having spent more time with Eve felt even better, knowing she was going down a very slippery slope. She desired Eve but not like others. She desired her like Anna and that was bad news.

By the time they returned to the ship they had both tanned a bit, feeling relaxed and smiling. Oksana was in such a good mood that they had their picture taken in front of the ship by one of the photographers before getting back inside and parting ways.

“Well girl, you look relaxed!”

Elena commented as Eve stepped into their cabin.

“Been a good day. I think I needed that after all the cleaning last night. How was the course this morning?”

“Filled with the usual suspects but also some actual fit people in there. Well I am taking my time off now any tip of what to do here?”

Eve told her to head towards the large Hotel and see the Aquarium and then went to lunch herself.   
She had an amazing day and being out in the sun really had relaxed her. Oksana’s company helped immensely with that, the playfulness of the other woman, letting her forget the past days stress easily.

The next few days after, they barely saw each other as their work times clashed but once they made it to the tear shaped Isle of La Palma, Eve actually found herself waiting for Oksana who had promised her a tour to the volcano crater. She could barely wait to get off ship blessing whichever god that listened for that break, until she saw Oksana walk up to her in her leathers.

“No.”

“Yes, Eve.”

She shook her head vehemently, refusing to take the held out second helmet and leather jacket.

“Eve…”

“Why can we not take a cab?”

“Because cabs here are sometimes more dangerous. You know that! You yourself warn people of the cabbies' tricks at the front desk.”

It was true but Eve really did not want to take that machine of Oksana’s.

“Look, I’ll drive really carefully ok? I would never endanger you.”

Hazel eyes looked soft as she said it and Eve did believe it so with a groan she grabbed helmet and jacket and watched the blond grin giddily. 

“You'll love the view up there Eve!”

**Present**

Oksana sat at the foot of her bed, staring down at the picture in her hands. She had it locked in the little chest she now took with her, after Irina had gotten into it one day and looked at the things in there, asking Oksana about the pretty woman in the picture with her. It had been just after she had returned from her first punishment tour to the east and her mood was tanking. She had yelled at Irina until the girl had started crying, Konstantin berating her hours later that it was not Irina's fault that she had Eve had fallen out. 

They were suntanned and grinning on her picture. She remembered that day in Nassau and the innocence of it. Oksana remembered all of their moments together. It was what hurt so much. Seeing Eve every damn day, thinking of what could have been. Anders fury the night before still fresh on her mind. He had explained Eve had not said anything on what happened, that he had put two and two together. 

Putting the picture back where it belonged, the blonde froze when she saw the envelope underneath, slightly shaking hands opening it and checking the contents inside. 

A trip to the Maldives and a luxury private Yacht booked for two. She had planned to take Eve. but then Niko had showed up and she had overreacted, punching the stupid guy square in the face until Eve’s screaming stopped her and Konstantin was yelling at her and her stupidity. 

_  
“He hurt you Eve! Listen...I overreacted. I get that. I am sorry but I saw you flinch and I just….saw red.”_

_The other woman paced inside the cabin, Oksana sitting on the bed and trying to explain what she thought was so easy to understand._

_“You beat him senseless Oksana! He just wanted to talk to me!”_

_“He hurt you Eve! He was already pissed when he saw you.”_

_Exasperated eyes met hers._

_“Of course he was pissed Oksana! He knows we are not working any longer. Maybe he even knows...God damnit...I cheated on my Husband, Oksana. All I asked you today was to ignore him and let me handle it.”_

_She flinched actually at the words cheating. It sounded like it was something bad, when all the blonde thought that it was fucking magnifiscent and they would be amazing together._

_“I’ll make it up to you ok? I have a little surprise for...for when we finish the tour in a few days…”_

_“I am leaving the ship today….”_

_She swore her world stopped._

_“I...what?”_

_“Niko is in the hospital with a concussion and he will need someone with him when he is released. I owe him as much after all that I did to him. No matter where we stood in our marriage and need to at least...do this for him.”_

_“You….you’re leaving me for him?”_

_“This isn't about you, Oksana! This is about me and my marriage! I need you to just...leave us be for now. So I can see this shit show through.”_

_She knew exactly what was happening. This happened to her before. When her affair with her teacher Anna had been revealed, Anna had left her like this. Saying she needed to fix things and then deciding to leave her and return to her husband._

_Her heart broke and anger exploded in her. Again she was being left behind. Again someone was more worth than she was._

_“I need you to stay away until I….I figure this out.”_

_Oksana had not cried then. She had taken apart her room in anger after watching Eve leave. But she had not cried._

_She had finished the last week of her tour, thinking of Eve being with Niko, thinking about being left behind once more and gone on a bender and somewhere on these drunken days she had met Nadia again. The girl was still as annoying as ever but Oksana felt so alone again, her anger at Eve being with Niko, pushing her away for the guy instead of going to the Maldives with her just made her not care really. All she wanted was to forget Eve’s rejection. No one would spend her birthday with her and if she was unlucky she would not have a job after her little transgression, Eve though Konstantin had promised he would take care of it._

He had, Oksana thought. She knew her foster father had done the best he could have but she had gotten punished for beating someone at the pier and actually having guests see it.

Oksana put the envelope back to the picture, finding her eyes glued to smiling faces one more. She had almost lost so much and she still wondered if things would have been different had she not met Nadia again. The worst thing was that after her blow out with Eve outside of her apartment, Nadia had told her, weeks later and laughing, that they had never slept with each other as Oksana had been too fucking drunk to make it to her apartment even. 

What she hated most wasn't Eve. She hated that when she looked at the other woman her heart still beat faster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for readon and commenting guys! Hope you like the new chapter!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Konstantin is always up to something

“Hello my dear! I have not yet heard of a murder on high seas so I presume Oksana is still alive.”

His voice was calm and soft, ever so soothing.

“We are...trying to avoid each other as best as possible right now.”

A heavy sigh later she heard a drink being poured. Konstantin probably sitting at home in his study after a long day. 

“She is bullheaded.”

“Konstantin...we both are, okay?”

She did not want to shirk responsibility in the guilt department. They were both guilty, she had always said that. Eve had never once simply said Oksana was at fault. She knew she had fucked up too, had hurt the younger woman. She just wished they could at some point just ignore each other. 

“If you are both guilty why have you still not made up?”

“We...talked about this.”

**Past**

She was nervous, standing on the stairs to Konstantins house, a beautiful large home with sprawling gardens, eyes still puffy and clutching a letter in her hands. So nervous, Eve was rolling back and forth on her feet, feeling sick to her stomach, staring at the flowerbeds someone lovingly cared for. When the door opened to a confused captain, she had the words stuck in her throat. The older gent looked her over for a second, realizing the state she was in and pulling her inside quickly. 

“Oh, Eve!”

There it was, she felt her eyes flood again because of the gentle exasperation. At least Konstantin, she was sure, would not take sides and that soothed her because she looked up a ton to this man. 

“No...please….come I will make you tea yes?”

For the next few minutes her captain, well ex captain now, was busy making her a mug of tea, as she sat at the Island counter in his kitchen, wringing her hands nervously and trying not to cry. Once the cup was between her hands, almost burning the skin there, Eve swallowed thickly and pushed the envelope to him.

“What is this, Eve?”

“I...I wrote a statement. About what happened when...with Niko. I know Oksana is in trouble with the cruise line but I got Niko to not file charges and...I feel I am not without fault in her reaction, neither is Niko. He did grab and pull me and from….from my previous tellings, Oksana just tried to protect me. It’s...what I wrote down.”

She tried to explain it in a way which would make sense, and felt she had done poorly.

“I made a real mess of things and I just...please don't put me on a tour with her again. That's all I ask. Or… the second letter is my resignation.”

Konstantin took the envelope absolutely baffled by what he was being told right now.

“Eve, what happened between the two of you? You were thick as thieves the last two tours and now you don't want to see her again?”

Something inside of her broke into even more pieces than it already was.

“I am sorry. I...Oksana and I, we...got too close.”

Understanding dawned and now he understood she had not wanted to say it straight away, because Eve knew what Oksana meant to him. His foster daughter had gotten her own apartment in London just before his last tour, saying she needed to have a home of some sort. A home maybe to make sure someone else could be with her? He had known that girl since she was in her late teens and she had never found a home at land, her home was the sea. For her to feel the need to settle had puzzled him but he had chalked it up to her not wanting to keep living in a pool house but have something herself without prying eyes. Also his home was farther out of the city and she hated getting cabs so he had thought she wanted to be more in the bustling city. 

“You know she lives in London now. Don't you think you should go see her maybe? Clear the air and try to fix this? You both seemed rather happy, even if the circumstances were rather poor.”

He did certainly not approve of the drama these two caused. But Oksana had been more happy of sorts and he had liked seeing her like this. Now he understood why and how it confused Konstantin! If someone had told him she would ever think of settling with one person, he would have laughed. He didn't feel like laughing now, though. Meeting that one person that can change you like this also means they held a lot of power over the pain it could cause. Just what seemed to be the case here. 

“I was and ….Oksana has moved on. I need to do the same Konstantin. And it pains me because you have come to mean so much to me on the tours. I wish….but I can't see her again.”

The realisation that Oksana had found someone else straight away hurt. Eve knew though she was at fault too, for leaving the other woman behind to care for Niko. Basically abandoning her like the people in her past had. 

“I know she will never understand why I went with Niko, but I had to safe...what could be saved. Please don't tell her about my statement?”

Konstantin frowned deeply and clucked his tongue, playing with the envelope in his hand. The statement and the charges being dropped could make sure Oksana kept her job and rank but doing this meant that the two would have to be kept seperate. He was sure if they just got over their thick heads, they would work it out. But Oksana and her life were more important to him right now. He knew at some point he might be able to push them back together, get a chance to fix this. But now was not it.

“Thank you, Eve. You have no idea what this means to me. I don't agree with what you want. But I accept it. Just, please, think of it again. I haven't seen her as carefree as you made her since I have taken her in.”

He had liked happy and smiling Oksana. He had always believed the girl deserved a better hand than she had been dealt. 

Eve stood and nodded and then let herself be engulfed in a hug, letting some tears fall, unable to will them away.

“I am...really grateful I got to serve and learn under your command Konstantin.”

**present**

"Three years Eve. Why can't you say to her the things you said to me and end this feud once and for all? What is there to lose?" 

She swallowed thickly, slumping into her office chair and checking the door was closed. 

"Too much. Our hearts Konstantin. Our careers. I could never live knowing…I took the sea from her. Thus our little deal. You promised me I would never have to travel with her again. I told you I would resign. But here we are and you haven't upheld your end of putting in the resignation I have given you for that case."

"You are both such boorish women! Both always saying to know what the other wants and making decisions for all. Not one of you has ever understood truly what the other wanted and needed. Oksana is like a boat bobbing on the waves! Always moving because she has never had a home with someone. Maybe you should stop saying she needs the sea the most. Because had she only needed the sea she would not have tried to make a home thinking of you."

It left her feeling sick, hearing his annoyance, hearing him say things she wanted buried. Eve stayed silent, not able to say anything in return.  
Konstantin sighed deeply. 

"Eve…listen, I am sorry I know you don't need this right now. I know you are stressed. I called because apparently the cruise line has sent you a change in itinerary. It's a dinner event for Oksana's birthday and honoring her 15 years with the cruise line. I thought I needed to warn you. "

It was Eve's turn to roll her eyes. 

"Everyone knows she hates birthday parties! Who thought this was a good idea?" 

Was Oksana really already 35? God of course, she was 41 already. Eve tended to forget her age. 

"Carolyn felt since…"

"Carolyn knows shit about the people working for her. Oksana might kill the waiter trying to… Wait … a 5 tier cake? A picture show before the evening music show with pictures of her career? Oh God Konstantin…" 

"I heard she has antagonized Carolyn's son once too often and apparently he got all kinds of pictures from the large picture pool the cruise line keeps. Kenny has done well actually…" 

The sound in his voice betrayed. His true feelings. 

"You think this is hilarious!" 

"Of course I do Eve, I don't have to keep her in line." 

No that fell solely on her shoulders. 

"Carolyn expects Oksana to be all smiles." 

Well fuck them. Eve thought of actually going overboard. 

A headache started making itself known in her temples and she wondered if she would be fired for getting drunk before noon. 

She had no idea how she was supposed to make sure Oksana did not smother a waiter in a 5 tier cake but she understood that if Oksana caused a scene, it would be completely her fault. 

"That resignation letter of mine.." 

The click of the phone made her flinch, her eyes wandering over the schedule for a special birthday dinner and show. It was still weeks away but she had provision lists to send to the kitchens, menu plans had arrived, cake was up to the patisserie.  
Even the day plans would have to be rewritten so the guests would be informed of the evening in advance as the dress code had changed to black tie. Carolyn had even ordered decorations and which would be loaded at their next stop. 

"Well I am screwed." 

**past**

"What…is that?" 

The face Oksana pulled was actually hilarious. 

"Happy birth…" 

"No!" 

Eve laughed and grabbed the blondes wrist as she tried to walk away from her. It was the night shift and just past 12 am, Oksana's birthday as their ship made its way towards Greece. 

Their fingers touched and Eve felt, things she needed to forget quickly as she pulled the taller woman close again. On the table was a fruit tart and assortment of Cannoli from Oksana's favorite bakery in Rome the sweet smell filling the meeting room. 

"I don't care for…" 

"I know. But I care for you and it is your birthday. It's just something small."

Oksana's shoulders dropped and she sighed, her eyes softening. Eve had pulled her into the captains meeting room, getting the first mate to. Take over looking at the ship keeping its automatically set route.

"and this…" 

"I don't want anything…"

Eve handed her the little parcel anyways. Before stepping onto her tip toes and pressing a soft kiss into Oksana's cheek, blushing fiercely as hazel eyes turned to look at her, so so close that she could see the golden specs in Oksana's Iris. 

Lips pressed against Eve's suddenly, making the older woman blush but not pull away. The contact was over soon and Eve was left stammering, until a hand landed softly on her neck, pulling her in and against a warm body. 

"Sorry… I had to. I am sorry Eve. I won't do it again I just needed to see…Thank you for the present and the sweets." 

Her emotions were left in a mess as held on to the taller woman the moment having just crashed over them like a tidal wave, the blonde apologetic knowing she had crossed a line and Eve searching for an ounce that truly cared inside of her. She found guilt but so much more giddy excitement. 

"I… should not… Oksana…" 

"I am sorry but…" 

There should not be a but. Alas there was for both of them. They were sorry but then not because something between them had grown and Eve had ignored it for a while until now. And here it was, out in the open, desperately grabbing hold of them both. 

Their lips hovered so close again, breaths mingling and both slightly ragged as Eve wanted to cry at the feeling inside of herself, the nervous flutter In her belly. Something she had not felt since she was a young woman. 

Oksana leaned in and her eyes closed of their own accord, waiting patiently, telling herself it was just a dream and if she told herself often enough it would be true. No one had to know. Closer and closer until there was only a breath left between them, Oksana's long hands framing her face, holding Eve so tenderly while her own hands grabbed at her sides, holding on so she would not fall. 

"Staff Captain on bridge please."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it! Thanks for the comments and kudos and thanks to everyone reading!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bit shorter than the rest

_  
"Please don't avoid me, Eve. I couldn't bare if I had done that. I am sorry for kissing you! I know I shouldn't have."_

_The sheer desperation in Oksana's voice left Eve feeling raw, as she was held tightly against the lanky blond. Hands carded through her hair and below them on the floor laid two venecian masks. Eves chest was heaving, as her breath was stolen away by being so close to Oksana, a reaction she never had any control over, her body simply craved the contact and after days of trying to avoid the Russian, she was now caught in the emotions._

_"Oksana."_

_It sounded like a frantic plea, a prayer to herself, to whatever else guided them in this play.  
From the ships promenade music and voices carried to the staircase she had tried vanishing in. _

_"I am so sorry I did this Eve. I can't lose our friendship…"_

_It was whispered into her hair and Eve was unable to say anything as she soaked the contact of their bodies in like she was starving. She held on, not noting how she grabbed just as frenzied as she was being held._

_Their dancing on the promenade had left her with her guards down and now she sunk deeper and deeper into the embrace._

_It had not been planned that Oksana and Eve danced for the guests on the Halloween promenade. But her dance partner had all of a sudden been moved to another spot and Oksana had jumped in straight away. All night they had to dance and mimed.  
Eve in a venetian Carneval dress and Mask and Oksana in her plague Dr. Outfit. A couple, silently twirling along for guests to watch and photograph. But their closeness had slowly eaten at Eve, until she felt hot all over and needed a break, Oksana hot on her heels as she vanished into a crew hallway and then ladies bathroom. _

__

Eve startled from the memory, feeling a blush race up her neck to her face, eyes shooting to the door where she found none other than the person from the memory staring at her.

"Cap… tain. How can I help?" 

Eyebrows rose and the blonde looked down at her watch. 

"Since you like reminding me of overtime… It's way past 10, Park." 

She had sat over various plans for the coming weeks and then taken on complaints and positives where she had completely forgotten time. 

"I am reviewing and planning our yearly even.."

"I am sure that half asleep at your desk is not helpful." 

Oksana interjected and if she looked closely she might even see a bit of concern in her captains eyes, hand back in her pants pocket and leaned against the door jamb casually. 

"Was there a reason you made your way here?" 

There was no accusation in her voice as Eve tried her best not to tilt the innocent situation into another argument. 

"I…wanted to thank you for… the good planning of the nautic festival. I know you and your team worked over time." 

It had been a success and drinks sales had exploded as their guests were baptised by the God of sea, dancing to the band they had taken onboard. 

"Thank you Captain, we are happy the guests liked it."

She swore Oksana and Anders had liked it even more, Oksana dressed as neptune and Anders as a very male mermaid with coconut boobs. 

And here they existed in their bubble of uncomfortable silences as both minds raced for any reason to extend their little moment. 

Her eyes landed on the itinerary she had shoved under the other lists so the captain would not see, the birthday was 3 months out last week's of their tour and it would be a huge thing really. 

"Go to bed at a reasonable time.."

The captain turned to leave and Eve's mouth opened as she thought to say something but nothing came and she sighed letting the chance pass. 

"Goodnight." 

Eve muttered more to herself and then felt relieved because, hey they had held an almost conversation without any attacks.  
Back in her cabin she showered to loosen her muscles, tight from sitting at her desk mostly while completing necessary paperwork. Being the general manager was a lot less hands on and more about commandeering her teams and showing her face smiling and waving as well as the day morning, noon and evening intercom speeches outlining weather! Route, speed and what would be on the plans the coming hours. 

It didn't help that she had sat daydreaming in the office. Since her call with Konstantin her memories ran rampant which left her feeling emotionally tired.

Eve remembered how she had reacted after hers and Oksana's kiss. How she had tried to not run into the blonde because everything was suddenly all over the place and her emotions were running wild. It was at their stop on Santorini that she had stood face to face with Oksana, at the pier, at a loss for words because they had planned to see the isle together. She had muttered a weak sorry and went back inside feeling the burn of sad hazel eyes on her back. 

Two nights later it was Halloween and the ship was cruising towards warmer Mediterranean waters, when she found herself in a close dance with Oksana, the other woman hidden under the plague outfit. 

She was left raw that evening, having tried too long to stay away from Oksana's gravitation like pull. Her mind had been yelling at her, that she was married that she was supposed to miss Niko, but all she had thought off since Oksana’s Birthday, had been the other woman's lips and kissing her, how they had almost kissed again but then the first mate had called her back to bridge.

They had parted like they had been shocked and Eve had gone to her cabin beet red. She still remembered how she felt. The guilt, not at the kiss itself, but how much she had enjoyed that little touch.

Planning the Birthday and Halloween Event for later this year had brought these things back up and she felt just as raw and confused as back then.  
She knew Oksana telling her to make sure to go to bed was a peace offering of sorts. Since anders realized just what had been between them it seemed Oksana tried to be on better behavior and they both tried to better keep out of arguments. 

She shuffled under her covers and sighed. Eve was tired but closing her eyes meant thinking of a certain blond. They had fought their feelings but at the end given in and it had meant so much. But then it had ended and Eve did believe it was punishment for cheating. 

**past**

"Hey…"

It was tentative and Eve turned to find Oksana standing at her table with her own tray, it was lunch time and the crew mess was packed, Eve sitting in a booth and automatically scooting over for the other woman. 

Halloween had been a full success and the guests were in a good mood, but now the crew already prepared for their last transatlantic travel from Europe to the Bahamas where the ship would tour during winter. 

Christmas she would have to stay on board as she had been one of the few sent home for the holidays the last time and she was actually relieved. Eve was about to say something when Elena walked by, greeting her and once the woman was gone, Eve sighed knowing it meant she had off too and there was no way she could nap, while Elena called her friends. 

"You OK?" 

"Ye...yes it's just…. Elena has off too and I had early so… I had hoped for a nap."

Oksana nodded, having listened to eves grousing about no nap times with El in break too. 

"I… Listen I know you probably think it's a stupid idea… due to… but you can nap in my cabin…" 

Had Eve's head turned any faster she would have had whiplash. God's she wanted to yell yes because she was so tired but they were talking about Oksana's bed and she knew this was a really bad idea. 

She wanted to cry she felt so grumpy and the way Oksana looked away sadly made it even worse.  
A deep sigh and the taller woman stood. 

"I… Sorry again Eve…I really fucked things up."

Before Eve could say anything she watched Oksana walk away, the usual swagger missing from her gait and she ached too. All she could think off recently was the staff captain and it was wrong. She wasn't supposed to think of someone else. She was married after all. 

Minutes later Eve stared up at Oksana's confused face after the other woman had pulled her door open with annoyed force.  
The stormy face softened and she stepped aside so Eve could enter the cabin. It was dark inside, a reading lamp over the queen sized bed on, a book on the bed. Oksana, just like her, was changed in sweater pants and shirt for the nap. 

"I won't…" 

"Oksana… My problem is not you touching me. It's my reaction to it. Can we not talk about…What is between us and simply try to go on as before? As friends? I really miss you." 

Arms wrapped around her and she found friendly comforting hugs didn't help but she really needed them. 

" OK. "

The agreement was made and she was sure she would burn in all circles of hell but she couldn't care less as she sunk into bed, the reading light being switched off and then laying next to Oksana, both shuffling around until they felt comfy, a good proper space between them. 

Because that was a good excuse. They had fallen asleep like friends. Even though they woke 2 hours later, wrapped up like lovers, secure in each other's arms. 

And it was easier to deal with their transgression because they had just agreed not to talk about it. Bathing this in silence felt okay. It was better than over thinking and it would surely work better. They were just real close friends. Super close. So close Her face was pressed against a soft neck while Oksana's long limbs encased her. 

Super close friends. 

**present**

"We could… Like make out more….maybe that helps? Or I could go down on you? " 

Oksana blinked and stared unable to comprehend her sudden libido dive, as she stood holding her white shirt, only in pants and bra now and staring down at the already naked girl from the gym. 

_Shit what was her name again? Libby? No, maybe Tasha?_

"I...should go."

She left the cabin like the devil was on her heels, cursing in frustration. She needed to fucking come but was aparently unable to even get in the mood with anyone.

Stomping back to her cabin she slammed doors and made it too the shower hoping to all the gods above the girl would keep her mouth shut or soon everyone on board would know that she was unable to literally get it up in a sense. 

Oksana's cursing continued until she found herself in her bed, frustration running through her veins as she touched herself and nothing worked. It was as if her body stalled. Closing her eyes against the tears of irritation, she took a deep breath and let her pride tank as she finally got a reaction from herself.  
But only because she thought of the one thing she shouldn't think of, her mind rebelling as her body reacted and she felt herself finally get where she needed. 

After she came back down, the captain laid in bed staring at the ceiling, tears of shame and anger rolling down the side of her face. Eve being on the same ship was more punishing than any eastern tour ever could be. She would rather moor in st. Petersburg for weeks than be emotionally castrated like this.

The deep sense of shame because she had only been able to come to thoughts of her and Eve together, was something she had no idea how to overcome. 

She hated herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, the comments and the kudos.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things can't always saty hidden.

**Past**

“Happy Biiiiiiirthdayyyyy dear Eeeeeheeeeeveeeee! Happyyyyyy Biiiirthdayyyyyy toooo youuuuuu!”

She sat in the mess, red faced as Konstantin stood there infront of the table she had chosen that morning, holding a cake with candles on top, the people in the mess grinning after their off key rendition and Oksana grinning cocky next to her.

“We could not fit all candles the fire alarms might go off.”

The captain said making her blush and shake her head as people laughed. Standing, she blew out the candles all in once, to the cheering before the cake was set down and pieces cut.

“Stop grinning!”

Eve whispered to Oksana, who was slouched comfortably in the booth, watching it all with arms crossed over her chest. People came by and gratulated her and Eve spend most of her breakfast cutting pieces of the birthday cake and handing it to well wishers while Oksana sipped her large mug of coffee, happy that her birthday was not such a spectacle since only Konstantin and a few others, amongst them Eve, knew about the date.

“I have the bridge today, I’ll see you tonight after?”

Eve nodded and watched the woman leave the spot next to her soon filled by Konsatntin who handed her a little beautifully wrapped parcel.

“You shouldn’t have!”

“It’s just something small! My family will come on board for Christmas and we hope you will join us even if we are celebrating on ship this year.”

It was a sweet gesture the ship not taking a christmas break this year and rather taking guests on a christmas Bahamas tour.

“Thank you Konstantin I would love to!”

It would be nice not to be alone while Oksana's family was on board. The rest of her day was uneventful, they had been in Barcelona, taken on new cruise guests to take on the cities of europe tour which would take them up to the Baltic sea before they went back down to Barcelona and then Take on the transatlantic passage.

“Hey Stranger! Hope your day was good.”  
Elena said as she made her way into her Cabin to change for the evening.

“Perfect thank you.”

“So you spending your Evening with a certain hot blonde?”

Eve frowned and turned to look at her cabin roomie, which admittedly she had seen less since she often took up Oksana on her offers of nap times in her cabin. 

“Elena…”

The other woman raised one eyebrow.

“Listen Eve, it's not my Job nor place to judge. You seem happy. Just...don't forget that there is a real world out there...and this real world...there is a husband. Maybe you should think of…”

“I am not….doing anything with her. We are just friends!”

“Honey...you are at least having an emotional affair and as I said I don't judge. But this tour ends at some point and maybe you should take your time and think of what you want?”

Eve slumped at their desk, feeling the real world suddenly catch up to her.

“Niko and I barely talk any longer. I...I feel so trapped in a marriage in which I don't even want to be home in.”

“Honey...lanky blonde staff captain or not, You should really think of just ending you guys misery.”

Eve knew Elena was right. When she thought of her future, her mustached husband was not in it. Nodding softly, Eve rubbed her tired face.

“I know you are right. It's just not an easy step to take.”

Arms slung around her from behind, Els chin on her shoulder as they looked into the mirror.

“I know. But you are a strong woman, Eve. You can do this”

All through dinner she mulled over these thoughts and Eve knew it was time as Elena had said. She and Niko both suffered and seemed happier when the other was not around. Their marriage was a sham and she had just signed its death certificate by taking on cruises. Niko deserved better than she could ever possibly give him.

“Hey Birthday girl. So deep in thought?”

She turned and smiled at Oksana, just done with her shift by now and still in her full uniform.

“Hey! Kind of a long day.”

There the woman that had changed it all stood, looking at her with her trademark soft smirk. People who barely knew her thought she was haughty. Eve had felt the same in the beginning. But Oksana was always much much more. As Konstantin had told her on her first tour, there was a soft core inside that girl. She hid it behind her wall of Bravado and Ego but once she let you in there was something much deeper there. Someone who cared for the people she let close. Which were not many. 

Still Eve forbade herself to think of her impending divorce of for this woman. Oksana was a womanizer. Eve knew the stories were real, she had seen it first tour and on the second she had seen the girls in the ports, hopeful to catch Oksana alone. When oksana was with her she had never cared much for them, but Eve did wonder if the girl had visited her little affairs when they were not on tour together. 

There was that little jealous thing in her, at which Eve rolled her eyes because she had no rights to Oksana. They were...something. A beast caught in Limbo. Not many moments where spend apart and nap times where now a synonym for times spend entangled. No kisses shared, just their bodies glued together, unable to stay apart for a fraction of time. It was a dangerous dance they were entangled in. It had made Eve realize her sexuality would never again be week before plans for a few minutes of missionary until there was a snoring mustached male next to her. She craved softer curves and kisses that men would never understand.

“Lets go inside, you are already shivering.”

The days in Europe had grown shorter and colder, reminding them that winter was part of this Hemisphere.

At eleven pm there were only people up that were going to the party locations on ship. Also the show was over so some people still milled around the bars, enjoying some last drinks. As usual they were asked for pictures, some people asked questions about cruising in general and it was almost 12 at night when they finally made it to the crew quarters, Oksana asking her to follow her to her cabin since she had a little something for Eve.

Once inside with the door closed, it felt like they were stuck in their own little world. Just them.

“Here…”

For the first time since they traveled together Oksana looked unsure as she handed over the little parcel. Eve looked down at it in her hands and then slowly unwrapped it, finding a jewelry box and feeling her heart beat so madly in her chest.

“It’s just something small…”

“You shouldn't have!”

Eve exclaimed as she slowly opened the lid of the box. It was a silver necklace with an anchor pendant and Eve smiled softly at the filigree beauty of it.

“Oh my! Oksana….”

“Here, let me….”

Oksana stood behind her, pressed up close to her back, putting the necklace around her and all Eve could think of, as her fingers softly played with the pendant, was the woman behind and the feeling of her warmth through their clothing.  
Eve turned and gazed up and they were so close that there was no breath between them.

“Thank you…”

Knuckles softly caressed her cheek as hazel eyes drank in hers Eve realizing they were so close! They stood and gazed, their breathing heavy and their pulse’s speeding up.  
Without Eve noticing she did it, her hand mirrored the blondes and the room seemed to close them off to any sort of reality. They had been at a fragile peace all these weeks since they kissed, balancing the tightrope of relationship between them. They staggered tonight.

“Oh Oksana…”

What was this woman doing to her?

“Eve…”

“Tell me I am not just some conquest…”

She had to hear it, she had to know.

“Would you believe me?”

“I want to.”

Came the husked reply from Eve before she closed the space between them and sighed as her lips finally met Oksana’s again and it felt like the first time they had kissed. Exhilarating but also painful knowing that kissing Oksana was not fair to them. While the Blonde had no ties to anyone, Eve did and she was hurting a person with her actions.

Salty tears wet their tangled lips and it was the Russian that forced herself away, laying her forehead against Eve’s and holding the smaller woman carefully.

“I…”

“Shh…I get it Eve.”

It was forbidden and as long as she had not figured her life out what they did was wrong and it took from the beauty.

“I am here. If...If you want me to wait I am here.”

She sobbed at the promise and felt long arms sling around her securely. 

**Present**

“Sorry for being late. The delegation from Italy ran us late.”

Oksana said to the three people already at the table at the Seven Park Place in London. Konstantin and Olga smiled softly at her and greeted her, while Irina hugged her tightly.

“I missed you, ugly face!”

The red head said and Oksana pinched her side. 

“Takes one to know one!”

A huff from olga that was a thinly masked laugh and rolling eyes from Konstantin.

“Girls…”

She sat and finally felt her shoulders loosen. It had been a stressful start to the day with the cruise line investors from Italy and the tour she had given them and then racing to the restaurant to meet her family who were celebrating Irina’s birthday.

“Here.”

She handed the present over and winked at the girl, smiling when she saw her unpack and look happy. 

“I heard Eve is onboard.”

They were in the middle of entree’s and Oksana checked the girls eyes, finding no malice in them.

“Don’t, Irina. Eat your lunch.”

It was Konstantin who spoke, while Oksana still stared, food forgotten.

“What? I don't understand what all of your problems are. First you treat her like family and now I can’t even mention her name any longer when Oksana..”

“I said dont, Irina.”

The further prompt to stop talking seemed to egg the red head on, eyes narrowing at her father.

“Papochka, you talk to her still every week but I can not say her name?”

Oksana had known Konstantin and Eve still spoke and she hoped they would just stop mentioning Eve at least at lunch, leaning back in her chair and taking a deep breath. There was no break from the other woman. Everything she did lately ended with thoughts of Eve, now here she sat while Irina and Konstantin argued about the other woman too.

“I am just saying it's absolutely ridiculous how all of you treated this subject! You say i am the child here Papochka? You kept hiding the truth from Oksana about what Eve did!”

Her eyes zeroed in on Konsatntin who blanched staring back at his young daughter who was flustered from anger.

“Irina!”

“No! I found her letters! No one ever thanked her for what she did and we treat her like she…”

“I said enough! Now!”

It shut the girl up, the tone wasn't Konstantins usual annoyed one, it was anger and he was usually never angry with Irina, no matter what she did.  
They sat in silence and Oksana stared at the man she considered father, twirling the fork in her hand as she tried to curb her own anger.

“Explain.”

She forced out and next to her the red head seemed to wither in her chair, while Olga wiped her mouth angrily and stood, excusing herself to the bathroom and telling Konstantin in russian to fix  
It.

It was two hours later that Oksana made it back on board, feeling drained and tired, after listening to Konstantin explain what Eve had done. How it had saved her rank and job. She had always thought Konstantin had pulled strings, it was not him though. It was Eve’s letter, it was Niko dropping charges three years ago and saying it was a misunderstanding. She wondered how much it had taken Eve to convince the man especially since she was divorcing him anyways so what was there to lose for him.

With determination she had found herself making her way to the cruise manager office and just as she arrived she saw Eve speak into the intercom about the things guests could do onboard while in London. After the message ended Eve looked up, almost startling at seeing Oksana stand in her door.

“Captain?”

She swallowed thickly, finding all the things she had wanted to say escape her, so Oksana stared, hands in her pockets in fists. 

Eve seemed to notice something was off and slowly stood.

“Oksana...is everything…”

No, nothing was okay! She had been lied to again and again. Everytime people came close someone started lying to her. She had no clue why. Did people think she was too dumb for the truth? Why had Eve not trusted her? Or had she and then found her with nadia in her London apartment.

Her jaw worked through the anger cursing through her.

The London apartment she had gotten to show Eve she could make a home. She could be somewhere for Eve, stationary. A place Eve could come to, a place she would maybe call her own at some time. Had that been the reason Eve had shown up?  
She was angry at herself for that. Picking up Nadia even though nothing had ever happened, was her own damn fault and in the end, Eve did not believe she had changed at all. She had seen the woman and had immediately thought the worst. No one had ever believed in her and Oksana realized, she had not given Eve reason to trust in her.

“Would you have ever told me about your statement to the cruise line about what happened three years ago? Or how you got your ex to say it was a misunderstanding?”

Eve sat back down slowly, shock lining her face as her mind seemed to race how Oksana had found out.

“Madam...oh Captain sorry! I”ll come back later.”

Eric said behind Oksana and she pushed herself away from the doorjamb.

“It's fine, Eric. Madam Cruise Manager and I were done.”

Her eyes landed on Eve”s one last time and she knew she could not mask her anger.

“Captain…”

She heard Eve call out but she left with determined steps. She had heard enough about the matter that day and right now she was done with Eve, her foster father, the whole situation. Oksana did not want to think of it further even. It just hurt too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading liking and dropping comments! You are the best!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is longer since the last one was a bit short

**Past** 

Sometimes the weather was rather fitting for events in life, Eve thought as she stepped out the London office building to see the rain loud break open and allow the sunshine through. She smiled as she looked up, feeling lighter herself, even though spending three hours with a lawyer talking about divorce should have left her sad. She made the right choice. Coming home after Christmas had been eye opening. Nikos resentment had grown, his parents hated her even more and one neighbor greeted her confused, saying she had thought they had split and Niko had another girlfriend. Eve had asked around a bit and yes, it seemed he had a female friend over frequently. 

Eve had said nothing, smiled and kept up appearances. She traveled to London a week later for some cruise line courses from first aid to crisis management. Niko did not care as she left early and Eve did not divulge she was leaving a few days before, because she would meet with lawyers her old friend Bill had advised her to use. 

She switched her cell phone back on as she started walking towards the hotel where she had a room booked for two days before she would stay at the hotel the courses where held, deciding on her way she should probably also get something to eat. Just as she was perusing the menu outside of a restaurant, her phone rang and she smiled when she saw the number, the picture of her and Oksana in Nassau greeting her. 

"Hey stranger." 

She said and pressed the phone closer so she could hear Oksana properly. Her heart did that little jump of happiness when she heard the soft Tones of the Russian greeting her. 

"No… No over there… yes thank you." 

"Oksana? Where are you?"

It sounded like she was directing people back and forth. 

"Hey, Can you somehow make it to London early? I want to show you something. I know it might not be…" 

There was an insecurity in the usually so bold woman's voice. Eve laughed and stepped away from the restaurant. 

"As your luck would have it, staff captain,I am already in London. Decided to flee early for the courses and relax some." 

She heard more orders being told away from the phone and smiled, Oksana was in her element of ordering around. 

"Sorry, listen I'll text you and address come by? It's okay if you can't." 

It took her 30 minutes to get to the address by cab and Eve found herself looking up a posh apartment building in a very affluent part of London. A furniture company's truck was parked up front and the door open so she went in, texting the blond she was there. Not a second later she heard running steps and found a widely grinning Oksana make her way down the stairs towards her. 

"Hey! Wow you look happy." 

Eve commented and grinned as Oksana lost no time, grabbed her hand and pulled her upstairs. One story below the roof top an apartment door stood open and Eve found herself pulled inside where a bunch of people unloaded boxes and put up furniture. The apartment was open style with apparently a second floor while the first one held open kitchen, living room and what seemed to be a bathroom and office space, large windows flooding the apartment with bright sunshine.

"Welcome to my new apartment!" 

The blondes exuberance was infectious and Eve smiled. 

"You moved out of the pool house?" 

A soft nod and fingers entangled with hers again. 

"It was time. I am preparing to take the captains exams… and most of the courses are in central London. Konstantins place is an hour away…"

For seconds they both watched the people walking back and forth with things, each caught in their own thoughts of the move. Eve and her had had discussions previously, Oksana asking to see her but Eve explaining she shouldn't and also, Oksana was living with her foster parents still. It seemed the Russian had eliminated that problem. 

"Let me take you to lunch Eve. I think I am just in the way now." 

They spend the rest of the day at lunch, then an interior design store. Oksana asked for her opinions on things, before they drove to Eve’s hotel. As the cab stopped in front of it, Oksana grabbed her hand, her eyes pleading. 

"Stay with me. I know… You have reasons not to but, please." 

To both their surprise, Eve nodded and only went inside to get her things. The drive back to Oksana's new place was filled with comfortable silence, both thinking of the meaning of this and where it could go. 

"I'll put your suitcase in the bedroom! Can you check the take out menus on the counter? I haven't been grocery shopping yet." 

Oksana said over her shoulder as she grabbed the carryon Eve had her things in and then went to put that out of the way. The Korean looked through the possibilities and settled on a middle eastern place, Oksana nodding happily about the choice and pressing a kiss to the shorter woman's cheek.

The realization that this felt more domestic and peaceful than any moment with her soon to be ex husband, hurt Eve but it also filled her with such warmth. 

"I filed for divorce." 

She exclaimed as she set up the table for them minutes later, Oksana stopping the pouring of glasses of water and staring at her. 

"I…" 

"please don't say you are sorry or something…I listened to platitudes all day. We both know we aren't sorry at all."

Why bother to fake feelings over this? 

"Niko deserves better than…a cheating wife, that is never home."

"We aren't…" 

Eve simply looked up from placing the cutlery, widening her arms as if saying here we are and this isn't what married women do. 

A short nod and Oksana rubbed her neck, suddenly unsure what to say. 

"I am not sorry Eve. I am sorry that I don't feel an ounce of remorse for having feelings for you and yes, I am not sad about you getting a divorce if it means you might give me a chance."

She was about to say something when the doorbell rang and both silently agreed that they would eat before they discussed this further. 

Dinner together was lovely and Eve would have to call herself a liar had she said she did not feel like this was where she belonged. But she knew that it was more complicated than this. 

Once they cleaned and made it to the couch, both with a glass of wine, they sat facing each other and Eve felt nervous for some reason. 

"I do… want to give this a try, Oksana. You know I have been…. You make me feel things I haven't felt in a while. But I would lie if I said I was not weary. You are such a wild child and you never settled. I fear I can't be what you need after a while and let's Face it...we might not always travel together. So we might spend more time apart then? "

It hurt, knowing that Eve wasn't sure to trust her and she stared at the red liquid in her glass. 

"I feel like an asshole already because of the things I did to Niko. I don't want to hurt you too."

She felt like a bad person for her emotional affair. 

"Yes, I was with many women, Eve. Because I never once have found someone I wanted to be permanent with, so why bother lying? I was always truthful to the women I was with. Yes, I want to be with you, I told you I would wait as long as you need and I haven't been with anyone… because I am not interested in anyone but you. I know my past makes me look…like I just sleep around."

But all she wanted right now was Eve. She had never even thought of finding a permanent place to settle and here she sat, in the apartment she had bought, hoping to make it a permanent place for them. She felt foolish for thinking too far ahead while Eve apparently was still very much on the fence.

Eve's smaller hand grabbed hers, squeezing softly. 

“I am sorry Oksana. I did not wish to make you sound like a sex crazed woman.”

She promised herself she would prove to Eve that her feelings were not just a phase. She believed the older woman thought once Oksana had finally conquered her, she would lose interest, but Oksana wanted to allow herself to let someone into her heart one more time. This time she believed it would be good, Eve would not leave her behind like Anna had. She wasn't just a game to Eve.

**Present**

“Ladies and gentlemen, please don’t forget it is Ballroom night for Dinner. Evening dress code applies”

Eric reminded guests via the Intercom while Eve was still putting finishing touches to her make up and rechecking that the dress sat well. Over and over her head replayed the way Oksana had looked at her and asked her if she would have ever told her the truth. She would not have no. The longer Eve thought of that, the more she wondered why she had decided not to. 

“Because you are a coward.”

Because she had made decisions without asking the other party involved and when she had finally cleared the messes she had produced, she had found Oksana barely dressed in bed and Nadia in the kitchen, not much dressed either. She had never given Oksana a chance to explain, had hated her for doing something Eve herself was guilty off. Then again she had been the one to leave Oksana for weeks not contacting her at all as she tried to get her husband to let go. Eve had done it to keep Oksana’s new rank safe, knowing how much it had meant to her.  
So how could she fault the younger woman?

A shaky breath and Eve closed her eyes at the painful squeeze the memory still caused. 

“All these years…”

And she was still not over it after all. Konstantin and Anders were right, she had never moved on. She had never even allowed herself close to someone else again. A one night stand here and there but never anything substantial. Eve guarded her heart better now.

She pulled her little jewelry case closer to herself, looking inside for something to wear with the modest neckline of the company given Evening dress, her fingers touching a pedant at the bottom.

A few cabins down Anders knocked on the Captains cabin and whistled when Oksana opened the door in her cruise line dress Uniform.

“My My Oksana, You look so fucking uncomfortable in the monkey suit you might easily find a pretty gal to get you out of it.”

She rolled her eyes and commented under her breath, making Anders frown.

“Right I forgot the cockblocking Ex.”

“I swear to god...if you don't shut up…”

Anders' hands raised but his smile said a lot. He wasn't even close to done.

“Did you know you will lead the procession of officers into the ballroom, Madam Cruise Manager at your arm? Funny enough would you both be male, the procession would look different and someone somewhere decided to give their teenage fantasy of two strong willed females a go and decided to use the mixed gender protocol.”

She was absolutely fuming by the time they reached the staircase. She would strangle her staff Captain at the dinner. Maybe drown him in the Oxtail soup. Such were her thoughts as they made their way up to the entry of the dining hall.  
Once there they could hear the calls of the photographers and Oksana hated what came next but she put on her indulgent smile for the pictures. First with Anders, then her main officers, then with guests, endless minutes of smiling until her cheeks hurt and she questioned her career choices.

“Holy shit…”

Anders exclaimed and immediately apologized to the gent next to him, staring at the main staircase winding down from one deck above with casino and clubs, to the promenade. Oksana”s eyes followed and she wondered if her eyes had bulged.

Eve descended the stairs with the Female shop head manager, talking between themselves and smiling, both in evening dresses. Eve’s deep emerald green dress accentuated the color of her skin perfectly. It was a modest cut with sequined highlights. 

“Sometimes I wish I wasn’t gay.”

The sentence was followed by an ‘oof’ as Oksana’s elbow connected with Anders gut as punishment.

“What?! I was talking about Linda...the store Manager. I know better than to even think of…”

“One more word Anders and we will reintroduce keelhaul as an afternoon activity!”

He let go of it but she knew Anders eyes probably danced in delight at her misery. For brief seconds she wondered if she could get away with an impromptu fire drill and then Eve’s eyes met hers and she found herself standing tall, hoping that her imposing Uniform would cause just a little twinge of remorse in the other woman.

“You look very fetching Oksana.”

She wanted to yell at the empty words of courtesy. Wanted to tell Eve she looked good enough to fuck and hear the gasps around them, wanted to shove protocol up someones old rich arse and for once, just for fucking once, say what was truly on her mind!

But they didn’t do that. Truths were for people caring about each other.

Her teeth grit as she held out her elbow for Eve to take as behind them Dinner service was announced and people went to their tables. At the end of the dining hall a band was set up, playing soft tunes for diners, the whole place softly lit this time.

They had their pictures taken as always and for oksana all these seconds bled into each other as she was shuffled along, turned her and there and tried not to think of the last time she had seen Eve in such a dress. Tried not to think of how she had taken it off the woman so slowly, that by the time Eve was finally undressed and Oksana touched her the first time, she almost came, red faced and stammering that she hadn't been with anyone in so long. 

A flash and she realized she had not really been present mindwise as Eve slowly moved them along to the main entrance, and Oksana’s eyes landed on the pedant dangling under Eve’s clavicle.

The anchor had not lost any of its bright silver gleam.

“Guests please give a round of Applause for Captain Astankova and Madam Cruise Manager Park.”

The door opened and people clapped while Oksana’s eyes were lured up to Eve’s and they both stared for a fraction of a second with eyes guarding emotions that seemed too raw to be voiced.  
A rueful pull of the corner of her mouth and Oksana was back to her reality, softly guiding her companion along through lines of tables clapping for them. She pulled out the chair for Eve and pushed it towards the table as was proper, all the while fighting down emotion.

She put on her best show face, laughed with her officers, talked to guests and enjoyed dinner. The captain desperately held on on the inside though because the revelation of before had changed all she had thought she had known. And here she sat and she had never felt so unsure of herself and all she had believed in, kept reminding herself of the pain of watching Eve leave ship to stay with Niko.

_For you! For what you loved most! For your career and life!_

By the time dinner service was done, all Oksana could think of was that she needed a stiff drink and to get out of that stupid Uniform.

She went to the crew bar and ordered a double vodka on ice before going to the crew deck, leaning against the railing and taking deep gulping breaths, hoping to steady the heart that was beating like a race horse’s inside of her chest or maybe just stop the cold sweat.

“I meant it, you know. You look very, very handsome in this Uniform.”

Her hand clamped tightly around the glass as she willed herself not to turn and look at the woman who had found her at this spot of solace.

“Oksana…”

“Please, don’t. I am too tired from this evening Eve. I can”t do this right now.”

She felt so empty suddenly. As if the air was sucked from around her and each breath was labor.

“You asked me if I ever intended to tell you. I did. I came to London and…”

Steps came closer but the last distance was not breached as Eve treated her like a wounded animal. And was she not just that?

“It took me days to convince Niko a clean cut would be best. That I knew he was cheating on me too. That I just wanted us to end things and be happy without each other. But at some point he admitted that there was nothing left anyways. It was holding on to Status Quo. And then I was finally free. He had signed all the papers and the divorce. I should have...I should not have treated you like a child. I should have explained better but I admit I was just in panic. Because…”

“I never slept with Nadia. She confirmed it days later. I was too drunk. Had gone on a three day bender before my birthday.”

It had been too late then. Eve had left and Oksana had stewed in her anger and resentment.  
She heard the hitching of Eve’s breath at the admission and something inside of her shifted once more.

“But hey...you never trusted me anyways so it just fit the narrative. Young hot shot captain with a girl in every port. It was convenient wasn’t it? A good excuse.”

She did turned then, eyes wild with anger, watching as Eve’s shoulders slumped in shame.

“As I said...I treated you wrong. I am sorry for that...and for not telling you the truth.”

“Oh and that makes it all better?”

She had to put the glass down, fearing her clenching hand would break it.

“You left me behind like a stupid child! As if I could not stand up for myself and my mistakes. I would have owned up to it. I would have thrown my career away. You know why? Because I loved you! You were my home! And I would have readily broken more than his stupid nose for the way he dared touch you. Because my life was so, so much more with you in it. I would have taken a demotion for the conviction that no one should ever treat you like Niko did. That you deserved better. I would have taken anything they threw at me because I believed no matter what would happen you would be with me so what would they really be able to do? Because I believed in us. While all you did was doubt me, from the beginning.”

It had just gushed out of her, in a tidal wave of emotion, Oksana had bared her soul to the one person she had tried so hard to protect herself from. Her eyes finally met dark chocolates again and found tears in them, flowing over and falling. 

“Yes, you always deserved better. But I was never a good person, Oksana. I never treated Niko well, nor you. All I thought of was, that you did not deserve losing all you worked so hard for for me. A person that had cheated on her husband. I did all these things because I never wanted you to lose this for someone like me. Because I was not worth that. You once told me that all you ever had, the only steady place, was the sea. And I was scared that once you had to give that up for me, you would come to resent me. I am sorry that I was not the person you deserved.”

Never before had they spoken so openly to each other about what had happened and Oksana wished she was less of an ass, reach out to Eve, touch her hand, keep her there and try to mend things. She let Eve leave instead because what else was there for them left to say.

**Past**

“I love you!”

The admission made her Dance partners whole body freeze for a second.  
They were on a week long break in the middle of their third cruise and tonight the cruise line celebrated three new captains that had made it through the courses. Oksana being one of them. A ballroom had been rented, a caterer called and the whole thing was celebrated while all Eve had cared about was seeing Oksana again. She had traveled back and forth between London and cruise tours on the Primus and was beyond stressed. 

It had bubbled from Oksana as they danced, pressed too close together to look like friends.

“Oksana…”

The blond turned her face against Eve’s neck but felt relief when she felt Eve’s hands squeeze her softly.

Minutes later they had said their goodnights and met outside the ballroom, Eve pulling her up to her room nervously. They said nothing on the way up the rooms, but once inside of Eve’s room, with the light dimmed to a soft glow, their bodies collided with desperate force. 

Oksana walked them backwards as her lips made a meal of Eve’s neck until they hit something which turned out to be the stationaire. Hands fumbled on her belt loosening as Oksana sopftly cradled Eve’s face, pecking her cheeks to calm the wildly breathing woman down. She gave them a few seconds to gather themselves before she leaned in and deeply kissed the smaller woman. Smaller hands on her hips, pushing under her shirt, making Oksana gasp as she felt those hands on her skin, nails softly teasing.

She kissed down a soft neck until she reached the Vi of the dress and her eyes asked for permission, which she received with a small nod, before her hands slowly pulled down the shoulder straps of the beautiful dress. The russian felt she had not usually finessed girls out of their clothes but Eve was so much more and meant more so she did go slow because Eve deserved the best in all things in life.

Everyone always thought they had to commit this to memory, this one moment with a person you loved, to never forget what they tasted and felt like. Oksana had perfect memory and she catalogued each sigh and moan she drew from Eve as she lowered the shoulders of the dress! Following the fabric with lips and teeth. Eve seemed to like the latter and when her breasts were finally free of her gown, Oksana's lips easily latched onto a nipple, smiling as she felt her lovers hands bury in her hair. 

She looked up from under her lashes as she made a feast of each breast in turn, and found Eve staring up at the ceiling, skin pebbling under the Russians touch. Soft fingertips traveled from neck down each vertebrae, making Eve shiver in anticipation and once the hand landed on a small firm butt, it slung around and hoisted Eve up. 

Soft lips formed an O and deep brown eyes, pupils blown so wide they looked black, watched as. Oksana undid button after button from her dress shirt, very slowly until she could take it off, leaving her in a black bra with front clasp. One expert. Move and the thing popped off and Oksana laughed at Eve's reaction. 

The smaller woman's hands grabbed the edge of her perch until the knuckles in her fingers turned white. 

"Do you want to touch me Evie?" 

A desperate nod, black curls bopping enthusiastically as Oksana hiked up Eve's dress with a wink, so she could nestle between the Koreans legs. She held out her hands for the other woman and Eve took the hint, laying her smaller hands into the blondes and moaning when the taller woman guided them to her breasts, pressing her body into the touch and shivering in glee at finally being touched by Eve. 

The next minutes were a blur of tangled lips and exploring touches, hands learning the other's body and what excited. They had gravited closer and closer and at some point her pants had dropped and Eve had pressed herself against a creamy thigh, needing the relief of the pressure against her, one long fingered hand was on the small of Eve's back, pressing her against herself further, delighted at the moans she could draw from the other woman. 

At some point the Russian realized their position and with a soft grunt she lifted Eve up and carried her the few steps further to the bed, dropping her with a laugh before she grabbed the bottom of the dress and pulled it off, leaving Eve in emerald silk and soaked panties. 

"Please…" 

She shuddered at the begging tone and got onto the bed, crawling up her soon to be lovers body and capturing her lips in a searing kiss as their hot skin touched, bodies pressing together needily and Eve desperately rubbing herself against the other woman. She whimpered which in turn made Oksana smile softly, fingertips pushing a strand of hair behind Eve's ear. 

"You are so beautiful."

It sounded like a prayer, her Russian accent thick with Lust and then she descended down on Eve. Lips and fingers, teeth nipping until she was where she wanted to be for so long. Legs over her shoulders, arm weaving about to hold Eve in place with a hand on her flat stomach, heaving breathlessly as Oksana smirked up at her. 

She saw stars when lips and fingers suddenly worked her and at some point she swore she passed out for a second. 

All night Oksana worked her body over and over, worshipping her as their sweat slick bodies moved against each other in the most satiating of dances. Just when she felt they needed a break she would feel fingers caress in just the right spots. 

She had not come that often in the last years of marriage and here she kneeled over Oksana's face, fingers buried deep inside her body, pumping while she could not even grasp what the blondes mouth was doing to her, the younger woman having taught her all night what sex could be like. Hands grabbing the headboard as she rode out the tidal waves of another orgasm, Legs shaking and burning and tears rolling down her cheeks as Eve realized that she had not ever felt this complete before. 

She was slowly moved further down, straddling hips now and Oksana sat up, arms slinging around her tightly, her body too weak as she slumped against the naked beauty, breath ragged. 

Slowly she was soothed down from that high, hands stroking her back and thighs until her coiled muscles let go. Eve was sure she would not walk straight for days and she already missed the feeling of Oksana buried inside of her. 

"I love you."

Oksana husked into her ear, making Eve sob and hold on tighter as she found herself unable to say the words after all the woman had done for her. 

"Shhh it's fine. In your own time. I am here."

The intensity of the night still burned through her, making her ache all over, the outside world was but a memory as she prayed she could stay like this forever, encased in Oksana's long limbs, held and guarded. She whimpered when the blond stood but Oksana only went to close the blinds and ordering them brunch for later, then the woman was back in bed, pulling Eve into her arms and kissing her forehead. 

"Sleep. I am here. I will always be."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much for the kudos, likes and for still reading even though it is a really slow burn.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here goes nothing

"So… You bared your hearts, finally cleared up what really happened but then, like the useless lesbian you seem to be, you let the girl you can't get out of your mind leave because…"

Anders had joined her before his shift started that night to bring her coffee and for some small talk. Most of her day she had tried shaking memories of Eve from her mind while getting ready for her late shift. 

"Because she hurt me." 

Anders nodded. 

"Yes she did and you hurt her back and then she was mean and so you were mean back but besides that you behave like pre schoolers when the other is involved…why aren't you making up?" 

Oksana stared at her staff captain incredulous, apparently he had not heard a word she had said. 

"There is nothing to make up. I need her gone so I can be… Normal again." 

She frowned annoyed when she heard Anders laugh. 

"Now you are…. No wait I will show you. Mikkel take over for a moment." 

Her frown deepened as Anders told her to follow him but for some reason she did, albeit annoyed.  
They went to the photo lab the on board team used and with his crew card anders used a board computer to log in before he pulled up a picture from the ballroom night a day ago. 

"Tell me again there is nothing left. Please stop lying to yourself." 

She stared at the picture that she had no recollection of, arm in arm and Eve gazing up at her while she gazed down at the smaller woman tenderly.

"I…" 

They looked like nothing had ever happened. An innocent and unguarded moment and she realized Eve's slightly red cheeks, a beautiful blush. 

"You are miserable because you never stopped feeling for her and now you maneuvered yourself into a spot where you feel you can't simply let go of all your anger. But Oksana… please don't say you don't still love that woman." 

"That doesn't change shit…" 

She hit delete on the screen and watched as the file vanished, before she stomped back to the bridge leaving Anders behind to shake his head. 

The next day's she kept mostly to herself, not wanting another discussion with her staff captain while also trying to avoid the reason for discussions. 

Eve had tried talking to her a few times but she had found ways to avoid it, feeling childish but also not knowing if she still had any defences up or if she would start actually crying and yelling at the other woman the next time. Eve's admission of the mistakes, the reasons why she had done what she had done, was in some way something Oksana just understood too well. But as Anders had said, she had maneuvered herself into a state that was to her easier than trying to somehow… 

"We need to speak." 

There Eve stood some days later, looking annoyed at her as she slouched in the captains chair bored beyond belief. 

"No time sorry, Madam cruise manager… I  
I have…waves to watch. There might even…be some clouds." 

"It's about work." 

Heaving a sigh, Oksana followed her to the bridge meeting room. The way Eve threw the door close, made her realize she might have overdone her avoiding a little bit. Eve was livid and it was actually a bit cute how she stood in front of Oksana, staring up all angry but so short compared to Oksana that nothing of the menacingness was left. A piece of paper was angrily slapped against her chest and Oksana grabbed it, skim reading. 

"I just thought to warn you was fair, since you hate birthday celebrations." 

Before Oksana could say more the door slammed again and the, now rueful, captain stared down at the paper explaining preparations to be taken for her birthday. 

She swallowed thickly, remembering the kind of celebrations she did like on her birthday, the way she had gotten drunk that one birthday because she thought… But Eve hadn't actually left her that time. She had just tried to save her job. 

"Fuck." 

She rubbed her neck and went back to her station. 

By the end of her shift she knew she had to suck it up and apologize. Eve had probably saved her neck with the warning because she would have flipped and did something stupid had she just been surprised. Maybe martens wanted her gone after all. 

She went down to the bakery picking up an order. She had placed and then went on her search for Eve. 

It was harder than anyone knew to find someone on a ship with all the crew passage ways and so on and she certainly did not want to call her because that seemed stupid. Eve wasn't in her office and Oksana felt ridic with the box in her hand and decided to go back to her quarters and check again later. 

In the Crew hallway leading to officers cabins it was mostly calm as it was midday and most on duty but just as she passed one door behind her opened and she heard Eve's laugh. 

Eve had not seen her yet as she talked to someone inside the cabin.

"Thank you so much Sasha, I needed that." 

The cruise manager said and then did turn to find Oksana staring at her. 

"Captain…" 

Oksana stared. 

Finding Oksana in the hallway with what seemed like a bakery box made Eve stop dead in her tracks. 

The blonde looked oddly at her as she held out said box. 

"I…am sorry." 

Eve blinked. 

"it's Red velvet and vanilla cream…" 

Eve stared back confused and realized what Oksana had witnessed and that the strange look on her face was a sign for her having misjudged what she had witnessed. Eve bit her lip as she took the box staring down at the cupcake. 

Maybe Anders was right and there was still more than hate inside the captain. Which by the way the lanky woman suddenly tried to push past her might be true. 

_"Maybe one of you just finally needs to reach out to the other Eve."_

Anders had said when he had given her the picture that had been taken at the ballroom night. But she had reached out and Oksana was too hurt, lashing out again. 

Her hand shot out and her fingertips grazed Oksana's just a little flutter of a contact and it did stop Oksana, alas she did not turn back towards her, shoulders not their usual proud straight line. 

"Thank you Oksana. By the way… Did you know Arial artist Sasha used to be a massage therapist? She just helped me with my lower back pain. Maybe she could look at your shoulders and the crick you always get in them."

Hazel eyes full of confusion zoned in on her and it seemed her assumption had been right, Oksana had thought she had slept with someone. Was there really still something? She had seemed so angry after the dinner, explaining her feelings and Eve had understood it all, knowing how she had hurt the other woman. 

"I…" 

Before the blonde could spew out a stupid sentence Eve stopped her. 

"Don't. I can't keep going like this Oksana. It's this endless cycle of hurting and hurting back and I am tired and emotionally drained. We said what we had to say and I get it. I fucked up. I am really…really sorry. "

It was he rushing past the taller woman this time as she went to her cabin with the cupcake in her hand, feeling like she really needed that nap now. 

Oksana watched the other woman leave, shoulders hanging. 

She was a fucking asshole and she wished this shit would be easier, but Oksana simply had no idea how to. They were at an impasse and she knew her pride was holding her back. Pride and fear. What if she trusted again and was shot down again? 

She could have followed Eve, tried talking again but instead she went to her cabin, feeling like she needed sleep badly. 

****

After their little run in, in the crew hallway, Eve felt things had gotten better between her and the captain. It was a cautious truce but at least the woman stopped avoiding her. 

It reminded her that they actually worked really well together, she had an eye for perfectionism and planning and Oksana loosened that up with her not too serious side.  
Oksana attempted small talk at the dinner table a few times and they even talked a bit about the city they had moored in and the trip Oksana was taking her beloved bike on. 

The days passed, guests changed and they were in a steady routine. 

By the time Oksana's birthday rolled around they were traveling towards the Atlantic to cross over, they had just completed their last isle stop and Eve was so busy with also planning Halloween parties and the likes, that she had almost forgotten it was the day. 

She had not seen Oksana all day and wondered if the other woman was hiding somewhere on board. Once dinner rolled around she found herself putting on another dress, nervous if all prep was ready. She knew if anyone fucked this big Carolyn Martens event up, she would get an earful. 

There was a knock at her door just as she had finished and was about to leave and she found Oksana at her door, in her dinner uniform, looking nervous. 

"I don't want to do this. It's stupid and simply planned to antagonize me."

Eve pulled her inside so no one could hear and suspect the captain had been warned.

"It's just a cake and a picture show with some stupid music. You will shake hands as usual, put on a friendly smile and by tomorrow they will all have forgotten when we tell them about the Halloween events coming up."

Eve soothed, not even realizing she had started undoing the uneven bowtie. Oksana was so flustered she had not taken her usual care when getting ready.

"Turn!"

Oksana did and turned towards the large mirror. Eve huffed when she was unable to look over her shoulder properly and had to kneel on the bed behind the mirror as they both watched her reach to redo the bowtie. 

Oksana blushed as she realized the moment was way too tender for their usual selves but she felt Eve was trying to calm her.  
Still Oksana's hands reached up and fidgeted with her lapels getting in Eve's way and making the shorter woman bat her hands away. 

"Stop it!" 

"I don't need the stupid bowtie when I jump off deck 15. I look like an idiot." 

It was ridic what she had to wear. Female captains so rare that she wore the males uniform and she felt she looked stupid with a bowtie. 

"Shush you look very nice." 

Eve admired her handy work then turned the captain around and straightening jacket before checking if her work was straight. And somehow it was as if they had never done anything else and Oksana swallowed thickly as she looked down at the woman kneeling on her bed in a dress. 

"You…You look very nice too, Eve." 

Chocolate brown eyes met hers and Eve smiled, a soft blush tinting her cheeks. 

"Thanks. Now just remember: look surprised, fawn over the stupid cake which I made sure is at least the one you actually like and a very professional not too colorful decor and then we watch the picture thingy and all will be done."

Oksana took a deep breath and nodded, helping Eve down and then handing her her clutch.  
The smaller woman grabbed her elbow and pulled her towards the door but Oksana stopped her, Eve turning with confusion and about to ask what was wrong when she saw the look in Oksana's eyes and words died on her lips as a kiss was pressed to her cheek, leaving her heart beating madly. 

"Thank you Eve."

The moment was cut short as another knock was heard and Anders called to her, searching for Oksana. Eve opened the door and Anders first looked confused before he wagged his brows. 

"I needed help with my bowtie…" 

"Sure…."

Eve rolled her eyes at them. 

"I don't care what you think, we are being late." 

She said and walked away knowing Anders would. Always have something of his to add. 

"Shut up…" 

Oksana said through her teeth, beet red at her staff captains antics and the moment he had just broken up. 

The first part of dinner went normally, the closer they got to desert, the more nervous Oksana grew and her leg was bouncing under the table, until Eve's hand landed on the knee and she shot her a look. 

Suddenly the ships horn blew, the lights were dimmed and the speaker system crackled before Carolyn Martens posh British accent was heard explaining who she was and that tonight they not only celebrated the captains birthday but also her 15 years with the cruise line, thus she found a bit of cake was needed as well as a picture show later for anyone who was interested. 

Just then a table was carried onto the stage and four waiters carried out the five tier cake with sparklers while the dining room erupted into a rendition of happy birthday. 

Oksana stood and clapped, bowing to the guests and then taking the microphone to pretend she was positively surprised and grateful for the well wishes. 

Always the professional. 

While the cake was cut and distributed, happy birthday by Stevie Wonder was playing guests walking by her table to wish the captain happy birthday. 

"oh… Marzipan." 

Oksana said as she tried some, smiling knowingly at Eve. She had really remembered. The other woman smiled back before she was whisked off by Eric to prepare the theater. 

On the promenade champagne was handed out and guests were then led to the theater, the captain was asked to go one floor up to the balcony, where Anders and Eve already waited. 

"I am not wearing that!" 

She said, batting Eve's hands away, which held a party hat. 

"See it as revenge for the motorcycle stunt." 

And thus Oksana stepped onto the balcony with a ridiculous hat looking slightly disgruntled. 

She had no idea what was to come and she feared it but there was no going back and at least Anders was at her side. She would never hear the end of it.  
Then Eve stepped onto her other side and it felt a bit more OK. 

Soft music started playing and since there was no pictures of her as a child, they had resorted to pictures from her youth, working on a ferry with Konstantin , he as a young captain and Oksana as an ensign. There were pictures of her in a blue suit in the machine room, pictures of her and Konstantin in front of the ferry and it was actually fond memories. She would still strangle him. 

Then the pictures showed her disgruntled holding up a piece of paper, Konstantin grinning next to her and from then on the pictures changed to pictures of Oksana growing up in the cruise industry, with guests, at events, on isles, then her on the motorcycle. 

Picture after picture, guests delighting in oohing and ahhing at the little comments under each. 

She saw her life pass by and was relieved there was nothing incriminating there. Until script on the screen said that she was so long with the cruise line that she had served with some people for ages. 

First there were pictures of Konstantin and her, one video showing them on the bridge as Konstantin explained the layout for an on board documentary. She missed working with him she felt. 

And then the pictures changed and there were pictures of her and Eve and cheery script described how long they had already served together. 

Oksana's heart sped up and she chanced a glance to her side, seeing Eve look just as shocked. 

On the screen there were so many pictures from their first tours. 

"oh God…" 

She heard Eve mutter. 

One of the first pictures from the first tour was of Oksana with a bucket proclaiming "Polastris sick bucket" Oksana giving a thumbs up. 

The guests laughed, Eve was red-faced and in Oksana swelled a feeling. 

Then there were pictures at events and she had no idea how many pictures there were of them she cursed the picture pool, but what took her breath away was a picture of them at her captains graduation and she wondered if it was really easy to figure out how in love they were, them standing next to each other, Eve looking tenderly up at her while Oksana held her degree and grinned. 

The picture changed one last time the screen saying:

"A cruise line's dream team back on travel together." 

There was that stupid picture from their ballroom night and the awing from the guests made her feel like she was about to strangle whoever gave the cruise line that picture. She would kill Anders but realized he had fled the balcony. Before she could think of fleeing herself, she felt Eve's hand bump hers, searching and finally entangling two fingers in an insecure hold. So unsure and fragile that Oksana was not sure it happened and her own fingers reached back to hold the contact as Eve's eyes and hers were glued to the screen. 

She heard nothing but her blood rushing in her ears, her hand searching and finally finding Eve's hand, holding it as if afraid to break the bond. 

Suddenly the warmth blossoming was gone as a spotlight shone on her and she realized people stood and were clapping, looking up at her. 

The captain turned for a second, looking behind her and finding Eve leave with a very rueful smile and signs of tears glistening in her eyes. She wanted to follow but was stopped by Eric pushing a Microphone to her. 

Trapped on that balcony while her mind yelled at her to follow Eve. 

Once she was done she wondered if she should find Eve but somehow it felt like the moment was gone and maybe it had not happened like this at all, maybe Eve had grasped her hand to stop her from leaving. After all, Eve had been supposed to make sure Oksana was on best behaviour. 

The solitude of the bridge that night was very welcome to her, this was her place. But as she stared at the darkness of the night and the sea she felt something missing like all those years back and she knew that feeling far too well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew.... I hope you like.
> 
> Thanks a ton for all the positive comments, kudos and that you are still reading this.
> 
> By the way we are doing this Fantaghiro style: sometimes you need to repeat old steps to remind someone of yourself. Bring the memory of all the love back


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay so...whew I hope I am doing this right

"Higher, yes like this. Perfect!" 

Eve said and watched as the team hung some. Paper decoration on the promenade. 

On the ground was still the large chandelier which was being decorated with ghosts and spider webs and fake spiders and she checked if another team still had enough balloons, then ordering someone to get more from storage. 

It was 2 am and Eve was overtired, but they needed to get this done before the first guests woke. There was still so much to do that Eve felt her head swim as she thought of the things she needed to check. 

"Hey can you check the process in patisserie and make sure things are halloween themed?" 

She used the walkie talkie to talk to someone in the kitchens, smiling when she heard a Roger back. 

She checked the process on her tablet and estimated if they would meet their time frame, remembering why she hated late night redecorations and this one wasn't just the dining room but most of the ship. One day early so whatever small redos they did not get done could be taken care of on the 30th.

"boo!"

She yelped and jolted, had been so deep in thought she had not heard anyone come up to her until a large werewolf mask popped up at her side and yelled.  
Eve barely held on to the tablet before pressing her hand to her face as she tried to stop her heart from beating out of her chest, blindly hitting at whoever had done this to her and cursing.

The laugh was very much known to her and she blushed a fierce red. 

"Stop laughing!" 

Eve said and took the mask from Oksana who was still smirking. She hit the blonde with the mask on the shoulder for effect, absolutely confused at the whole mood change between them. One moment she was getting used to hostile behaviour, then she finally had them a truce and then…then Oksana was the Oksana she remembered and had fallen in love with all these years ago, standing next to her on the theater balcony. 

It was as if she could not keep up what the situation between them was, besides that this was better than being hated on. 

"God damnit! Do you want me to drop dead!" 

"Not really…I don't want to clear the ice cream freezer out again." 

Eve shuddered and shook herself. 

"Ugh don't remind me please!" 

It had been the first time she had witnessed a death on a ship and not the last and she hated it. 

"We had a guy last tour from Russia, who died while…you know, with his very young mistress. Whom the wife knew nothing off, so when we made it to St. Petersburg and police and the wife came…spectacle."

Oksana smirked and handed her a coffee which she had brought and Eve stared maybe a little surprised while Oksana looked around at all the changes to the decor. 

"Let me guess there was no way you could delegate these tasks to teams and you have to stay up so late? Anders told me you weren't at dinner."

"Is this a reprimand Captain? Also it's not like you are the queen of delegating."

She sipped the coffee and sighed happily. 

"Mmmhhhh wait is that caramel and vanilla? How did you get a coffee from the artisan coffee station?" 

"I am the Captain." 

A smirk and shrug and Oksana watched as the chandelier was pulled up, the teams clapping at the sight of it, then Oksana gave a nod to an ensign and he nodded back. 

"Okay, that's it! The thing is up. Come on." 

She grabbed Eve's tablet and handed it over to the ensign then grabbed the shorter woman's elbow, pulling her along. 

"No! Listen I have to check on the dining room team and then the info area needs to be prepped…."

"Madam cruise manager is 4 hours overtime and you haven't even eaten yet. You won't be of any help conked out and starving." 

It was almost like nothing had happened and she wanted to believe it so badly because she had missed this Oksana, but wiping away all they had done to each other was hard. 

Down to the kitchens they went, Eve suddenly feeling how tired and hungry she was as all the good smells attacked her nose. She almost whimpered when someone opened a pot and meat smell billowed out and blanketed everything close by. 

By then she was pulled along like a doll, until they reached an empty station and as soon as they stood there, one cook brought a bowl of pasta in alfredo sauce. Her stomach clenched and she dug in, watching from the corner of her eyes as Oksana nicked two pieces of cake from the tray before sitting across from Eve, sipping her coffee with eyes closed as she listened to the sounds of the kitchen and let them soothe her. 

Eve ate with Gusto and the bowl was empty in record time. She took one of the plates with cake and ate that too, making sure no crump was left. By then, Oksana had finished her coffee and her own piece of Sacher cake. 

"I…thank you…" 

Mumbling a bit sheepish, Eve barely able to hide a yawn behind a hand.

"Make sure you get sleep Eve. I heard you like nap times.." 

As Eve blushed and stumbled over any kind of intelligent words, Oksana was already walking away, swaggering through the kitchen, as if it was not 3 am in the morning. 

Something had tremendously shifted between them and Eve was reeling because she had no idea what was to come or what this meant. 

Once in bed her mind wandered to the Oksana on her birthday, the nervous woman coming to her, how they had fallen into their place and roles like years back, as if nothing was between them. 

The way their fingers had touched and held on, both so confused of what was going on. The picture of them was breathtaking and Eve ached for what they once were, what they should have been. 

She just feared the steps to take to mend things completely. Did not dare to hope for another chance, because Eve believed wholeheartedly that she did not deserve it. 

**

Looking at the weather forecast, Anders made some notes, nodding to Mikkel to input the info in the bridge log before turning back to Oksana who was, in his opinion, only on the bridge to annoy him while off duty. 

"A little birdie told me you and Madam cruise manager had a romantic dinner for two last night." 

Hazel eyes rolled annoyed. 

"Not really. I dragged Eve away from decorations by 2 am and had someone give her food in the kitchen." 

Anders slumped in the captain's chair. 

"Really? So the barista you pulled away from her other station to make two coffees in the middle of the night…" 

Unblinking Oksana stared back as if she had no grasp of what he was trying to say. 

"Listen just give me a heads up will this be permanent peace between you or…" 

The lanky woman stood, staring out at the Atlantic sea. 

"I don't know what you're talking about Anders. I care about all my crew members." 

Anders watched her leave with a knowing smile. It was an odd mood his friend was in and he knew too much pressing would not be helping. He liked it though, feeling more at ease around the two.

Oksana had no idea herself what she was doing if she was being honest with herself. 

The birthday evening must have been one of her best lately really. It felt strange but the way they somehow still had that odd bond…

She almost walked into the woman on her mind on the promenade, as Eve emerged from one of the shops with her tablet and a coffee. Both jumped back in time as the coffee sloshed and some spilled out but did not hit any of the two. 

Before Oksana could say something, a million stupid quibs on her mind, Eve pressed the coffee cup into her hand, mumbling she couldn't do this anylonger and turning on her heel, leaving a bemused captain just standing there. A Crew member from the shop stared at her and she shrugged, before going to the coffee place and handing them the cup. 

She thought of following the shorter woman but then Eve was probably not in the mood for whatever odd mood Oksana herself was in. Halloween would be the next night and after a spooky murder dinner they would stage for their guests, she had planned to show herself on the promenade for at least 2 hours. 

For a second she pondered and then decided to head to the costume stash to select something. She thought she would need ages but the right costume was still there and she had it put away for her before she went to finally get her break and some food.

Everyone on board seemed buzzing with expectation at the big Halloween day, Oksana saw all the work her crew had to put in, knowing many of them had not gotten much sleep lately and thus daybreak times were used for long naps. She tried to keep all other things at a minimum at least so the crew would not break under the workload. She herself was looking forward to the Halloween dance on the promenade even though she had no idea what she was doing.  
Something washed over her icecold and when she finally reached her cabin, Oksana’s hands were clammy.

She grabbed the satellite phone and punched in the familiar number, checking the time difference as she sat down at her desk. When she heard the click, she sighed relieved.

“Papochka…”

**

Eve watched with a half grin as Pirate Captain Astankova sat in the midst of children, reading a not so scary halloween Pirate story to them before lunch naptime. 

“How on earth…”

She muttered.

“And are we filming this?”

Anders stood next to her grinning.

“Yeap, camera man is up on that balcony. Aaaand she owed me one.”

They watched as the children went around the Pool area with the captain, searching for the ghost Pirates treasure and then all being handed chocolate dublones from the treasure chest before they were walked back to the kids club for the nap.

“It was nice knowing you Anders...you are a dead man walking.”

Eve commented and then left the security officers CCTV room, chuckling still.

“Nah...I don't think I am…”

Anders said once she was out of earshot, grinning. The Captain was stubborn but now she had changed her goals and redirected that drive of hers. He could not wait to see it truly and in the end, Oksana was close to him and he wanted to see her happy. Still it had been too good to pass up and thus she had owed him when she had asked for a little favor.

By evening and Dinner service Anders did as asked and before the Murder dinner ended and the killer was found amongst the Diners, he asked Oksana up to Bridge so she had an excuse to leave earlier.

“Is everything okay?”

Eve asked the Captain worriedly, as the blonde excused herself from the rest of the dinner service.

“I’ll check, don't worry. He was getting a headache earlier.”

“Oh...well tell him I hope he feels better soon.”

Eve answered and watched Oksana nod.

She would have to check later and see if Anders needed anything. Her mind was soon back to the festivities and that she still had to change into her halloween costume. 

Oksana went to her own cabin feeling nervous again. This could absolutely go wrong and then she would also be really embarrassed. And she hated being embarrassed. There was only one way to go for her though. After talking to Konstantin and listening to him pep talk her she felt she had least had to try. One last time.

Under the Plague doctor Outfit no one would know straight away who she was. Eve hopefully would know it was her, understand what Oksana was doing. They had to go back to a time when they were happy, when they had not fucked up. A do over Konstantin had said. Remind Eve of the reasons she had been with her. Why they were good together.

But Oksana was terrified because she now knew what Eve’s rejection felt like and she was not really sure if the last days had really been a promise for things to change or just her wishful thinking and interpreting into the situation. She had never been this unsure of herself 

Waiting inside of her cabin for the call from Anders when he spotted Eve at the promenade party, leg bouncing, then walking back and forth and then a heart drop as she heard Anders say Eve was now on Promenade.

“Woa...she looks like an Angel.”

Oksana stopped walking and blinked before answering.

“I mean...like literally or are you saying she is…”

“No literally! Angel, sparkling wings on her back, Halo on her head.”

A deep breath later and she had switched the walkie talkie off, walking up and getting closer and closer to the music. Once she entered the promenade it was filled to the brim, people milling about, dancing, pop up bars selling drinks, candy galore everywhere. The music almost drowned out the masses but with her imposing face mask people did make way for her. Oksana walked slowly, looking around, letting her pictures taken with guests and ever so slowly she came closer to where she had seen a white dress slip into the masses. Oksana stalked her, knowing it was Eve by the unruly mop of curls which she had always loved so much about the other woman.

At some point Eve must have realized she was being followed and she turned, staring square on at the Plague doctor staring back at her.

Weaving through the masses, just mingling, Eve at some point had gotten a feeling, the hairs on the back of her neck standing and her skin tingling. She had the odd feeling of being followed and when the feeling would not vanish, she walked and then turned abruptly.

Her breath must have stopped because she felt slightly light headed as she stared at a plague doctor some 10 feet away, dancing people crossing their paths as they simply stood, as if frozen in a bubble of time while the rest of the ship moved on.

At first she thought she would pass out, then Eve was scared she would cry and then she was simply rooted to the spot, unable to move. She heard nothing just her own short breath, wondering if she looked flush. As she made no move, her body's reaction to the tall Figure moving towards her, almost made her jump, that strange sensation in her belly. 

There was no doubt who was moving slowly through the people to reach her and when the Plague doctor was at her side, she stared up into the dark glass that hid the eyes. The head was bent down so the beak of the mask would not poke her, it looked as if the dr. was looming over her as she stared up and felt fingertips carefully touch hers. Almost afraid of her pulling back her hand. Instead she copied the move, their hands entangling in a loose and insecure hold.  
More people seemed to stream onto the promenade and space got tighter, pushing them together more. At some point, without the two women realizing, they had started moving in circles, softly dancing around each other.

What was Oksana up to? Why was she doing this? Resurrecting this memory.

The Cruise Managers head was buzzing with a hundred questions as she tried to figure out her companion. Oksana had chosen this moment because they had just started falling in love then. All fresh and unsure and wobbly. Like they were now, just that they had been in love before and now it seemed like the other woman was trying to bring that back, remind them of how they had been. They were pushed closer and closer and as a slower song started, Eve swallowed thickly as she was slowly pulled into a dance hold.

If that wasn't Oksana and she was dancing around with a complete stranger, Eve would be mortified.

“The next Song comes with Greetings from our Staff Captain Anders Petterson.”

The DJ announced and Eve blushed hard as she heard the first tunes of The Corrs and their Song Runaway.

“I’ll keelhaul him, I swear.”

Eve pressed her flushed face against the neck of the costume, hiding her grin and blush. 

_Say it's true, there's nothing like me and you  
Not alone, tell me you feel it too  
And I would runaway  
I would runaway, yeah  
I would runaway  
I would runaway with you  
_

Oksana, though annoyed at the antics of Anders, kept moving them softly, leading them into a soft swaying and circling as Eve felt as if the world around them blurred out and vanished. She felt her knees were weak at the realization of what was going on, her mind caught between over analyzing and just letting herself be sweeped away.

“Oksana…?”

There were so many Questions in her head.

_'Cause I have fallen in love  
With you, no never have  
I'm never gonna stop falling in love, with you (with you)  
_

“Don’t Eve...Please.”

She could not answer the questions the other woman had. Oksana had no answers. She had to accept that she had no idea how to get over the shit show they had put each other through. Konstantin had reminded her that relationships aren't pretty all the time. The word itself described the work that was behind any love affair. And a younger her, even a her from months ago, would have rolled her eyes. But now here she stood and she tried her hardest to somehow get through this and get the positive ending.

The song changed and their dance became awkward and they slowly stepped apart. The outside world intruded again and someone bumped into Oksana’s back hard and she was about to turn and curse out the person but Eve, pulled her hand and pulled them out of the throng of people to ensure nothing happened.

To the sidelines but people still watched as the outfit was so imposing and so Eve swallowed and pulled them into a crew hallway, like all those years ago the walked until the found a door to a side storage and Eve switched the light on before she slowly and carefully pulled the mask off Oksana’s head, revealing matted hair and flushed face and eyes that looked just as confused and vulnerable as hers probably did.

Slightly shaking fingers pushed a strand of hair behind the Captains ear and then Eve did wipe the other womans sweaty brows with her thumb pads, hands framing the face of the larger woman. All the while Oksana stood staring down, realizing how the cramped room had pushed them so close together, her hands on Eve’s hips as they breathed in slightly labored.

“What...is happening?”

The insecurity in Eve’s voice made Oksana duck her head slightly.

“I...don’t know.”

A hand pushed her chin up softly, making her look at Eve.

“Can….can we just…”

“You want to see where this goes?”

In a way it was laying all her trust in them and their ability to hopefully figure it out.

Oksana nodded and shrugged at the same time.

“I...haven’t magically gotten better at this you know. I...I think I want a do over.”

Eve’s eyes softened.

“Oksana...will you ever forgive me for the things I did?”

And that was what it boiled down to. She had no idea how to forget the feeling of abandonment. Because that was her essence. She had been left behind by her father, by Anna and then by Eve. It was her deepest fear. The reason she never had dared move to another cruise company because she only had had Konstantin left and she had held on as long as he had traveled himself.

The raw feeling of fear inside of her made her feel like she was on the platter here and Eve saw and pulled her in for a hug, kissing her cheek softly.

“I can’t forgive myself either.”

Her head bowed, she listened to Eve leave as she looked down at the mask. But this time she did push herself to do something and not let Eve leave again. Eve the one that always slipped away from her. She grabbed a wrist and Eve stopped.

“I will always be scared to be left behind. But I want to trust you. And I want you to trust me this time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this also thanks for all the likes and comments !!!! <3


	16. Info update

Hey guys,

I know we have all heard enough of Covid and so on but I live in Europe and now care for the part of my family, we don't want to leave the house any longer like my grandparents and so on. So I have some ways to go after work and am not sure if I can keep the updates flowing so fast. I'll have to see how it goes since my Place of work stays open for now and we don't have a full on quarantine for everyone yet. But as schools and kindergarden close, most of my family will have to stay at home but might also not be adviced to leave the house so... Lots of stuff to do and take care of for them.

To all of you please stay safe and healthy!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for commenting the last update and reading still.
> 
> Listen guys this is serious! I want you all to stay safe! Please even though in these trying times our instincts tell us to surround ourselves with loved one's, make sure you follow the social distancing rules. 
> 
> I want you all to stay safe and healthy!

“I have to leave, I need to get to the bridge.”

Oksana said, muffled by the mask she was wearing once more after leaving the little storage closet. It had allowed her to spend her time on the promenade solely with Eve. They had danced some more, enjoyed to just be, next to each other, watching the people be happy. They had a mocktail, then danced some more, like normal people would even though there was an added weight on their shoulders now.

The things they had done in the two hours Oksana was off duty, were things that had them almost forget the heavy weighing fears about what could happen if they messed this up again. One thing was certain, the old feelings were still there.

Eve was basically off duty, as much as she ever allowed herself to be, still being on the promenade to be there if needed.

“Do you have tomorrow off still?”

Oksana asked as they walked towards the crew cabins, both wanting to change out of their costumes and as they walked their bodies were so close that their hands touched while walking, which made Eve feel jittery.

“Yes, looking forward to sleeping in. I’ll make some rounds and then call it a night.”

She said as they stopped in front of her cabin, Eve looked down both ends of the hallway if someone was there before opening her door and pulling Oksana in.

“Whoa…”

The blonde muttered at the sudden momentum forward and blushed as she bumped into Eve inside the cabin, the door closing behind her.

“Just...a sec…”

Carefully Eve took off Oksana’s mask, chuckling when she saw the mess of hair.

“There. I didn't want to do this with the cameras in the hallway.”

Eve explained and stepped on her tiptoes, pressing a kiss to each cheek first.

“Thanks for dancing with me.”

She said to the blonde staring down at her.

The next kiss was on the corner of the Captains mouth and Oksana turned her head just so, pressing their lips together and smiling at the sigh from the Korean, as her hand wandered to the back of Eve’s head and the other on her hip. When they broke apart, foreheads pressed together for a second, before Eve moved hers to Oksana’s shoulder, she had seen a glimmer of tears in the shorter woman's eyes, rubbing her back soothingly.

“Don't stay up too long today ok?”

A short nod and then Oksana pressed a tentative kiss against Eve’s forehead before she left the other woman to get changed herself for bridge service. 

Walking to her cabin, her mind was racing. She, no they would really try this one more time. Oksana had meant what she had said, she needed Eve to trust her this time and she would trust that Eve would not do these things to her again. Oksana knew there would be more excruciating talks between them and their past would always hold a sting for them. But Konstantin had said that if you could overcome bad times it could make your relationship stronger because you knew you could get over it. So she did hope that would be the outcome.

By 5 am she was done with her service, bleary eyed, handing over the bridge and completing her mandatory log before dragging herself to one of the coffee stations for crew members, she greeted a mechanic there and they talked for a seconds before she almost spit her coffee out when Eve’s voice came through the walkie talkie alerting to a non functional soda vending machine on the pool deck. She was up there in two minutes finding Eve in a lounger on the glass dome deck, staring out at the rising sun.

“Don’t say anything...I could not sleep.”

Eve explained, seeing the stern face reflected in the glass in front of her. 

“You look like death warmed up.”

A cluck of Eve’s tongue as she heard the description.

“Always such a charmer! I bet you get all the girls.”

“I only want one though.”

A smile bloomed on Eve’s face and she turned to look up at Oksana in her white Uniform. The blonde handed her her coffee to let Eve sip, then checked her watch. Just after half past five. Eve took a sip of the coffee.

“Eve...come on.”

She left no space for discussion as she held her hand out to the smaller woman which Eve did grab, letting Oksana pull her up before taking the coffee and finishing it. Silently they walked back down, Eve yawning from time to time.

“Did you get any sleep?”

“Not really. Maybe an hour.”

They reached Oksana’s cabin and she smirked.

“Ever been in a captain's cabin?”

The giggle she coaxed from Eve made her smile but she also realized how her companion leaned against the wall as she opened the door. Oksana pushed it open and stepped half in, keeping the heavy door open with her body.

“This isn't a good idea.”

“Eve, you need to sleep badly and I know as soon as you are back in your cabin you will take an hour to be back on your feet. On your day off.”

Eve looked at Oksana with a knowing smirk before she did step in. The younger woman knew her too well, maybe she knew herself too well and thus understood that constant drive in Eve.  
Once she had stepped inside Oksana closed the door and switched on the light, then dimmed it straight away, as Eve stepped further inside. On the night table books and magazines littered the surface, the other one held a bottle of water and a clock and the desk was larger than hers, plus there was a little round table in the corner with two chairs. 

Oksana grabbed her phone and switched it on, frowning at the barrage of messages and putting the device away muted. She looked at Eve in her cabin and felt a bit worried about the state of her cabin.

“I...it's a bit chaotic.”

Eve simply smiled at her and the blonde saw how she grew even more tired, how Eve had made it out of bed and walking about the ship was beyond her. She went to her closet and pulled out loose fitting track pants and a large shirt, handing it to Eve who, without complaining, grabbed the clothing and went to the cabin bathroom, changing quickly out of her sport stuff.

Eve was so tired she simply followed the orders. There was no arguing with Oksana anyways and when she stepped out in the much too large clothing, she found Oksana had changed too and had turned down the bed. And then it hit her and she blushed deeply, feeling her stomach doing stupid flips she was much too old for.  
The bed looked inviting and knowing just how well she had always slept with the blonde, lured her though. She had been sleeping badly, so much was true. Too many things were on her mind lately and she had not been able to sleep a proper night, especially when the Captain had slowly pushed her way into her head the last few days. 

“Come on.”

It was all the words Eve needed to sink into the side she had usually occupied when in bed with the other woman, sighing as she sunk into the mattress and the blanket was pulled up over her.

“You want to know how I know you need to sleep badly?”

“Mhhh sure.”

“Because you actually followed me here.”

There was no answer from the black haired woman next to her and Oksana craned her neck to look at her, seeing Eve’s eyes closed and her chest rising and falling with deep, calm breaths. 

“Oh Eve…”

She made sure her companion was covered properly before she switched off the light on her side of the headboard, and while her mind kept yelling at her that there was Eve in bed with her again, she tried to shush it and find rest herself.

Hours later when her alarm went off, Oksana pressed harder into the warmth in front of her, arms tightening on instinct and she wanted to bury herself deeper and deeper into the feeling of contentedness. A soft breath fanned over the skin of her neck, moving some tendrils of hair and tickling her, waking her further and she blinked against the darkness. 

When the Blonde realized the position they were in, she wished she could just go back to sleep, hold on to this for a little longer. Eve was rolled up in a fetal position, her longer legs between the Koreans and the shorter woman nestled securely against Oksana.

“I slept away my whole day off.”

A soft whisper emerged from between them, Eve’s voice still laden with sleep. It was not the whole day, it was lunch time. 

“Thank you.”

She added before Oksana could plead the case of Eve needing it. She felt a smile pull at the corner of her lips and then Madam cruise manager buried further against her. Hands rubbed circles over her back, soothingly. A groan and Eve did move away slowly as Oksana turned and reached behind herself, switching on the light and grunting at the attack on her eyes. The Captain watched as Eve stretched and groaned before burying herself back into the pillows.  
Then she got up herself and stretched before reaching for the phone and ordering room service lunch, which she had only done before when she had gotten sick and been quarantined by Konstantin years ago.

“Roomservice?”

Eve asked, muffled by the blanket she had hidden herself back under.  
Oksana simply made an affirmative sound, not wanting to voice why. She was loath to let go of their time together, so lunch without prying eyes had seemed like a good idea. It was thirty minutes later when she heard the soft knock at the door and since Eve had not said anything more, she had probably fallen asleep again.

She set the table with the different plates of food and then sat down on the bed, slowly uncovering Eve and stroking her back. 

“Time for lunch sleepyhead.”

She whispered and let Eve get up. It took the Cruise Manager a few minutes to freshen up in the bathroom and join Oksana at the table, smiling sheepishly.

“Don't apologize for sleeping Eve. Apparently you needed it.”

Oksana shushed, before Eve could voice these thoughts and then she nodded towards the food.

**

“No Sir, we can not refund the coffee because you did not like the taste.”

The man across her got red faced, his white mustache twitched, but Eve kept her composure knowing he would blow up in just a bit.

“But I can assure you that if you ask for a taste tester from the barista he will provide one….”  
“I want my money back! It was simply not drinkable!”

The voice raised and Eve tried to make sure the young Ensign who had called her for help, stayed calm. She took a deep breath and was about to finish her sentence, when she saw a tall blonde push up to the desk, pristine pressed and white uniform almost glaring white.

“Problem?”

Oksana grabbed one of the sweets from the glass dish, usually for the children, unwrapping it and popping it into her mouth grinning.

“Captain Astankova. The gentlemen did not like the coffee he ordered and now wishes for a refund.”

The man deflated before he blistered, not guided at Oksana but at Eve.

“Happened to me this lunch. Thought the Daal would be a good idea but oh boy!”

The blonde said and grimaced at the man.

“Well...I am just saying…”

“How much was it Mrs Park?”

Oksana asked and Eve checked in the system, swiping the card of the cruise guest.

“9.99$ Captain Astankova.”

The blonde nodded, then looked at the older gent.

“Now Mr Bell, I’ll make you a one time offer, we will reimburse you, but I want you to apologize to the staff here for yelling and to promise me that next time you will get a taster first ok?”

Red faced and grumbling the man did apologize and Eve returned the payment. After the man left Oksana took another sweet, Eve then taking the bowl and stashing it away frowning.

“Hey…”

“It's for children!”

“Well you call me a child often enough!”

Eve’s eyes narrowed at the Ensign behind her, snorting as he tried to not laugh openly, shutting him up in an instant. Eve stepped away from behind the desk and started walking away, Oksana hot on her heels.

“I wanted to ask you to plan for...Eve!”

The shorter woman turned in the hallway and stared up.

“Why did you have to intervene and undermine my decision making?”

Confusion registered on Oksana’s face as she stopped just as abruptly.

“I did...what? Eve, this argument would have gone on for ages and I wanted to talk to you just because he didn't like the Mocha latte he ordered?”

“I was handling it!”

“I know that! But I wasn't in the mood to listen to his yelling.”

Brown eyes rolled annoyed and Eve started walking away again.

“You didn't have to make my job harder!”

The captain frowned and was about to just let the other woman run off and stew on it, but then she remembered what had happened last time and she grabbed Eve”s hand before she could get too far away, looking at the Korean confused. The other woman seemed to deflate.

“That...wasn't my intention Eve!”

A deep sigh later, Eve nodded, having calmed at seeing Oksana like this. Yes, Oksana was always someone simply reacting to things and if something was annoying she took the fast way to get rid of it. Oksana had seen the man as an obstacle to Eve and had gotten rid of him.

“I..I know. Listen...can we just...I don't know agree I don’t get mixed with bridge work and you will wait for me to handle things?”

Oksana nodded and still looked confused.

“What did you want to ask?”

“I...we are staying overnight in the next port. I...wanted to take you to dinner.”

She was sheepish now not her usual boisterous way and Eve wanted to kick herself for always making sense of the younger woman too late. They walked until they hit one of the empty cabins and Eve opened it, pulling Oksana in.

“I would love to! Listen...I am sorry. I just…”

“I get it...I do. I didnt think.”

Eve cocked her head to the side.

“Okay...I was annoyed.”

And Eve’s laughter rang out and Oksana smiled sheepishly but she was sorry! She got it in a way.

Their bodies fit so well together, oksana thought as she anf eve stood so close together. There was this realization in both of them that they needed to handle things differently now. Their last try had failed because they had not spoken openly.

“Promise me you will step in only when I give you a sign?”

The blonde nodded and pulled Eve in against her.

“I didn't want to undermine your authority!”

“I know. Sooo...dinner huh captain?”

And the grin that grew on Oksana’s face was so rewarding.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys lil update:
> 
> numbers are scary but I at least could keep my job. Taking care of the family and hoping we stay safe and healthy.  
> Maybe this chapter can bring some happiness in these scary times.
> 
> Please all you amazing people take care and stay healthy!

Eve took a deep breath of the fresh sea air, smiling as she watched the ship move, landing doors open to allow air in as they slowly made their way towards Nassau. It was four in the morning and though she had promised Oksana to try and sleep more, she would not miss this for anything. The coffee next to her was her companion and the roar of a motorboat alerted her to the pilot coming towards them and just as she thought that she saw the crew get ready to get the man on board. 

As soon as the sun would rise she knew she would see the azure blue of the ocean and if she was lucky she might see dolphins or flying fish. 

"I was about to make a quib about tying you to bed if you don't try to get proper sleep, but I admit that might not help your sleep schedule nor mine…" 

Oksana husked into her ear and then proceeded to take a large sip from Eve's coffee as the woman on her perch snorted at the greeting. Dancing hazel eyes checked the hall and then Oksana leaned against the crate and pressed a Kiss to Eve’s jaw.

"I wouldn't miss watching this sunset for anything."

"I wouldn't miss watching other things…" 

The way the blonde’s voice dropped, colored Eve's cheeks a rosy red. That darn woman had not forgotten how to flirt, not that Eve thought she ever would. 

"Careful! I don't think my girlfriend would like to hear such talk."

A spark in the younger woman's eyes told Eve she appreciated that being cleared up. 

"She must be a lucky gal." 

"No…I am the lucky one…" 

Eve knew how stubborn Oksana could be, Konstantin having sometimes called her Oks to highlight she was hard headed as an Ox. But she had somehow accepted the apology and opened her heart again to her and Eve knew that meant a lot. So yes, she was the lucky one. 

A nod in acknowledgement from the blond, as they both looked outside. 

"So Mikkels first porting?" 

"Yeap and he'll have to do the 180 turn too since a Disney ship took the easy parking spot." 

Eve rolled her eyes. 

"Means we will have cheery music all day up top?" 

It was no secret that Eve found the disney cruise ships loud and obnoxious.

"I am sure we will make the best of it." 

Oksana's playful smile made Eve blush. 

"And how does the Captain want to assure I am not annoyed by the other ship's tackiness?" 

Oksana turned her body into Eve's again, smirking. 

"Well for one, I am taking you to dinner."

Eve nodded, feeling giddy at the thought. 

"Where are we going?" 

But Oksana only stole another sip from her coffee and then pressed a kiss to Eve's lips. 

"Just be at the port entry at 6pm okay?"

Eve’s hands acted quickly, grabbing at hips so Oksana could not run away, a grin and another few pecks.

“I hate surprises.”

“Oh you’ll love this one! I promise. Now let me go play captain and I’ll see you at breakfast…”

A soft sigh and Eve captured the lanky blond in a deeper kiss, reminiscent of old times, but she knew they shouldn't do this out in the open too long. They had reputations. Eve was left to finish her coffee watching the sun rise before going to her room to get a bit more rest before breakfast.

**

“Madam Eve?”

A man with a sign proclaiming the name asked as she walked out of the port building, smiling and nodding. She felt a bit out of the water, all Oksana had said was to not wear heels and she had decided for flip flops with her linen pants and blouse. It was balmy warm outside, though the wind had picked up some and the breeze was welcome.

The driver smiled and led her to the cab and Eve felt butterflies in her belly as they drove across the bridge leading to paradise Isle and she wondered about what Oksana had planned. Her driver parked the car and smiled at her, as Eve got out someone waited for her and led her towards a private beach where she could already see torches and a white tent put up, a table underneath and lanterns lightening it.

Eve felt that feeling come over her, hands shaking lightly and smiling like an idiot as she was led towards Oksana, who was dressed in slightly rolled up chinos, a white button down that looked like silk and hair open, hands in her pants pockets. Eve loved the blonde's luscious hair flowing open without the usual bun she wore for work and her whole pole screamed relaxed.

Oksana smiled brightly as she saw Eve walking down the path to their little Dinner. She had planned this since Halloween, wanting nothing more than to get their old magic back and the way Eve’s eyes sparkled she had done very well indeed.

Since Halloween a few days had passed and since their schedules were chaotic they often spent some time in breaks, in between shifts. Anders joked about her having mellowed out and such but really he had no idea what this was like for her. It felt like something had been missing and was now returning but that thing had changed and she was not sure if she needed to change too.  
She spoke only to Konstantin about this really, knowing he got her better than anyone else, he understood her better than she understood herself, knew her fears.

Oksana was always left behind, abandonment belonged to her person and everytime something good happened she waited for it to be taken away again. Giving them another chance was something she had never done before. Oksana could hate with a passion but even after all they had done to each other, Oksana felt unable to hold onto the hate for Eve.   
They existed in a bubble with both of them often unsure how far to go. Was it okay to kiss Eve on impuls? Was it okay to sit next to her at crew meals? Was it okay to see her in breaks?   
And Eve seemed to suffer the same troubles, always biting her lip and thinking for a moment before sheepishly pecking Oksana’s lips. 

It was a limbo between old times behaviour and new times confusion and they tried to get through it somehow without losing sight of the new challenges before them. They both had baggage from how they seperated and sometimes she wondered if she said something wrong.

Oksana needed them to redo things, she wished they could both forget what happened but there was no way that was possible so she needed to make the best of this and show Eve they could go on with the guilt.

“Wow…”

She heard Eve mutter and grinned.

“Hey.”

The staff left them and Oksana clasped Eve’s hands between them, licking her lip and grinning.

“Oksana...this...you look so good.”

Eve stumbled over her words and she wished she could see the blush that probably colored the Koreans cheeks, leaning down she kissed each and then winked.

“You look very nice yourself.”

The waves crashed against the beach, creating a soft background noise, the tent was softly lit by the lanterns and they stood looking at each other before Eve smiled bashfully, stepping onto her tiptoes to Kiss her date.

“Thank you for the dinner invitation.”

Oksana preened happily, pulling the shorter woman in one more time to press another kiss to the side of her mouth.

“I hope you like it.”

“I love it really.”

She had learned years ago that there were many layers to Oksana and there was a very romantic girl, a studious one, a woman that was full of pride, she could be stubborn and someone very loving. If you saw her as a Captain, with her stern eyes and strict work morale, you might not think that Oksana could also be someone that loved spending Sundays cuddled in bed. 

She was led to her chair, Oksana leaning over her and pecking her cheek before she sat across and they talked softly amongst them. Dinner was a calm affair, they laughed and spoke about anything really, trying to not talk about things that might hurt either of them as they just wanted to enjoy this moment, make new memories. After desert Oksana led Eve a bit further down the beach, following a path lit with torches to a hammock.

They giggled as they tried to get in without tipping the thing and with a bit of shuffling, Eve half ended up on Oksana, cuddled in and smiling as they rocked back and forth softly, the blonde arms tightening around Eve.

“I missed this.”  
Eve said softly, freezing as she realized what it also implied. A hand rubbed her lower back soothingly.

“Eve...we can't be scared of what we say. We have to...I don't know, not get over it, but get on with it. We fucked it up. We made mistakes and we owned up to them. I want to not always wonder if the next sentence I say makes you sad or angry and I don't want you to always watch what you say. I missed this too, us.”

Relief flooded Eve as she listened and then pressed her face against a fragrant neck.

“I wish I could do things right...turn back time and tell myself to realise how I would hurt you.”

She had known of Oksana’s past and had not stopped to think how the other woman would feel, amplified by her past.

** Past **

Thunder clapped outside, the ship shaking and groaning as it was thrown back and forth by the waves. Eve had learned by now that any travel up towards Norway through the North Sea had a guarantee of at least one storm. 

Oksana had done her best to keep Eve’s mind off the ship's movement, which had left her naked and sweaty, softly playing with Blond tendrils of hair as the younger woman’s head was cushioned on her flat belly. Her breathing was slowly calming, certainly not aided by Oksana’s fingers dancing over her skin teasingly.

“You never told me how you met Konstantin.”

Eve whispered and watched the blond stiffen for a moment before she sighed and kissed a path up her body. Not to arouse, but simply to collect her own thoughts.

“My Father...wasn’t really happy I was a girl. Girls in his mind couldn’t achieve anything but be wives and mothers. My mother died not much after I was born and his drinking grew worse. He mostly brought me to my grandmother further inland. He hated me, and I hated him. I was sent to school in a bigger city. I had to stay in the school besides on weekends and holidays. I met...her there. My first girlfriend. Just…”

Pain flitted over the younger woman's face and Eve was about to tell her not to tell her about it if it pained her. 

“She was my french teacher.”

Now it was Eve’s turn to react.  
“Are….you serious?”

A shrug.

“She was the first person I felt loved by. But she had a husband and well..at one point we were caught. I told her to run away with me. But she told me she would stay with her husband. I was kicked out of school and she told them I had touched her without her consent. My father told me never to return home and well...I went to the harbor not knowing what to do. Thats where Konstantin found me. He gave me food and when he realized I was homeless, he took me in. He gave me a job. Later he helped me complete school so I could be a captain.”

Suddenly Eve understood the deep Bond those two shared.

“I can’t believe he really...wants to leave active cruising.”

Konstantin had announced it to them at Mess just as they had dinner together and OKsana had blanched, stood and simply left.

Eve squeezed her lover in her arms.

“He is not leaving your life. You still live with him.”

But Oksana feared not having him around any longer. She was always with him since she was a teen. She shrugged at Eve and another wave tilted the ship, Eve taking a deep breath through her nose.

“You ok?”

“Yea...not sick, no worries. Just not happy about being in this tin can on waves like this.”

Oksana smiled at the description and pulled Eve in for a languid kiss, the Korean emitting a yelp that smoothed out into a deep groan as playful fingers pressed into her without warning. Her head rolled back on the pillow, hips pressing into the hand teasing her as she felt Oksana grin against the skin on her neck.

** Present **

“We should go back to the ship. Those clouds are approaching fast.”

Oksana whispered against her hair and Eve sighed discontent, she would love to stay in this hammock for the rest of her life. But Oksana had a feeling for weather so there would be no arguing.  
They got out of their Hammock and walked back towards the Hotel to get a cab, the Tent already having been cleaned away again. Their hands dangled between them, clasped as they waited for their cab, Eve close to Oksana’s side. The breeze grew colder and an arm snaked around her, hand rubbing her arm.

Just as they got into the cab, Oksana telling the driver where to go, the heavens opened and it poured. Eve stared out for a second before turning to Oksana.

“How do you always know the weather?”

The blonde smiled and tapped Eve’s nose.

“I can smell when rain comes.”

Since the drive was rather short the rain had not let up any and thus then they got out of the car, the rain pelted down on them. Oksana grabbed her hand and nodded at her.

“Run.”

For some reason the absurdity m,ade Eve laugh as they ran towards the ship as fast as they could, up the gangway and under the protection of the deck above. Eve was left panting, bending forward, hands on her knees and laughing.

Her hair was a flattened and dripping mess and they were both soaked through. The security guard looked at them smiling, commenting on the sudden downpour before letting them through and wishing them a good night.

It was about 9 om and they decided to use crew hallways as they were both drenched and not presentable to their guests. They quickly ended up at Eve’s cabin and Eve pulled the Blonde in, not wanting to say goodnight yet. Once inside their lips connected and Eve smiled their bodies pressing together reminding her that they were both soaked to the bone.

“We should get out of these clothes before we both get sick. Maybe watch a movie after changing?”

The gleam in Oksana’s eyes told her she had other ideas and Eve blushed, feeling herself clench in anticipation, she had to escape the gaze, turning away and staring at herself in the mirror. Her blouse was soaked making it half see through, making her black bra underneath shine through. Blushing heavily, she realized that Oksana was standing behind her, staring at her in the mirror, eyes traveling her body.

Hands landed on her hips and the taller woman stepped in closer, making Eve swallow thickly as she felt the warmth on her back. Slowly her blouse was pulled up, Oksanas eyes never leaving hers. Before she could pull the sodden blouse over Eve’s head she cocked hers to the side as if asking permission. The nod came fast and Eve wanted to slap herself for being so needy for the other woman. Goosebumps broke out over her skin and she shuddered, staring at their reflection and seeing hazel eyes roam her revealed skin. Strong hands traveled over her skin, nails teasingly dancing in swirls up until they reached her breasts and Eve licked her lips, 

Without order, her body pressed against Oksanas, hands landing on the desk in front of the mirror, fearing her knees would give out. She watched a pink tongue dart out and lick its owners lips, hands stopping their teasing of her breasts as Eve panted, eyes glazed over with lust.

Her pants were slowly pulled down over her hips, down her legs, warm palms heating cold skin.

“Oksa...Oksana...please…”

She muttered, realizing how easily she fell into her lover's spell again. She knew what the Captain could do to her and god she was needy for it.

“Say it.”

Oksana bit the side of her lip, moving slightly backwards as Eve tried to press back, not wanting her to have the satisfaction of the touch. 

Eve’s breathing hitched.

“Please! I want you.”

The reward was instantaneous and Hands went to writhing hips, front pressed against back and lips attaching themselves to Eve’s pulsepoint below her ear, brown eyes closing as want washed over her like a tidal wave, lapping at her sanity. 

Eve‘s lips were pressed shut but as she felt Oksana’s fingers snaking under her panties, finding the shorter woman drenched already, lips making a meal of her skin, she could not hold back the soft mewl, widening her stance so Oksana could touch her better. When the hand left her center she felt like she wanted to cry, eyes ripping open and then watching as Oksana pulled her panties down leaving Eve exposed.

“Watch!”

And her eyes followed the order and watched as Oksana entered her one finger, then two. She pulled Eve upright with the other arm, holding her in place, eyes glued to Eve’s face and watching her every reaction.

“You look so good like this…”

Oksana mumbled and then smirked as she heard the sound of protest as she pulled her fingers out and turned Eve. Their lips collided hungrily and Eve followed the blonde who walked the few steps back to the bed. Another turn and Eve sat on the food of her bed, staring up at the Russian and flushing at the hungry stare.

“Open your legs Eve.”

Even if she had tried to stop her legs from falling open, she would not have been able to stop it from happening. She needed Oksana.  
A wink and she watched the beauty sink to her knees like in church, between Eve’s legs, hands on shaking thighs, making sure they stayed apart before she slowly leaned in.

Years she had craved and remembered the woman. Years she had felt guilty at her thoughts of the woman she had heard beyond believe and who had hurt her in turn and now her mouth was back on her and stars exploded behind her eyelids as her hand landed on Oksana’s head, holding and never forcing and back bending as she tried to press her core against the other woman's face as Eve tried to hold back her yell, whimpering instead.

“Oh...god…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading, commenting and liking!


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As requested: trigger warning someone gets attacked 
> 
> Thus also spoiler warning. Sorry guys. 
> 
> Sorry for the long wait its a bit...chaotic. grocery shopping alone takes agaes now. They only allow certain numbers in and sometimes I have to go to other stores to get stuff I need though I am trying to get only essentials.
> 
> People are really cray cray lately. I saw a guy try to buy 40 yeast blocks...

Eve was nestled in an all encompassing warmth, naked body pressed against another naked warm heat, arms slung around her, legs entangled and chest pressing to her back. She felt her lover breathe deeply, face pressed into her hair, arms pulling her in even closer as the blonde slowly woke, sighing when Eve pressed back into her.

Eve herself was almost awake and certainly woke fully, when she felt kisses fluttering over her shoulder and neck, two hands softly roaming her skin, dancing over her belly and one softly fondling her chest.

A smile tugged at the corner of her lips and she pressed her rear back further into Oksana.

“Mhh...what time is it?”

“Just before 6 am.”

Oksana’s voice was still heavy and rough with sleep and Eve turned in her arms, nestling her head under the other woman’s chin. Arms tightened and Eve was squeezed and it felt like she had never been anywhere else. She felt that thickness in her throat, hard to swallow past and after a few moments of keeping pressed up against the blonde she felt the warmth push away. Hazel eyes were probably scrutinizing her.  
She was rolled onto her back and then she felt the weight of the other woman partly on her, thigh coming to rest between her legs, Oksana’s hips dancing against hers and Eve moaned as the touch suddenly made her react violently.  
Lips connected with the pulsepoint below her ear and Eve's head rolled back to allow for more access.

“I can’t! I need to get ready for the shift…”

Eve moaned, her legs wrapping about Oksana’s hips to stop the enticing movement.

“I'll make it quick Madam Cruise Manager…”

Oksana said around one of her nipples, hands grabbing her thighs and pushing them higher up, opening Eve’s body further and making the Korean choke on a moan.

**

“Home sweet home…”

Anders said as they finally laid properly moored in Miami, Oksana already let customs on board for their travelers and started the deboarding, while also thinking of the new passengers getting on board the next day. One night was reserved to do a deep clean and Konstantin was in Miami so she was looking forward to seeing him before she did her last round of this tour. Then...well then she had other things or someone else to think off. While they said maybe they should go slow, their need for the other seemed to have picked up where they had left off. Oksana had no idea how they would do this, how they would react when they weren't working. 

“Cap…”

“Sorry.”

She said and turned from staring out the bridge window at Miami to looking at her second in command. Oksana knew Anders understood what was going on but he still seemed a bit timid.

“You okay, O?”

Her eyes checked if anyone listened in, then grabbed the logbook and nodded to Anders to follow her to the Captain's office. Once the door closed behind her staff Captain Oksana shuffled papers on the desk, then looked at her friend.

“We...are trying...kind of. But it’s still so fucking intense that I have no idea if we crumble under it again. I can’t lose this again to some stupid shit.”

Ander nodded but then shrugged.

“Well...you gotta work for it Captain. Not repeat the same mistakes and stop being so fucking bullheaded.”

“I know...we kind of are both really...bullheaded though.”

She was just scared. The prospect of trying this again filled her with trepidation when she was alone and not engulfed in Eve. Oksana knew she was someone who did not do things halfway. She loved thoroughly, just as she hated.

“O,...stop overthinking. Just go with it, no pressure.”

A nod, then her walkie talkie squeaked to life and she was called down to talk to the authorities.

By the time she was done with a rather disgruntled customs agent and their needs it was noon and she was burning out fast. Hers and Eve’s schedules had clashed after their night together and all she wanted was to sink into the other woman and so when she found her eating lunch in her usual booth, Oksana felt like a weight lifted off her shoulders.

She slipped into the same booth, keeping a respectable distance but bumping shoulders, Eve looking up from her tablet and smiling at her.

“Come to Dinner with me tonight.”

Oksana whispered and knew that would be a no since Dinner was practically with her foster father.

“O….”

“I know. I just had to ask.”

A leg bumped hers, then stayed close.

“Even if I wanted, with the new passengers boarding tomorrow and the deep clean going on…”

Oksana nodded. She was lucky she was Captain in that regard and that was hotel business.  
Eve finished her coffee and then pulled something from her pants pocket, laying it on Oksana’s thigh under the table and waiting for the other woman's hand to grab it, which she did with a frown of confusion.

“See me later.”

Eve said and then left with a smile, bumping shoulders with Anders as she left the mess and passed him, while Oksana grinned at having been given a card to Eve’s room.

Later that night Oksana was happy she had the keycard in her jeans pocket,l making her way down the hallway to Eve’s room just before midnight, dressed comfortably and wearing her favourite leather jacket. Comfortable in her own skin and with her situation. Konstantin had commented on it and she had straightened her shoulders and shrugged.

They had spoken about what he was doing, the christmas plans, asking at some point if there would be a plus one. She had not given him the satisfaction and said she would check.

Hearing him say how proud he was of her, had made her lower her head from the well of emotions. Realizing that this should have been her father telling her that, then thinking she had been lucky Konstantin had found her and that she actually did not care her father had never said these words, because she had Konstantin and he was proud.

He had left her by saying to just enjoy her life right now and let things happen and thus she slipped into Eve’s room with the keycard she had been given. She found the other woman curled up tightly under her blankets, bedside light still on, book on the bed next to her. She went over and sat on the bed, stroking a wayward strand of hair off Eve’s face and smiling.

She wanted this to be her future so badly.

“Hey...didn't hear you come in.”

Eve muttered, eyes still closed.

“Wasn't too long ago.”

She stood and undressed, folding her clothes and then grinning when she did find chocolate eyes watching her like a hawk.

“Liked the show?”

“Mhhh was ok. Bit fast…”

The blonde grinned and sashayed over to the bed, pulling the blanket off her lover swiftly and laughing as she heard the yelp.

“Very Sexy Eve…”

Oksana muttered and grinned at the ratty old and way too large sleep shirt. Eve did blush, trying to reach for the blanket making Oksana laugh and then get on the bed, straddling Eve’s hips and grinning down at the new almost fully alert woman.

“So rude, waking me…”

Eve huffed but her hands were already on Oksana”s slim hips, sighing at the warmth of the skin and licking her lips.

“Oh sorry were you busy sleeping? My bad I will just leave…”

But as her body turned Eve sat up, pulling them flush together and framing Oksana’s pretty face with her hands, pulling her in for a deep kiss and softly biting and pulling on her lower lip, making Oksana moan at the pleasure mixed with a bit of pain.

“You aren't going anywhere captain…”

Somehow Eve calling her by her rank was sexy and dear god she hoped she could contain herself in work situations. Eve's hands roamed her sides and back and Oksana felt her body react so easily. Remembering how impossible it was to get turned on all tour, this was like a sexual revelation. Eve Park had fucking ruined her for anyone. 

Her own hands were busy trying to somehow wrestle the worn shirt off of Eve, needing to feel the other woman's skin against hers. Finally she got the shirt pulled, Eve gruntin at the colar got stuck on her nose, Oksana pulling still and once the offending garment was off, she grinned sheepishly at a flustered eve.

“How would you explain breaking my nose to the Doc?”

Oksana laughed and claimed her lips before breaking the kiss and then pecking a reddish nose. It made Eve laugh and that sound made Oksana’s heart jump. She was fucked. No one ever made her feel like this.

Their skin finally met as Eve leaned in, throwing her arms across Oksana’s shoulders and smiling up.

“Hi!”

She was looking so adorable with her wild black curls everywhere from sleep, all flush from their proximity. Gentle fingertips ghosted over her cheek.

“Hey…”

Their lips tangled, slow and without pressure and Eves fingers made quick work of her bra. She took that as he cue to slowly lay the other woman back down, kissing her deeply until she felt Eve pull away and she frowned. The other woman lay slightly panting below her and then she felt eve pushing at her thighs, definitely wantin her to move up. 

She grinned, licking her lips as she swiftly took off her panties and then scooted up on the bed, feeling Eve’s hands grab her buttocks and pressing her down on Eve’s face needily.  
Hands landed on the wall behind the bad, eyes ripping open and breath exploding from her as Eve attacked her center without warning.

She loved this woman and the realization that none of the feelings had left, they had just waited to be allowed to surface again, stole her breath.

** 

Bahamas tours were usually done when Europe was going into winter and would be too cold to enjoy cruising. It also meant endless parties on deck, bbq’s and so on.  
Eve was busy mostly and at the first black tie Dinner she stole Oksana”s breath away, no stupid joke this time from Anders.

They looked professional when taking pictures with the guests but once at the table she did find her hand itching to reach for Eve’s thigh. They would have tonight, both of their shifts finally not clashing and Oksana felt she couldn't wait to finally take that dress off of Eve. After dinner she would have loved stealing Eve away but she was supposed to walk the promenade while Eve spoke to guests.  
For a short moment they stood together talking to an older french couple, Oksana translating for Eve. Afterwards Eve excused herself for some fresh air and Oksana was called over by another group.

It was playing nice with guests, getting them what they paid for. 

Outside Eve had found the air balmy warm as she walked the outside deck for some fresh air and to clear her mind. She was leaning on the railing, staring down at the sea and thinking of, well things like looking forward to seeing Oksana tonight, actually getting to spend the night with the younger woman. She wondered briefly how they would manage if their next tour was not together, realizing how swiftly they had picked back up where they had left off. As if they were two magnets, the pull was inevitable.

“What’s a pretty lady like you doin’ out here all alone, eh?”

She had not heard someone walk up, the second dinner service and shows in full swing meant usually the outside decks were mostly empty. The patron sounded slightly tipsy and Eve closed her eyes for a moment and steadied herself, knowing where this was going and feeling weaker because she was out of Uniform.

“Good evening, Sir.”

She said and tried to muster a welcoming smile. They were schooled for this and she was revisiting her lessons inside of her mind.

The man came closer and she tried to keep distance between them. Not having her Uniform meant being without a walkie talkie. There was a button on it she could press to alert for distress.

“Oh you’re that cruise gal! The maid?”

Eve told herself to keep calm like a mantra.

“Actually the Hotel manager, Sir. Excuse me, I need to go back inside, I am still on shift.”

Usually that alerted people that she would be looked for if missing for too long. Not so much this fellow and she felt his grubby hands grab her hip and pull her in, pressing her to the railing and pressing his body against hers to trap her. He smelled of booze, cigarettes and sweat and Eve frowned, pushing on his shoulders.

“GET AWAY! NOW!”

She yelled and then hoped one of the deck cam’s was seeing this.

“Come on baby! Don't be a bitch! I paid thousands for this stupid cruise.”

He leaned in and Eve slammed her heel onto his shoe. He yelled and let go for a second so Eve used the chance to wrestle free trying to get as far away as possible. She was out of luck and felt her ankle bend painfully, the man already grabbing her wrist and turning her, enraged now that she had hurt him.

“Bitch!”

He cursed and back handed her, his large ring catching on her cheek and lip.

She yelled and he grabbed her neck forcing her towards the wall in his drunken anger, slamming her forehead against the metal wall across the railing. She saw stars, trying to yell again and he slammed her head into the wall again.

“Fucking bitch! I was just talking!”

He punched her lower back and she felt sickness exploding at the breathtaking pain, waiting for whatever else he would do and wondering if anyone could really see them.

Just as he stepped up again, Eve heard heavy steps running towards them and she felt tears flood her eyes in relief.

“GET AWAY FROM HER NOW!”

He was pushed and then someone turned her, making her whimper as her body recoiled in pain. Tender and worried Hazel eyes landed on her.

“Eve...it's me...it’s fine!”

She choked and shook and then saw Oksana explode in Anger, turning towards her assailant, held back by Manny and Frank. Before Oksana could lash out, Eve grabbed her hand.

“Please...Oksana. Please don't.”

She was back on the dock, begging Oksana to leave Niko alone, seeing the other woman unravel in sheer anger. The last time she had not been able to stop her and she feared a repeat, feared new repercussions and a new break in their fragile peace. 

Something shifted and shoulders dropped, Oksana nodding to the security.

“Full cabin lock down for him, call authorities in the next port and alert them we have a passenger that needs a police escort off my ship.”

The man cursed and spat.

“Bitches shouldn't be on ships!”

And was manhandled not very softly by the burly security. Amrs reached for her, before Oksana saw how she leaned against the wall, arm around her side, face cut and swollen. Tears fell and the captain wanted to hold Eve so badly. The older woman tried to step forward, seeking to be comforted, but whimpered as she felt the pain in her ankle. The Captain had seen enough, picking her up and carrying her inside, other officers coming to help lead them downstairs to the med bay, Oksana’s lips glued shut as she tried to focus on Eve and not thinking of how to kill a passenger.

She had to wait outside as the doc looked Eve over, taking pictures for authorities, the blonde using the time to Inform Anders of the situation so it was properly logged and forwarded to the cruise line. 45 Minutes later the med bay door opened and a concerned doctor stepped out, alerting her of the multitude of wounds from the cuts on her face to an ankle that was luckily not sprained but would be painful for a while.

“You want me to send her home...for further assessment.”

A nod.

“Captain...she has a huge bump on her head from where she was forced into the wall. She was punched into her kidney region...The attack was fast and she was lucky you guys were there fast. She needs rest badly and she needs someone to make sure her brain isn't swelling. I ordered a Medevac for tomorrow she will be picked up and brought back to Miami.”

She had no authority over medical things, the doctor always trumping her orders. All she knew was she wanted Eve with her instead of many miles away. But Eve needed medical help that they could not give her on board.

“I”ll monitor her tonight for signs of concussion.”

The doc said and Oksana shook her head stubbornly. 

“It’s fine, we are close. I’ll sit with her tonight. She will need to rest in her cabin, not in the medbay. I can also pack her things.”

She got the doc to agree, citing stress levels and helped Eve back to her cabin, sitting with her for long moments before she started packing her things.

“I thought...you would hurt him...that we would face the same stupid things again…”

For a moment Oksana had wanted to but she did not say that as she sat down on the bed, stroking Eve’s uninsured cheek.

“I will do anything for you.”

She whispered.

“Can...can you please hold me…?”

There was no need to ask twice as Oksana sunk into bed, carefully pulling Eve into her as not to hurt her.

“I don't want to be alone.”

Eve muttered.

“I’ll be home with you as soon as possible Eve. It's the last tour, just 2 more ports. Then I am with you and we will go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, commenting and liking!
> 
> Please all saty safe and healthy!


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guys I hope you are all holding on and staying healthy and safe! We are close to the finish line with this!

“Hey Cap.”

Anders said behind her and when Oksana turned to look at him, he held a coffee out to her.

It had been an hour since she had allowed the Police on board picking up their now hungover passenger and listening to the complaints before informing her of procedure, then a bit later she had helped Eve off board, helping her inside the ambulance that would transport her to the closest airfield where a medevac would wait to pick her up and bring her back to Miami.

Eve had been tired and in pain and Oksana hated leaving her alone like this, but Eve mustered a smile and told her all would be fine and they would see each other in Miami. Theoretically Oksana knew that, realistically she pressed her face into Eve’s hair, holding her as tightly as she dared, fearing she could hurt Eve, not willing to let go. There was a cough from the driver seat and Oksana peeled herself out of the car, watching it drive off.

She had gone back on board and went to her favourite look out spot where she stood now, sipping coffee.

“Charges pressed?”

She nodded at her second in command.

“Guy will be transported back to Miami. Eve will have to give a statement while being checked over in the hospital.”

She had called Konstantin after Eve had fallen asleep and he had put everything in motion for a private room for Eve.

“That's not the end to this tour that I wanted for you, O.”

Anders said and softly clapped her shoulder, leaning against the railing next to her.  
He was right, it was not a good end to her this tour, but then again she and Eve were a thing again so she had something to look forward too. She was going home to Eve and everything after. 

There was a vacation she had booked two weeks after going home and Eve had told her to go, reminded her this was fresh again and it was important that they did not suffocate each other. Oksana knew it was because Eve knew she did not like being static. She had wanted to cancel, spend her time with Eve but the older woman had reminded her that she too had some things to take care off, and with Oksana in her bed she would most certainly not get anything done.

“Eve’s...healing and I’ll go home with her. It's not all bad.”

As long as she had that woman with her again. Reconciling with Eve had done something to her, it was like a switch flipping. The first time Oksana had fallen in love with Eve, it had been violent and sudden and the second time around it was the same. Like Ikarus she knew she could crash and burn but the flight was so addictive.

“You’ll have to come visit me and Nils one day, Oksana. We have a cabin for fishing, you’ll bring Eve and the neighbours will talk about the gay hostel I have opened.”

She had to smile at that, nodding gratefully.

“I’m sure Eve will love it.”

A moment of silence passed between them where they just contemplated what was to come now after the tour was almost done.

“What an interesting tour it was Captain. To many more.”

They clinked mugs and Oksana thought that this must have been by far her best tour recently. But her break looked to be even better.

**

Eve was mostly asleep during her medevac to Miami, but as soon as she landed there, she was welcomed by a female cop who explained to her that since she had been assaulted she would escort her to the Hospital where they would take pictures of her injuries. The doc on board had done that straight away but the police officers explained now the bruises would be more visible and thus aid the case better.

Eve, feeling headachy and nauseous from the drive to the Hospital, was relieved the nurse and cop were gentle and gave her time. Over and over the officer asked if she needed breaks, but frankly she needed this to be over. Eve just wanted to sleep.

It took 3 hours in total to give her statement and verify all she said before the Miami police officer wished her a good recovery and a nurse picked her up to bring her to a doctor.  
There was another exam coming and Eve felt like she wanted to cry from sheer exhaustion. Thankfully the Dr. made it as quick as possible and when she was finally brought to her private room with flowers as well wishes already waiting, Eve sank into the bed and fell asleep in seconds.

Falling asleep was easy, staying asleep with the large bruise on her back and side was another story. She woke when she rolled onto the spot and then had to readjust herself. By evening when Eve woke, she felt a presence in the room with her and for some reason she hoped it would be Oksana. Some of her disappointment must have shown as Konstantin raised his hands and shrugged apologetically.

“I am not Oksana. But I have brought you food.”

He helped Eve sit up and then she mustered a smile.

“I am happy to see you! And thank you for getting me a private room.”

She said and watched as he unpacked a container.

“They told me to get you something light. Because your painkillers might make you sick, they said.”

Something seemed strange about his behaviour, skittish almost.

“Is something wrong Konstantin? Something with Oksana?”

The shaking of his head was accompanied by a shrug and Eve was worried immediately.

“She’s fine. Can’t wait to be back here. Now eat”

The soup smelled really nice and Eve was starving but worry ate at her and she stared at the bowl, spoon in her hand with worry lining her brow. A heavy sigh from the older russian and he started pacing.

“Carolyn...is not happy about...things.”

“Well I am not happy either that I was attacked.”

He pulled a chair close to her side and then sat down, rubbing his forehead. 

"She has been given videos of you and Oksana making out in the storage, there are also videos of you two entering each other's rooms. You know her, she wants top notch professional."

Her head was swimming as Eve tried to make sense of what the man was trying to tell her. 

"Wait… was there a complaint?"

A shrug. 

"Anonymous, questioning if you received this raise because of…" 

"That is absolute bullshit and you all know that! We had to be forced to work together! Actually I quite remember I said I would resign if you ever made me!" 

"Eve I know that. Martens knows it too, but she has to deal with an assault and a complaint against the two of you. She said she will be here tomorrow to talk with you about all of this. I just…did not want you to be blindsided."

Eve pushed the table with the bowl away, body slumping at the news. 

"Fraternisation was never a problem…" 

She muttered, hands wringing. 

"Eve, just wait for what happens tomorrow. I will be here with you." 

Konstantin saw the desolation in the younger woman and felt for her reaching to squeeze her hand. Once again his daughter and the woman he considered a good friend were at the edge of things. Martens had clucked her tongue in distaste as she was shown a video of Oksana and Eve dancing at halloween, the whole evening the Captain used a costume to not be present for the paying customer, but to dance with Eve. There were videos of them kissing early morning in storage and them going into each other cabins and leaving hours later. 

Maybe any other two she would not have cared about, martens though had bristled at them and Konstantin knew it was because she had warned them not to break rules and even if it was usually one that was ignored, it was still a rule broken. 

Eve was feeling hot and cold at the same time, her blood pressure definitely dropping at what was going on. Martens was a pitbull business wise and Eve did not like where this was going. She wished Oksana was with her and felt tears burning, Konstantin looking kind of panicked as he tried to calm her. 

She let the tears fall silently, staring down at the white bed sheets, hands wringing in her lap. 

That night Eve had slept fitfully and she felt worse than before the next day, the nurse. Commenting she looked pale and asking if she was in pain. By noon she knew she would be allowed to leave the next day and she hoped she hoped Konstantin could book her a room. In airport range until her pre cruise planned flight. 

She was having lunch when Martens entered the room, nodding to her and then walking to the large window staring out in direction Miami Beach. 

"I was sorry to hear you got assaulted. The Legal team is taking care of it of course. We will make sure your attacker will face charges and you will be….reimbursed for your...pain. We are relieved the attack had been stopped." 

Short, clipped and as if read from a teleprompter at a press conference. 

"Sadly, I was also made aware of your infractions onboard while working for us. I am disappointed as I had believed you to be the top notch professional that has traveled with us the last few years." 

Eve felt herself get red faced as she bristled under the scathing glare of the older woman. 

"I have always been professional…" 

"I would not say, sleeping with your captain is. Especially after I warned you two to stick to the rules…. Seeing your colorful history with each other. I was forwarded complaints.." 

"From whom? The girls that had hoped to bed the captain?" 

A tongue cluck and icy stare. 

"We have rules against fraternisation and while we overlook it on lower ranks our two highest ranking officers on board should be able to live up to higher standards. I expected more of you than to be a distraction."

minutes later Martens left her room and Konstantin coming in not much later, finding Eve pale and silent. 

"Eve… "

"Did you know of the offer…" 

The older gent took a deep breath. 

"It's generous, actually more than." 

She nodded having thought he knew. 

"And it will protect Oksana's job." 

Eve added, not accusingly, but knowing. Konstantin stayed silent, staring at the ground. 

"I leave tomorrow night for an early flight. I am not allowed to speak to the press ever." 

Konstantins head shot up. 

"You took the deal?" 

There was relief in his eyes and she knew he had feared she would not make a decision without the other woman and that would have meant another outcome entirely. He knew once Oksana heard of it,   
she would be a hellion. 

**

Oksana could barely wait to make it off the ship and finally back to Eve. She was worried because all she had heard was that Eve was released from hospital and waiting for her in a spa hotel. 

Konstantin had waited for her at the port and he seemed off but all Oksana cared for was seeing Eve. The car was barely parked when Oksana got out, running towards the side complex where Konstantin had pointed out Eve’s room. When the door opened after her rushed knocking, Oksana left Eve not a moment, stepping up close and framing her face with her hands, her lips finding Eve’s and desperately kissing her. Eve fell into her after a few seconds, arms slinging around the blonde and holding her tightly to her.

They kissed for what seemed like eternity until a cough from behind them made them break apart, Konstantin walking into the room, he sat at a table and Oksana took the moment to look Eve over. The large bump on her head seemed a bit smaller, it was still purple, the bruise had moved considerably.

“Hey…”

Eve said and Oksana noticed her eyes were red and swollen. She must have been crying hard.

“Is everything ok Eve? Are you in pain?”

“No...no pain.”

The older woman tried to duck away from questioning eyes and Oksana noticed her foster father looked odd too. He had behaved strangely when he had picked her up, the blonde realized. Then she saw tickets on the side table next to her and the date was later the same day.

“Sit, Oksana!”

Konstantin said and she wanted to protest but Eve’s fidgety behaviour did not bode well. She feared the attacker had gotten away with it or something.

“Whats going on?”

The question left her mouth as soon as she sat across from Konstantin and she watched Eve slump, suddenly looking so damn tired. New tears threatened and Oksana wanted to stand and gather Eve in her arms again, but the shorter woman stopped her with a hand held up.

“There...I...there was a complaint against me for...for fraternisation and...Martens..”

It clicked suddenly. The tickets home, the sadness, Konstantin here too. Eve had been fired.

“She can't do that! She can’t!”

She said first to Eve, then to her Foster father.

“The Rule is not strict! It was never enforced!”

Oksana kept arguing, standing and pacing the room. 

“I’ll go and talk to her. She knows this is bullshit.”

Pulling her jacket back on with determination until she felt the small hand grabbing her wrist, sad brown eyes staring at her and a head shaking softly.

“Oksana…”

“We will fight this!”

Eve smiled ruefully. Oksana, always full of fight for what she felt was right.

Eve felt sick to her stomach since she was in the hotel room waiting. She knew Oksana would be angry once she understood what had happened. She had made a decision for them. Once more. Because she was forced too and she knew Martens had chosen that path as punishment. The Blondes pride would be attacked.

“There is no fighting this. I made a deal.”

She watched her lover stop dead in her tracks, eyes staring.

“Deal implies there was another possibility besides you being...let go.”

Konstantin stood and excused himself, saying he would get them coffee and Eve swallowed around the lump in her throat as she watched him leave.

“Not really, no.”

“But...you made a decision. Alone.”

The Captain's voice was level and cold.

“Oksana…”

“Again Eve...after all?”

Pain sliced through her as she reached for the blonde, trying to soothe her, make her listen, but Oksana turned away.

“We said….we would make changes this time.”

“I had no time, Oksana!”

Her arms went around the blonde from behind, tethering her in place while the other woman was in motion, stopping her.

“There was no decision Oksana. It was me or you. But I can work off ship too. I know I promised, but she gave me nothing to choose from. I know you are angry and rightfully so. But this doesn't mean...please…”

But Oksana did not turn. Proud and hurt. There would be no talking to her like this.

“All I need you to know is I did this because it was the only choice. I would have never had you fired from something you love, O. And no matter where we work, where you work. I want you to simply come home to me when...”

She felt the blonde move and let go, knowing there was no stopping her now when she was burning with anger.

Eve had known the moment she was presented the decision that Martens wanted them to hurt. She knew them better than she had thought and Martens played their weaknesses. She knew Eve making a decision without the Blonde would cause this. 

She had hoped Oksana would try to stay calm, listen first, let her explain but the door closed behind the blonde and Eve felt tears slip down her cheeks. She just hoped with a bit of time…  
There had been no other choice and if Oksana knew what the deal entailed she might have understood better.

** 6 Months Later **

“So...welcome to the Villanelle spa…”

Eve said, as she led Konstantin, his wife and Irina into the Main lobby. She had just finalized the purchase of the property, one wing under renovations.

“We still need to redo some rooms but the Spa, kitchen and wellness gardens as well as the pools downstairs are done.”

Their guests looked around, Irina itching to go swim and Olga being lured towards the restaurant in promise of High tea. Eve told her receptionist to make sure she was pampered before leading Konstantin through the house and then the gardens. 

“There is another non public garden behind these hedges. My new cook grows things there. We also have apprentices.”

“Impressive Eve. As usual.”

They ambled along the paths of the garden, towards a little wood with a pavilion that would serve for tea in summers, through the trees you could see far out downhill where a well sized cottage with a large garden stood, closer to the sea than the hotel, overlooking the little Marina.

“That’s my place.” 

Something large and grey shot out from the garden, jumping the stone wall and then down the pathway to the sea, barking wildly.

“Thats...the dog that came with the place”

She frowned, hoping the grey, large hound had not torn through her flowers again then turning to Konstantin who was only watching her closely.

“So that's how you spend the money from your deal and the case against your attacker. Well done.”

The praise made her smile, then her face fell again.

“How is she?”

It was the older gent's turn to sigh deeply before he shrugged.

“She is stubborn.”

Eve felt that lump form in her throat that she also got when she thought of Oksana. She had hoped the other woman would come around quickly but she was angry and it would take some time. Eve knew not to pressure her.

“I told her of this place as you asked. Told her again you were waiting for her to come home when she was ready. She was gloomy on Christmas.”

Loud barking alerted them to the dog drawing near, the grey mass chasing ducks up the hill.

“So...a dog?”

The dog tumbled over his legs in excitement before turning to follow the ducks back down, Eve’s face something between slight distaste, annoyed and frowning.

“He...came with the property. The old owner left him behind as he did with the hotel. Half renovated. He ran out of money. So...I kept him...well no he wouldn't leave so now I feed him and apparently the cottage I live in is his.”

The deep belly laugh of Konstantin made her smile.

“Thank you for inviting us.”

“I have to thank you. For coming here..after all…”

His arm went around her shoulders and they turned back towards the hotel.

“She’ll come around Eve. She just needs to understand that sometimes people have to make a decision without running it by her.”

Eve got Oksana though. Even though people told her she had every right to make the decision for herself and her career, she knew Oksana would have rather left than see her suffer. She would think she could find a spot somewhere else. But Eve remembered Martens' words clearly. If Oksana, one of her best Captains left the cruise line because of Eve and their affair, Oksana would not find a job on any ship ever again. She knew the older woman would have done it. So while she could easily run a hotel elsewhere, Oksana could only be captain on a ship. Martens had told her she had an hour to grab the millions that were offered as an incentive, knowing she could not fire Eve on grounds of the relationship. She still wanted her gone knowing Eve was a chaos factor and Oksana would not be easily controllable should they be separated by the cruise line.

“I trust her Konstantin. I trust her to come home to me. This time I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, commenting and giving kudos!


	21. Chapter 21

Having had the Vasilievs over for a visit had given Eve a well needed break. Getting her Hotel done and changing so much had been lots of work. She was relieved that they still had good bookings in the open wing which meant cashflow was steady while they changed basically everything about the place. Not just Sauna and gardens but also food from an up and coming young cook that liked to try new things.  
They worked well together, their ideas aligning pretty much. Some traditionalism mixed with young ideas.  
They even offered diet specific stays which people could book, Eve knowing from her days with cruise lines that people always had new diets and hated going somewhere where those ideas were not supported.  
Due to the Hotel having a marina they were also offering mooring spots to travelers and the fishing boats stopped to offer the freshest catch to her cook. She left him with free reign mostly and every week he showed her his new set for the oncoming days, letting her taste and explaining the dishes.

She sunk all of her savings into this but standing at her cottage kitchen window and drinking her fresh coffee early morning, staring at the sea, made her realize it was the right choice.A thud from the backdoor which led into her garden made her roll her eyes, slowly walking there and opening the door, finding the large grey dog yapping and staring up at her. She checked his feet to see if he had been through mud again and he came in after she assured herself he was mostly clean. HIs tail wagged happily as he followed her and found a filled bowl.

She was still nonplussed at how she, of all people, ended up with a dog. A dog that seemed more like an overgrown child. She knew nothing of dogs, had never wanted an animal but here she was wondering if it was enough dog food. His vet had weighed him and told her the weight and how much to feed. 

“Ok listen, Rufus. I want you to stay down here today. We are preparing a wedding and I don't need you barking or running around at the hotel.”

He stared at her almost like he was smiling, wagging his tail slowly because she was speaking to him. His attention went back to his spot in the living room, yapping when he saw his toy there but Eve stopped him, kneeling in front of him and rubbing his ears. She had gotten used to him in a way. He was there in the mornings, watching her make coffee, he sat next to her when she watched TV, her hand softly scratching his head and he loved car rides, hanging his large head out of the window, tongue lolling in the wind. 

“No bullshit today okay Rufus?”

A wet snout pressed against her cheek before he trotted to the backdoor where she let him out, the large dog trotting towards the dog house she had put there for him to rest.

Eve felt almost confident he would not destroy the garden until she returned.

When she came up to the Hotel she checked the dining room set up, talked to her receptionist and did some rounds checking on the cleaning and helping and teaching how she expected things to be done before going to the kitchen.  
Her cook was preparing to cook for the little wedding, telling her of the progress while she checked if he needed her to get anything last minute.  
A beautiful plate was set up with little sweet treats for high tea and Eve tested them, smiling.

“I love the cucumber sandwiches and the macarons. Well done Danny.”

He smiled while fileting salmon.

“Not from me.”

And he nodded over to their young kitchen help, washing pots and pans. The girl was new, had asked for a job a few weeks ago, just walking in, said she would do anything. Eve soon found out she had spent a few months in prison for property destruction and drugs and desperately needed a job so Childcare would give her a chance to get her kid back. Something in Eve had been moved when she had sat in her office, embarrassed about her past and vowing to do anything.  
It had been a gamble but the girl was always on time and did her work.

“She is into baking, Eve.”

She knew Danny hasted patisserie and when she had said she wanted High tea on the menu of the hotel he had frowned. She nodded at the hint and watched the girl clean for a moment. 

“I’ll think of it, no promises. Anything else?”

Before Danny could answer one of her waiters came barreling into the kitchen telling Eve that Rufus was up in the gardens they were prepping with fairy lights for the wedding, causing a ruckus.

“Ah damn that dog.”

She muttered and stormed out the back, seeing Rufus tearing up the garbage can someone had rolled out to be taken down the street for collection.

“RUFUS!”

He was wagging his tail until he gauged the mood, then his body lowered as Eve stomped towards him, his tail wandering between his legs.

“I can’t believe you! Can you stop being such an annoyance? Are you trying to give me a nervous breakdown? No! Stop being a bad dog.”

She said angrily, pointing to the general direction of the cottage. 

“GO! I don't want to see you the rest of the day.”

Whimpering and yelping the grey dog left and Eve rubbed her forehead tiredly, surprised at her own outburst and realizing how stressed this whole project made her. She felt sorry for having flipped like this, her heart aching as she realized how the dog had left. 

“Fuck…”

“Eve! Look…”

Danny had come out by then and then had gotten BBQ tongues all while she was yelling at her dog.

“It's an Adder behind the bin. Rufus must have smelled her.”

A venomous snake.

He had just tried to tell them there was a danger and she, like the dick she was, had yelled at him until he had slinked away. If anyone would have touched that bin they might have gotten bitten. She stared at where he had vanished into the wood and sighed, she would bring him a nice big piece of meat tonight and apologize with long cuddles. Rubbing her forehead, Eve told her staff to just get back to it while Danny pulled her into the kitchen and made her tea.

By evening she made it home with a Dinner for herself made by her kitchen and a large steak to throw into the pan for Rufus. She opened the backdoor to let the dog in but five minutes later he was still not inside so she stared into the darkness and called him. When he still did not make a move to heel she got her flashlight to get him from his dog house, feeling horrible already.

“RUFUS?!”

She yelled when she found the garden empty, heart hammering in her chest.

He had not made it home.

“No no no! Come on.”

She called and called but an hour later she gave up sitting sadly at her dining table and calling people that Rufus usually visits in hopes he had shown up in the village.

“Margret, it’s Eve! I know it's pub time and you must be busy but have you seen Rufus today? No...damn it. Yea...didn’t come home tonight...yeah I’ll call Ben thanks.”

With each call her heart sank further, he had not even been at the Butcher shop to get a sausage as usual. Her last call was to Rufus’ vet.

“Hey Stella, it’s Eve. Rufus has not come home tonight...was...were there any reports of accidents with animals? No...oh thank god. Can you keep an eye out of his chip is ...yes thanks!”

The woman had taken over her father's practice and had been a godsend in helping Eve with the basics of care for her not willingly acquired dog. Eve was not dumb but the dog was an overgrown furball and she had never put much thought in what an animal would need besides some food, and even with food it wasn’t just buy something from the supermarket. She had a shed full of large kibble bags because that Dog ate a lot of course. Plus because of being alone for a time and only living from handouts in the village, he was also not heavy enough. Eve had protested that verdict, saying he was heavy enough to almost crush her when playing. 

Eve felt horrible checking the garden every hour in hopes that the big floof ball was back. By midnight she fell asleep on the couch not wanting to go up to her bedroom fearing she might not hear if Rufus came back.

When Eve was woken by her phone ringing, it was still mostly dark outside, at the cusp of sunrise. She needed a few seconds to register what the sound was, before she grabbed her phone and got sick when she saw the Vets number. Her mind immediately went to worst case as she accepted the call.

“Hey...is...did something happen? Oh...oh thank whatever protects the hairball. Yea I’ll come right in! Thank you so much Stella!”

She was dressed in a few minutes and on the road to the village and Vet. 

“Wow that was quick!”

Stella greeted her, tender green eyes looking at her friendly but tired.

“Hey Stella! I am so so sorry we had you get up this early!”

The younger woman shrugged and grinned, nodding towards a steaming mug in the reception area. 

“Now Eve...he was found on the side of the road by a driver who had to swerve from a dead cat, he checked to see if the cat was still breathing and heard Rufus. He called the coppers and well..they called me to pick Rufus up.”

Eve frowned as Stella led her towards one of the treatment rooms. The door was opened and on a blanket on the ground was a curled up Rufus, Eve almost cried from happines at seeing him, the dog checking her reaction and first, his tail only slowly moving, unsure.

“Rufus! I was so worried!”

As soon as she was on her knees and cuddling him his tail did start wagging frantically.

“I am so sorry boy!”

“Uhm Eve...watch out or you might squish his little friend.”

Before she could ask the grinning brunette a little wail was heard and Rufus slowly moved, revealing a ginger kitten. 

“The cat that was killed was probably her mother. The other kittens were found close by where Rufus was, only this one made it. He protected and kept her warm until they were found.”

Another mewl and Rufus softly moved the kitten back close to him with his snout, looking at Eve with large brown eyes and the korean sighed deeply.

“I...guess you need to tell me about cat food.”

A snort behind her and Eve glared at the Vet, who grinned back impishly. 

**

“Do you write her letters still?”

Bill asked and sipped his tea, watching his daughter pull on Rufus fur softly in an almost pet, the large dog not moving an inch from his spot simply letting Hana rest against him. The tabby cat was already on the back of the couch, rather watching the human than be close to it.

“I..yes. Maybe she reads them. I just need her to know I am not giving up until she tells me it’s over.”

She saw the look in Bill's eyes and felt a bit ashamed but she knew what she was doing was right. Oksana needed to see she was not running away from her, she was not leaving her until it was wanted. There would be no new abandonment.  
“Keiko loves it here. You have made this place into something really amazing Eve.”

She had invited her friends after Bill had told her off Keiko’s stress at work, giving it to them as an anniversary present. 

“I booked a nice dinner and late night couples massage for you guys tonight. I am happy you visited.”

“Thank you dear that will be lovely. Also Keiko wants to know who you hired to renovate the cottage, she loves the french countryside style.”

They kept talking about the interior design of the hotel and her cottage until it was time to go back to the Hotel. As soon as she arrived Hugo, her assistant Hotel manager waved a letter at her and she excused herself to Bill. Hugo was a godsend and a curse at the same time. He was a brilliant Assistant but he knew it and he had a large Ego. Still they wanted the same things from a perfectly managed Hotel and she trusted him with this.

“Letter from the Patisserie school...now, Eve, whom of our brute cooks are you punishing like this.”

“Shush and you will see soon enough. Recheck the Pargrave's bookings for tonight and make sure the room is turned down proper as well as nice decorations on the table.”

He bowed dramatically as she made her way towards the kitchen.

“Emma Danny do you guys have a moment.”

Emma nodded and set the cutlery she was polishing down while Danny handed over the filet cutting to his sous chef.  
Emma looked timid, worried probably that she had done something wrong knowing she needed to keep this job to have a chance with her child.

They sat at one of the prep stations and Eve smiled softly at the girl explaining they saw how hard she worked and that after they saw her love for patisserie they wanted to give her the chance to go and learn it properly. The hotel would pay for it if she offered to sign a 3 year contract after she was done with school.

Eve had not seen someone this happy in a while and smiled as Emma went to call her mother.

“That's a good deed Eve.”

“It’s not about that. She made mistakes in her past and she is remorseful. She should have a chance.”  
Danny understood. He came from a poor background and had often heard he would never be anything. But he had fought and now he had raving reviews and the Hotel restaurant might even be up for a star. 

**

“Eve! Hi! Over here!”

Eve was in town a bit out from the village having visited a farmers market with Danny and talking to some farmers there about their produce. Danny had left once finished, while Eve decided to walk the shops a bit. She turned and saw Stella at a cafe, sitting outside with a large Latte Macchiato and soaking up the sun.

“Hey!”

Eve greeted and Stella cleared the second chair for her.

“Day off Dr?”

“Says you! Not really though. I was here for a friend's Dog she had pups. Come have a coffee with me.”

Eve sank into the chair and smiled, ordering a black coffee as soon as the waiter came over and then leaning back in the chair like the brunette.

“Grande opening was a full success I heard!”

“Thankfully. I was worried with all the renovations getting done just in time.”

The reviews from the first weeks were raving though and Eve’s Hotel was booked, which made her sleep easier at night. 

“So now that you have some more time Eve, Could I ask you out some day?”

Not spitting out her coffee was the highest achievement and Eve blushed, looking at the Vet who looked sheepish and unsure now at the wide eyed reaction.

“I...am sorry Eve. I was presumptuous thinking…”

“No, listen Stella! I am flattered really! It’s just...I am kind of with someone.”

It seemed to calm the brunette that Eve was not disgusted at her question and Eve knew how hard it was to be out there especially for LGBTQ.

“I never knew someone lived with you. I am sorry.”

“Well...she isn't right now. She is… kind of traveling around. It's hard to describe. We are kind of in a difficult spot right now.”

There was no way to explain this to someone from the outside, heck even her close friends raised their brows.

“Well then I really hope she comes back soon. And...please dont treat me differently because I asked?”

“Of course not, Stella!”

That evening when she came home she let the dog and tabby in, giving them both some treats for not destroying her flower patches before she was about to warm up some food. Having a restaurant in Hotel also meant she barely cooked for herself. Danny was a better cook anyways. Just as she put her plate on the table, her phone rang and seeing the call was from the Front desk, she knew it must have been an emergency. Hugo usually did not need to call her. She quickly drove up to the hotel and was greeted with urgency by the receptionist.

“I am sorry, Eve! We have a guest here demanding to see you.”

“No it’s fine I’ll find out what is going on. Did the guests eat here or have another appointment that could have gone wrong?”

Her receptionist shook her head and Eve felt confused. With swift steps she went to the Fireplace room which housed large Armchairs, a dark decor and large old Fireplace. Usually there was whiskey or wine served here for their guests after dinner.  
She found Hugo standing next to a chair straight at the fireplace, pouring a whiskey for the guests she could not see due to the large armchair. He went to her as soon as she stepped in and closed the door behind her.

“I offered a whiskey Eve. The guest is adamant to see you and only you.”

“It's OK Hugo. It was right to get me.”

Eve whispered and then waited for Hugo to leave and close the door for privacy, before she approached the chair.

“Hello I am Eve Park, owner of the Villanelle Spa. I was informed you wished to see me, Alas we are unsure what happened so if you could fill me in so I can properly handle it to your satisfaction.”

She realized she had not even asked for a name and wanted to kick herself. 

Someone stood and Eve was sure when the person came around the chair, that her heart must have stopped and slipped down into her feet, Her belly jumped and her heart started beating fast as she wondered if her eyes were playing a trick on her.

“I had hoped...that there was a place at home for me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading, commenting and the kudos! We are close to the end now!


	22. Chapter 22

The blonde seemed unsure, standing there and looking at Eve who was trying not to crumble from Shock. 

“There was no trouble?”

“No. Eve, I had hoped you were in and when you werent...”

She felt the tears and did not stop them, shaking slightly with emotions somewhere between happy and shocked but also sad because it had taken Oksana almost a year and Eve had wondered if there was nothing left really. She had almost lived with the thought that Oksana would not come back. 

Here she stood though and she was a mess of emotions but better held together.

“Eve, I’m home. If you still want me here.”

She had no idea when she had moved but her smaller body barreled into Oksana’s and a sob erupted from her, before she could press her hot face against the blonde's neck, her whole body molding itself to the lanky woman almost sobbing again when she felt arms tightly squeeze her.

There were so many emotions washing through her that it felt like Eve was being drowned and she felt her little fist hitting Oksana's chest, the leather of her jacket softening the weak blows. She cried silently, shoulders heaving and little hits to emphasize she was also fucking pissed. 

"I am sorry it took me so long. Shhh Eve."

"Don't shh me! Don't come here and tell me to calm down, after you didn't show me one sign of life for the past year, you dick!" 

Soft hands carded through her wild curls, massaging her scalp soothingly and the blonde nodded towards the double doors where two sets of eyes were peeking through the slightly opened doors. 

"Just said it because we have a growing audience."

Eve buried her face back into the chest in front, wanting to hide. 

"Can you be angry and yell at me somewhere more private?" 

The husky voice did things to her after so long apart and Eve had no idea how to reconcile all her feelings for this woman. Oksana framed her face and wiped the tears oh so softly. 

"There." 

"I hate you!" 

Eve hiccupped knowing she must look quite the mess. 

"I know…I hate myself too" 

They made it out to her car, looks from the front desk following them, making Eve feel mortified. The drive to the cottage was silent and as they got out of the car Oksana grabbed her sea sack, not daring to say anything about how she liked the place and the garden because she knew once that door closed Eve would have her say. 

Inside, when Eve switched on the light, the blonde's eyes bulged at the revealed scene. A ginger cat on the table, pushing pieces of salmon off the plate and towards a large grey dog who had his head laid sideways on the table, lapping up the offered salmon. 

The pets did not even stop their antics. The only sign they noticed they were caught was the cat staring at them while eating a piece of fish herself and the dog wagging his tail. 

"Can you two not behave as if I am not paying a good hundred pounds for food each month?" 

Eve said to the animals, the cat finally leaving the table while the large dog went to Eve, sitting in front of her and looking up. 

Oksana watched non plussed as Eve stared down, hands on her hips and chastised the dog, albeit tiredly, sending him to his bed. He trotted off, staring at her curiously and wagging his tail in greeting. She decided Eve's dog looked not even a bit remorseful, the cat certainly did not feel bad, walking around Eves legs a few times as if thanking her for the salmon, then jumping onto the resting dog and nestling in. 

She wanted to say something to Eve, find words to excuse her silence the past year. There was no excuse though. She had simply needed the time to find a way to deal with her own demons as well as trying to get out of the cruise line without tanking her career completely. In the end she had let her contract run out and with pressure from Konstantin too, Martens let her go. Begrudgingly. 

She put her seasack down next to the door and hung her jacket before walking up to Eve. 

"I am sorry. I needed…time to work through my issues. I am sorry I did not answer your letters. In the beginning I was still angry and then…later I was ashamed. Because you went through a lot and still wanted to be with me, while I was behaving like an ass. I should have listened to why you made this decision. I understand the threads she gave you now. And seeing what you made for yourself I understand you made the right choice. Fact is, there is no excuse besides…I am a real fuck up Eve. Every Time I let someone close I can only think of them leaving me."

The shorter woman turned, looking up at her and tears threatened to spill again. 

"I missed you. I missed you so damn much and I hoped each day you'd write back and I am also so damn angry because you've been a massive dick about nothing but I understand in a way."

The taller woman nodded, stepping up close and pressing her forehead against Eve's.  
Eve’s hands went to slim sides, holding Oksana to her as she just soaked up the feeling of her being here, the warmth radiating off of her, the smell that was so distinctly Oksana. It suddenly did not seem enough, Eve wanted to drown herself in the other woman, once and for all have her back and make damn sure not to let her go again. Her frantic hands pushed the leather jacket apart and off lean shoulders as her head turned up towards Oksana’s, lips greedily landing on the blondes, not leaving any doubt as to what she wanted.

“Eve…”

The taller woman muttered between her lips being claimed like this, trying to slow Eve down somehow.

“No! You don't make decisions right now. You have decision making rights revoked for the foreseeable future!”

Eve muttered, pulling the taller woman towards her by using the belt loops while walking backwards. She hit the table and slid up, not giving the Blonde a second to react, her legs slinging around hers and pulling her in close. It was Oksana’s turn to moan against her lips, body leaning over hers and Eve’s nimble fingers trying to undo jeans buttons.

They had to break apart for a moment so Eve could better reach the pants front and her soon to be lover took a deep calming breath. For some reason her eyes wandered and she found the large hound staring straight back.

“Shit Eve...the Dog is watching!”

The happy laugh made her blush deep red and she stopped Eve’s hands.

“No, seriously...can we move somewhere else.”

Eve looked over her blonde’s shoulder and saw Rufus stare.

“It’s probably because he doesn’t know you.”

The standoff found it’s end when Oksana hoisted the smaller woman up and against her, hands under Eve’s ass, keeping her lifted. Eve giggled immediately latching onto Oksana’s neck, finding that spot that always made her groan.

“If you don’t stop doing that I might get us killed on those stairs.”

She did not. Oksana got them upstairs securely, their tangled bodies making it through the hallway while shedding their clothing. Once they reached the bed, there was not much to get rid off between them and Eve shoved the taller woman down onto her bed and Oksana could not say anything smart because as soon as her back hit the bed, Eve was on her.

A delicate brow raised.

“I am still angry!”

Came the explanation and Oksana nodded slowly. Eve hovered above her and there was a moment when it was visible when all the angry energy left her, shoulders slumping and arms shaking under the weight. Head bend and black curls hiding her face, Oksana still understood what was going on. Eve’s shoulders shook and she reacted straight away, pulling the smaller woman down against her and rolling them sideways, arms and legs slinging around Eve.

There was nothing she could say to make it better and so Oksana just held Eve. It took a while until the Korean calmed, soothed by soft hands stroking her back. At some point the gentle caress grew more precise, intent to arouse their semi naked bodies touching in all the right places. Long legs tangled and pressed between Eve's, hand on a perfectly shaped ass pulling her against that thigh, that guiding hand wandering to a lower back to keep the contact and movement alive. A nose nudged until the dark haired woman looked up into hazel eyes and her own thigh pressed up against her companions center, copying the movements until they were caught in an intimate dance.   
No words needed, just the two of them loving the other, hands frantically clutching as waves of pleasure grew stronger, ebbing at their resolve. Time was of no importance, Eve’s eyes hungrily drinking in Oksana and the pleasure being written onto her face as they loved, not fucked, not had sex. They loved and it was like they both tried to remind the other why they were more and why they needed it. It wasn’t Eve who cried after they came holding each other, the blonde head ducked lower, pressing tender kisses to collar bones while warm tears rolled down. 

Oksana felt a beggar at Eve’s door, asking for a forgiveness she felt she had not deserved. Eve teaching her that forgiveness which she had refused to give Eve for years.

"You were always right, Eve. I needed to trust you. I need you. You are home. Not some ship, not some port. Not the sea. You." 

**  
When Eve woke alone the next morning, fear overcame her that somehow she had made it all up, that Oksana was not back and she was still alone and waiting. Her fears stopped washing over her when she heard Oksana arguing loudly, her russian accent thicker in the mornings and when agitated.

Her heart did a flip and she felt giddy with happiness. Oksana was home and currently loudly arguing, most probably with her pets but she felt compelled to check, so she swiftly pulled on her robe and made it back downstairs. 

The tabby cat sat in the kitchen window licking her paw, Oksana was in the dining room, grumbling at the dog in his corner between couch and wall, munching on a sausage.

“Morning...why is he eating a sausage?”

Eve mumbled still half asleep, hair a mess and robe slipping off one shoulder, looking at Oksana and feeling a happy flutter inside of her. The Blonde turned and first she looked annoyed, but then her eyes roamed Eve and she softened on the spot and she walked towards the shorter woman. She sighed when she felt a hand on her neck, softly pulling her in for a good morning kiss. 

“Good morning. And no, he stole it. He needs training, Eve! He does what he wants and he weighs about a 100 pounds or more.”

Her eyes wandered back to Rufus, now on his back, tongue lolling out, tail slowly moving back and forth. He looked like a big, cuddly baby.

“No! I can see it in your eyes! Eve, you are soft to him!”

“He was all alone until I came here, he didn't even get food, the butcher sometimes gave him something…He was so thin! And the last time I yelled at him, he ran away!”

She almost made a harumph sound. She knew of course Oksana was right. But she had no idea about dogs. They both stared at Rufus before Oksana sighed and dropped an indulging Kiss on Eve’s forehead.

“I wanted to surprise you with breakfast.”

It made Eve smile and step on her tiptoes to kiss the blonde’s cheek.

“Thank you it smells delicious. I didn't know I had all this in my fridge.”

“Well you didn’t. I drove into town. There was actually not much in the fridge.”

She had found Eggs and Ketchup and a very sad looking cucumber that she had to throw away.

“Come on, before it gets cold or one of your animals steals something again.”

**

“Can you recheck room 117? A guest just called, they think they missed their glasses. I know Irene’s been through it and did not find anything…”

Eve walked into the main lobby reception desk Area, finding her front desk girl and Hugo with heads stuck together, whispering. She rolled her eyes at them. It had been like that all day and she knew it was about Oksana’s and her little episode the night before.

“Guys...come on.”

Hugo smirked and straightened.

“Only if you tell us about the “Hot stuff”.”

She rolled her eyes exasperated.

“Check on the room now, Hugo!”

It was said with a bit more seriousness before she left for the kitchen. Her little refugium.

Danny was preparing the trial plates for the new week and she watched him place decorations with tweezers, each leaf perfectly placed until he was happy with the result. Pictures were made and then would be printed and hung on the kitchen wall so all servers could always recheck what the menu consisted of. Beneath, their head waiter wrote down wines he thought would fit. Everything was certainly more professional than Hugo.

She watched as her head chef put some finishing touches on an intricate looking fish main, totally focussed even for the smallest dab of sauce.

“So what’s the rumor about a Blonde Model coming in and making you cry?”

Seconds ticked along as she stared and Danny did not even look up.

“I might just fire the lot of you.”

He nodded to his head waiter and he took the picture before Danny called for a coffee break, wiping his hands and then crossing his arms over his chest.

“If she hurt you…”

Big Brother like and it warmed Eve’s heart.

“Remember, when we did the wine testing a few months ago and I had a bit too much and told you about my girlfriend who I had a falling out with and now pined for hoping she would come back….yea...that’s her.”

Danny nodded slowly, his scottish accent getting thicker.

“If she hurts you…”

Eve smiled.

“Thank you. I don't think it is necessary though. But thank you.”

It felt very relieving to have people watch out for her. Her mother would most probably if she were living closer and she should absolutely call her later.

“I know I am probably stupid, but I am really happy she has come home and there is anger yes...but she’s home.”

Danny nodded and then started on the next menu.

“I just want you to not take any shit from her Eve. You deserve being treated well.”

All day there were murmurs following her and Eve was relieved she could go home and would have the next two days off, hoping all the talk would die off.  
At some point she would have to introduce Oksana to people, until then she just wanted the blonde to herself.  
When she returned she found Oksana and Rufus down on the beach, watching them a bit from afar. It seemed that Rufus was on a leash and Oksana was trying to make him do something. As soon as she turned from him and walked away, he got up and ran after and around her.

Eve watched the whole thing for a while until she decided she would prepare tea, feeling Oksana might need something calming after her time with the endlessly energetic dog.

It was maybe 15 minutes later that Oksana returned and hung a very long leash in the hallway and then took care of cleaning Rufu’s paws before she let him trudge in.

It was then that Eve noticed the large dog was wearing a new collar too. She had gotten him the first thing that fit and looked sturdy. She had a leash somewhere but he usually just followed her or ran where he wanted. The collar he was wearing was made of sturdy leather.

“Hey, what were you up to today?”

Eve said and poured Oksana tea.

“I got some stuff for Rufus. I have time for now, I’ll try to teach him some manners.”

A huff from the large dog probably just because the Tabby had jumped on him but it seemed fitting, making Eve smile.

“I didn't know you knew so much about dogs.”

A shrug and Oksana leaned her rear against the kitchen counter, pulling Eve into her arms and just holding her for a moment.

“My foster mom, Olga, used to always have Russian Terriers.”

There was still so much they did not know about each other. It was their time now, Eve just knew. They would finally be able to concentrate on each other.

“When will you have to leave for the next tour?”

Oksana looked a little confused at first before she realized she had not really talked to Eve about much yet.

“I am not leaving again. I did not renew my contract. I want to concentrate on you and us. I’ll search for something meanwhile but I want to have proper time with you.”

She had the funds to stay off work for a while, easily and so she would. Her priority was fixing them. Love shone in Eve’s eyes and she pulled the blonde in for a deep kiss.

“Can you promise me something…?”

Oksana nodded.

“I can’t ask you not to leave me…”

She could not finish, Oksana kissing her deeply, arms tightening around Eve.

“I will do my best this time Eve. I meant what I said. You are my home. I finally know what it really means.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for still reading, commenting and giving kudos. Next update will be the finish line!


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thbat's all folks!

The realization that Oksana was truly back with her, back to stay needed time to completely settle in Eve’s head. Once it was there a warmth filled her where before was worry. The first three to four months Oksana had planned to take leave after the long tours, by the end of it she was planning to look into new jobs.   
While she was home and Eve working she spent her day doing chores, training Rufus and doing odd jobs around the hotel. After 3 weeks Oksana decided to bring her sailboat to the marina and also bring personal belongings she had stored away. Before she had Eve told that they had a talk they both needed very much because they had both not touched on the subject since she came home. Eve had known something was up when she came home to find the whole place smelling of a home cooked meal.

“Hey! Wow it smells amazing in here.”

Eve said and hung her jacket, dropping the keys in a little bowl on the side table. Rufus trotted to her and got his scratches before going back to his bed.

“Hey Babe.”

Oksana said, tasting something from a pan.

“Hey, O! Rufus looks knackered!”

Her arms went around the lanky blonde, leaning against her back and hugging her.

“We went to the village to get some stuff but we walked to spend some of his energy.”

Oksana was a saint with Rufus and after a few days he was much changed. She also taught Eve things so she could manage the large Hound better. From the Hotel she often saw Oksana on the beach, running, playing and training. They even took him to the morning jogs and he was much relaxed inside.

“What are you cooking?”

“Boeuf Bourguignon. It should be done in another thirty, the beef needs a bit more.”

Oksana recovered the pot before turning in Eve’s arms and pecking her lips.

“Long day? Everything is fine at the Hotel?”

“Pretty much. One Sauna acted up but it should be fixed by tomorrow.”

Another kiss, deeper this time. 

“Go get changed and I’ll let Rufus out one more time.”

Domestic Oksana was giving her so many feelings. Eve knew there was more to Oksana than a homemaker, loved all sides of that woman. But coming home to spend her evening with her, cooking, watching movies, just laying next to her at night had filled empty spots no one, certainly not her ex husband, had filled before.

She took her time changing and freshening up, washing away the long day. She picked comfy jeans and a sweater from Oksana, which had been hung over the vanity chair. She loved wearing Oksana’s things and engulfing herself in her warm smell.

Once back down she found the other woman cleaning Rufu’s paws before starting to serve them, a candle lit on the table.

“You are such a romantic!”

Eve said as Oksana put a plate down for her, the blonde happily leaning in for a kiss.

“Don't tell anyone though, especially not Irina!”

They ate and Eve marveled at the many talents of her girlfriend, enjoying the dinner immensely.   
After Oksana cleared the plates she refilled their glasses and her mood turned a bit.

“Eve, I need to talk to you about something.”

She leaned back in her chair and regarded the blonde, nodding. There was some feeling of dread in her but she tried not to let it get the better of her.

“I need to leave next week…”

The reaction was clearly written on her face and Oksana reached for her hand, clasping it strongly. Eve knew her reaction was ridiculous. 

“Why...how...how long?”

She was a fucking fool for this woman and her emotions totally out of line. Oksana softened and her thumb soothingly rubbed the back of her hand.

“Okay I think we need to finally have that talk. But first...I am not leaving for long. I want to bring my boat here. And...I wanted to ask if I could bring my most personal things here. They are in storage right now. It's not much but this is your house and I know you said ...and you gave me keys...but I just needed to make sure we are on the same page.”

Eve felt horrible after hearing what Oksana’s leaving would be about.

“Of course you can. I am sorry I feel horrible…”

Oksana stood and then went to her side, grabbing both her hands and pulling the shorter woman into her arms.

“Don't feel bad, Eve. I know why.”

“You needed time..”

“And I could have communicated that. But I was angry and thus handled it unfairly. I can not turn back time and fact is you are the better and more forgiving person. I am trying to learn and I am grateful you kept your heart and home open for me, Eve. So don't tell me you get it. I know it hurt you and it's okay to tell me that. It's okay to be angry because you deserve that and I want you to tell me these things. I am not going to run away again, Eve. I am here. I am home and I know I fucked up and I know I made you sad and angry.”

They stood in the dining area, Eve nestled in Oksana’s arms and she just let the words sink in. They had not thoroughly spoken about all of these things, because Eve simply wanted to finally get past it. She wanted it to be done and finally be able to just live that life with Oksana. But hearing the Blonde say she needed to leave, brought on a very overpowering feeling. 

“I will be driving down to Konstantins, get the stuff from storage then get the boat and sail her here. It’s just a few days...Konstantin offered to hire someone but…”

“But she’s your baby I know. It’s okay. But I’ll miss you and pine for your return. And I am sure Rufus will too.”

Oksana was loath to leave Eve, had really thought of letting someone else bring her things. Then she thought of taking Eve with her, but she had the hotel and a wedding coming up so there was no way.  
She framed the shorter woman's face, pressing her forehead against Eve’s.

“When I am back we’ll take her for a turn, any weekend you can take off.”

She was already secretly planning a trip with Eve to Paris on Eve’s birthday, having bribed Hugo to work that weekend...maybe even threatened him just a bit. She watched as a smile bloomed on Eve’s face, softly pecking the other woman's lips over and over.

“Deal.”

Eve muttered between kisses.  
**

Eve was washing her mug in the sink, phone between shoulder and ear as she went about her Sunday afternoon. She had spent her day out with Rufus at the beach, checking the horizon for signs of Oksana’s sailboat.

“I am sure she will say yes, Konstantin. I’ll run it by her when she arrives. Of course I will help   
Olga with the organisation, konstantin!”

She smiled, deeply in thought as she suddenly saw white in a sea of blue, feeling a flutter inside of her chest.

“I have to go. Yes, I can see the boat. Have a great evening...yes I will.”

Hanging up she felt stupid as she got dressed for the outside with a grin on her face. Rufus followed her out the door, looking at the sea confused.

“Oksana is home.”

She said simply at the tail started getting faster in his wag. She pointed to the marina and after a whine and tapping of anxious feet, Eve told Rufus to run for it and he did, barking excitedly while she followed slower, careful of her steps while her mind told her to hurry. 

The dogs barking told her he had now seen and realized whom he was greeting, Eve close enough to see him on the pier, running back and forth happily. Eve smiled brightly, watching the blond tie the ship to her spot and then waving at her. She watched a grin spread on O’s face then the lanky blonde jumped over to the pier, laughing when Rufus greeted her in excitement.

“Hey Buddy! Missed me huh?”

A happy yodel and the dog slinking around Oksana, almost made it impossible for Eve to get close but once she was she threw her arms around the taller woman's neck, grinning up.

“Hey! Welcome home!”

**

“Oh...god….”

Eve panted, falling down onto the expensive sheets in their Hotel bed, her whole body still spasming with aftershocks. 

“Happy Birthday, pretty girl.”

Oksana whispered hotly into her ear, hand stroking from thigh up to her cheek, cupping it and pulling her into a breathless kiss. Eve moaned, chest heaving as her body slowly cooled down.  
Oksana had surprised her with a weekend off in Paris and they spent their first day looking at the city and on the second, her birthday, in bed, Oksana worshipping her body.

Her blonde lover rolled off of her, laying next to Eve and staring up at the ceiling, very please grin on her face before she reached to the nightstand and rummaged in it, Eve wondering what surprise or toy she might have. She kept her eyes close, smiling when she felt Oksana kiss her cheek over and over , until she did turn her head to look at the younger woman.

Slender fingers stroked tendrils of stubborn curls from her face.

“I love you, Eve.”

“I love you too.”

Something glinted in the sliver of sunlight falling onto the bed through the blinds and Eve’s eyes widened in shock.

“It...it’s not...not yet. It’s a promise.”

A ring, simple silver. Nothing frilly. Eve hated frilly because she could barely wear it.

Eve admittedly was not sure if she would ever want to marry again. Not after her last marriage was such a bad idea. But when she looked at Oksana and the girl seemed to panic by the look on Eve’s face, she felt something inside of her yearning for what a ring stood for. But she feared it was to appease her fears of them separating.

A giggle came from Eve and Oksana blushed.

“Not yet mhhh?”

A smaller body rolled into hers, her long limbs encasing her lover.

“Mmmmhhh, don't tease me, Eve.”

The ring felt the perfect weight on her finger.

“I love you.”

**

“You seem deep in thought.”

Konstantin said having found his foster daughter out in the garden, watching the grey hound zoom back and forth over the grassy land next to the cottage. It had been 3 months since Paris and Eve and she had fallen into a nice routine.

“I found a job. It's teaching and ferrying. From the port to france. Nothing tricky.”

“But something to let you have a home life.”

“Mhhh.”

She nodded, would have never thought she would take such a rather mundane job over the high life of a cruise captain.

“What’s going through your head? Are you afraid of settling?”

“No. Just not used to it. There is...new feelings in me. The need to settle.”

Eve knew she would not simply fall into a home making life. Had promised that as often as they could, they would take weekend trips either with the boat or to european cities, to feed Oksana’s need to move.

“I bought the land...next to the cottage. The company payout...and so on…”

Her father smiled, hand squeezing her shoulder.

“This is a nice spot for a home.”

He saw through her so well.

“Eve will love it.”

And her worries flew from her at the confirmation from the only man she would ever trust.

**

“No...higher. Perfect!”

Eve said, watching the Banner being secured over the stage where the band was setting up.

Olga went past her with flowers in her arms, pecking her cheek gratefully, while Oksana and Irina made sure all place cards were put on the plates.

Just another 30 minutes before guests would arrive, Eve’s hotel filled to the brim. It was a stressful time but she loved doing this for Konstantin and Olga. Oksana had well settled into her new Job plus her Hotel was thriving and their new place had been finished in record time. 

Konstantins doing. He had given them a substantial amount of money as a present on Oksana’s birthday which had allowed them to make sure the house would be finished fast. The cottage was integrated into their garden as a guest house should the families visit. 

Arms snuck around her and Eve leaned back in the embrace.

“Hey pretty girl. Thanks for doing this for…”

“No need to thank me. They are family!”

Arms squeezed her tighter and she turned, gazing up into hazel eyes.

“When do you want to tell them?”

Eve pressed a kiss to Oksana’s cheek.

“Before they leave. This weekend is theirs alone.”

“I went down to turn on the heat in the house, even the floor heating works fine.”

It was a worry less. The house was mostly finished. Furniture was missing but they planned to already sleep in it, if the heating worked. 

“Look at you...all settled down with an old lady like me.”

The scoff on Oksana’s face made Eve chuckle.

“Just six years Eve. Also...I just needed the right person to settle with. I am really looking forward to moving in.”

She had happily blown most of her savings on the house, wanting the perfect home for them. A mix between modern and classic, fitting the landscape. Because of Konstantins present she had been able to spend most of her savings on nice furniture for them.

Just as they had received the keys to the house, they had walked in, hand in hand, stood in their large open plan living/dining and kitchen area and both had imagined their future in their home. Eve had stood on her tip toes and kissed her cheek.

“Yes.”

She had been confused, probably had misheard and thus simply stared at the beautiful view out to the sea, until Eve had turned her head, made her look down into chocolate brown eyes. 

“Yes Oksana.”

Her heart felt like it would burst out of her chest as she thought she knew what EVe was talking about. Her uncertainty must have shown on her face and she felt Eve’s lips on hers, kissing and grinning.

“If you still want to…”

**

“I have never seen her so happy, Eve.”

Irina said, watching as Konstantin led Oksana to the dancefloor after the DJ had announced Father and Bride dance. 

“I don’t think I have been this happy ever, so I get it.”

Her mother pecked her cheek and stood, probably going for another water.

It was such a nice summer day and they had been lucky with the weather really. She watched her wife being led in a soft waltz across the dance floor, Olga snapping picture after picture.

A year since moving into their home and now married, Eve felt she herself had, in a way, finally come home. Had never realized something or someplace or someone was missing.  
Over Konstantins shoulder, Oksana smiled at her and there was a sparkle of tears in the blonde's eyes before she buried her face against her foster father's shoulder.

She knew how much this had meant to her now wife, having Konstantin lead her down the Aisle, while Eve’s mother did the same for her daughter. Konstantin was Oksana’s father even though blood might not bind them. Choice did.

She pulled Irina into her side, grinning at the girl, Olga taking a picture of them. 

She remembered the dread when facing Nikos family. How they had treated her and how it should have been a warning. With Oksana’s family she felt as if she had gained something irreplaceable.

As the night grew darker, some guests leaving since it was growing late, Eve and Oksana were still dancing, enthralled with only each other.  
It was odd how long they knew each other and still each day seemed newer, better even. The feelings between them never stopped growing.

“I love you.”

She whispered and arms squeezed her tighter.

“Also...I still can not believe you are taking me on a cruise for our Honeymoon!”

The blonde grinned and shrugged.

“It's how we met. Also...this isn't any cruise.”

That was true. Eve remembered how she once wondered if she would ever have the privilege to travel in one of the 5 stars suits on a cruise ship and Oksana had made that come true, sending them on a luxury South Sea cruise, before they would have to return to real life.  
Eve was giddy with excitement.

“I think you could have gotten us a simple inside cabin and I would not care. I don't suspect you’ll let us leave bed often mhhh?”

Oksana laughed happily before leaning in and kissing her wife deeply.

“You just know me too well.”

“And here I am and I still married you!”

Konstantin watched as his daughter and daughter in law left their party, saying goodbye to their families and bickering lovingly as they walked off, arm in arm. Oksana finally had her own home and family. Something he had always wished for, for the young girl he had found homeless at the port where his little ship had moored. 

** THE END **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who took time to read this and comment or leave a kudos!


End file.
